So I'm not sure I want to do this… (engaged to be married)

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t think you should get married. 

Post # 3
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I would ignore comments from other guys saying what a catch you are. Of course I’m sure that’s true, but even if it weren’t no ones gonna be like “You’re terrible, be lucky there’s someone to put up with you.”

That aside, if you can’t picture yourself growing together, then you probably shouldn’t marry this guy. But I think you need to think about what you find “wrong” and decide if that’s really a deal breaker for you. My FI and I have similar personalities, but as far as fitness level and sociability goes we’re pretty much opposite ends of the spectrum. But him exercising with me isn’t such a big deal for him, and him going out with my friends with me isn’t such a big deal for me. We kind of meet in the middle with stuff like that.

Post # 4
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree with PP. You sound like you feel superior to your SO. You are obviously different, which can work but doesnt seem to for you. 

You both deserve to be happy and doesnt sound like you are with him. You shoudnt get married unless you really love him for who he is through and through. 



Post # 5
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

Adrienne1234:  Agree with PP. You should not be marrying right now. Good Luck.

Post # 6
5815 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Adrienne1234:  You dont marry someone because “you should feel lucky” and you arent getting younger and the dating pool is diminishing. Oh, well you could and I know many of them, but now I called them my Divorced friends (or if they stayed married they are really unhappy).

I think we get so caught up in wanting to be married and focusing on that, that we forget to really ask if 1) we are really ready to foresake all others and 2) is this not just a good guy, but the Right Guy for me. 

In your gut, you know that this guy is not the Right Guy for you. The narrative out there is that you only toss back horrible guys and you cling to good guys for dear life, because you never know if another good guy will come you way again. What a terrible way to think about life and the person you are marrying. “I married you because you were nice and I was afraid you were the best that I could get”.

Marriage is HARD. I never realized how hard marriage was until this year. And this is with a man I love dearly and know 100% is the Right Guy for me. And we have hit some bumps that have shaken us to the core. I cant imagine going through this with someone I have/had doubts about. 

Trust your gut!

Post # 7
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s a shame you’re feeling like this. It doesn’t sound like you think your FI is the one. Instead of carrying on with any more wedding planning, maybe you should be honest and tell him how you feel? I don’t think you should marry him cos you’re not getting any younger. It must be difficult having all this confusion and not being able to tell your FI.

I know everyone is different but at least you have recognised your feelings and know something’s not quite right. I’ve been engaged to my FI for four/five months now and I definitely can’t wait to marry him. With the right person you know it feels right and you shouldn’t have any doubts. You shouldn’t feel bad if you think he’s not the right one for you.

I hope you can work things out and be happy with whatever decision you make. Good luck x

Post # 8
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

🙁 it doesn’t sound like he’s the one for you either. you shouldn’t settle. what does your therapist say? 

Post # 9
7920 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

“I’ve stalled on moving forward with the wedding planning because something inside me keeps saying “don’t do it.”

I think  that’s all there is to it, nothing else matters. Not logic or how he is on paper. Listen to yourself, don’t marry him.

Post # 10
858 posts
Busy bee

Adrienne1234:  I’d hate for someone to marry me who was always thinking they were better than me. This is not only about what you deserve, but what your FI deserves. If you don’t accept and love him and think the absolute world of him, let him find someone who does.

Post # 12
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your attitude reminds me of this ladys.

I dont think you should get married. You feel superior to your fiance. Thats not gonna change. Go on and leave. You spelled your feelings out in post.

Post # 15
2560 posts
Sugar bee

Doubt = don’t do it.

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