Post # 1
i have 3 bridesmaids. one of them i’m not so sure about but i asked already to be a bm. she actually introduced my fiance and i, and we’ve been knowing each other for years. our friendship has been on and off. not bc of arguments or anything, but moreso…time? i began to have seconds thoughts about her being a bridesmaid, as i felt she wasn’t really available to participate in a couple of activities. i voiced my concerns to her, and she offered to step down since i was feeling uncomfortable with my decision of her being a bm. to be honest, i felt that i only asked her bc she introduced my fiance and i. am i wrong w agreeing with her stepping down? she i ask her to be in the wedding anyway? i’ve been stressing about this for MONTHS to the point where i’m not enjoying my engagement. i hurt her feelings and she really didnt do anything wrong. i just felt like she was the “weakest link”. i also felt i was the least close to her out of the 3 maids. i feel bad. i’m not sure what to do. i’m bringing stress on myself bc i want everyone to be happy. my fiance doesnt agree with my decision and he wants her in the wedding. i’m ready to elope, but that’s not an option. my fiance doesnt want to….
Post # 3
Hi – looks like a tough situation you are in. Its so easy to get sucked into doing things you dont necessarily want, I noticed that with a lot of the ladies on the this board, I guess it naturally happens when planning for such a life changing event, such as a wedding where it involves family and friends. Since you asked this girl to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man and then had some regret about it and told her, resulting in her stepping down, in your heart if you feel this was the right decision, then make peace with it, its your wedding, not hers. However, I do think that, because you sound like you feel somewhat guilty and your Fiance wants her to be involved, I think maybe extending an olive branch asking her instead to part of the wedding in other ways. Since she introduced you and your Fiance maybe she could do reading at the ceremony, or have her do a toast at the reception, better yet don’t forget to mention her name in your thank you speech. Just something to recognize her and how important she is (after all, if it wasnt for her, you and FI would not have met, right?)
Personally, I would definitely have a one-on-one with her and explain to her that even though the Bridesmaid or Best Man thing didnt work out, she is important and that you would be honored to have her participate in the wedding. I think she would appreciate that and everyone walks away happy, as I agree you dont want to leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth (you, her, or FI) about this situation.
Hope this was helpful?
Post # 4
@UrbanGem: this was VERY helpful, and i’m very happy that you responded! thank you SO very much!!!