So irritated

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@cbco:  Maybe you could let her know in a kind, calm way, that every woman handles pregnancy differently…you respect her choices, but you’d also like to be respected for yours. You could ask to discuss more fun things like nursery decorations and baby clothes, etc…

Post # 5
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Evie19: —> 100% agree with this (Reply # 2)

Pregnancy is not a disability… but every woman handles it differently and makes different choices for herself, and her baby.

Just cause you are content to paint a room doesn’t mean that she is.  (I chose not to do that either when I was pregnant like 30+ years ago either)

And another thing… you may not know all her TTC history… not everyone shares that personal journey with others (even some of the Bees here on WBee will tell you what they write here on the Boards, they haven’t told anyone else IRL)

So cut her some slack…

You be happy with the choices you’ve made… let her make her own as well

EDIT TO ADD – I just read your UPDATE… in the case where she is criticizing your choices… feel free to use my highlighted advice above for her.

 

Post # 6
Member
8702 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d just gently remind her that the human species has survived for the last 200,000 years. We’ve survived all the eras and continued to populate. Cave dwelling women didn’t have the luxury of having their companions do everything for them, and women on the oregon trail didn’t exactly have a chance to not wrangle livestock or assist in wagon repair.

Yes, life is definitely not that hard anymore, but the fact of the matter is that pregnant women, unless otherwise determined by a doctor, are not delicate glass flowers that musn’t have anything stronger than a gentle summer breeze upon them. Pregnant women have been kicking ass and birthing babies since we crawled out of the  primordial ooze.

Post # 7
Member
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@cbco:  Your annoyance will just keep building up and lead to more tension unless the air is cleared. It can be done in a super casual way, even with humor.  🙂

I am already bracing myself for all the unwanted, know-it-all “advice” we’ll be receiving once everyone knows I’m pregnant!

At a certain point, I guess we have to accept that people will be very vocal with their opinions and we just gotta let it go in one ear and out the other sometimes.

Post # 9
Member
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@cbco:  Great, how did she respond?

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cbco:  no it’s not a disability but I def milk it when I can and while my husband is so overly willing to do everything for me! Not sure how far along you are but first and third trimesters have bern rough for me with nausea, exhaustion and back/hip pain. So the less I have to do thw better even though I could suck it up and do it if I had to.

Post # 11
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@cbco:  A lot of women do act like pregnancy is a disability and use it as an excuse. Start replying that you’re pregnant, not crippled and that activity is good for you.

Post # 12
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

To day I feel your pain is an understatement! When I was pregnant with the twins EVERYONE was telling me what I couldn’t do all the time. I tried to be nice but eventually I just told people ” Stand back, I got this”. Just live your life and ignore her. I pretty much carried on the sane way except no stomach sleeping, running towards the end or sushi. 

Post # 13
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cbco:  Don’t bother engaging in any debate with your sister and don’t send her links after you get home. Tell her that you will seek advice from your health c are provider and suggest she do the same. Her pregnancy is her pregnancy and ditto for you.

You two need to get a grip on this or you will be doing this for the rest of your children’s lives.

Post # 14
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@cbco:  I am SO glad my sister and I were not pregnant together because I feel like she would have been this way towards me & by nature we are a bit competitive with eachother. I just read in my book the secrets of the baby whisperer that the best way to respond to unsolicited advice is to say, “wow, thats really interesting – it sounds like it really worked for your family.” In your case you could say, “wow, thats really intersting – I’m glad that works for you” or something like that.

I have 2 girls that I’m super good friends with, one was pregnant this time last year & me & the other girl are pregnant together now. The one who already has a baby is constantly making awkward/rude remarks, (usually via her husband) about pregnancy & I’ve had a lot of WTF moments with things she’s said. For example, “there’s no way her insurance covers a breast pump, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about because mine didn’t cover a pump.” (uh not true we ALL have different insurance coverage). The most awkward one was when we were talking about the position of my placenta (it was low and super close to my cervix). She said, “well where’s the other placenta at, I mean the low one can move up but its important that it doesn’t grow/attach to the other one.” I just smiled and said “uh-huh, okay.” and left it at that. I wasn’t going to engage in a conversation about why she thought I had 2 placentas. 

I truly believe that no mom is going to do something intentionally to hurt their unborn baby & that we all make the decisions that are best for us and our situation. And our choices are most of the time going to be different from what others choose, and that’s 100% okay. It’s important to not judge or compete with one another & carry on with your pregnancy as you see fit.

I am 28w5d & don’t consider myself disabled =) I move a little slower these days & have no stamina but I’m enjoying my pregnanc & this growing baby inside of me. I don’t lift certain things anymore because they are too heavy but I still carry my own groceries in, sweep my floors and do all the normal stuff. It might take me longer but I’m going to keep moving as much as I can. =) HH 9 months to you!

Post # 15
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

I’m more prone to anxiety I think and I’m trying to do what i’m ‘supposed to’. So when I was at my mom’s they didn’t understand, for instance, the no cold deli meats or other listeria food things. To them I’m being crazy. It’s really just a matter of perspective. I’m trying really hard to do what I’m supposed to. It’s sort of terrifying and so much of this is new it makes NO sense to the women in the family of my mom’s generation. My point is if SHE is doing (or not doing) all that stuff that she is telling you, then it is actually because she is worried for you because she is doing it the ‘right’ way. From her point of view it’s not a mean or competitive thing. I’m not planning on painting. Babies can’t even see color for awhile. It’s a lot of VOC’s in the air and not much payoff. I was helping build a headboard and kept getting shooed away by my husband. Later on I had some nice shooting cervix pain. No idea if it is related but now I’m a bit more careful. I mean no one NEEDS to paint a room if they don’t want to or climb ladders a lot. Some women are also more prone to getting exhasted or breathless. I got breathless unpacking the car from Xmas (also WITH help). I’m 15 weeks. It’s crazy and frustrating but I hit walls doing basic stuff now I used to do easily. It might be anemia or just blood is getting thined out or IDK but some of us all of a sudden can’t really do the same things anymore. Maybe she thinks it’s universal when it’s just for some but I wouldn’t be arguing with her about it. I would just let her know you’ve considered it and determined the risk wasn’t to high. I mean she’s going to think you are wrong. But eventually she’ll stop telling you this stuff. 

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