Post # 1
I’m in a bit of a pickle I guess? My SO and I have been discussing engagement, rings, etc. I made it very clear that I DO NOT want a diamond and that I would prefer an aquamarine because it is my birthstone. I’ve never been into diamonds, ever. The last time I wore diamonds were on my ears and my father purchased them for me as a gift. His words were “Do not lose them” and guess what I did, accidentally lost one. (my hair caught into the back of the earring and I yanked it out and the backing flew off, thus the earring, poof, gone!) Anyways – I just don’t like diamonds and I’m a very simple person, plus my promise ring is an aquamarine.
My SO attitude towards purchasing me a gemstone as an E ring in his words “fake” and “cheapo” which actually hurts my feelings because he’s not respecting what I like and we’re great in every other aspect. He’s so caught up in the fact that it SHOULD/HAS to be a diamond and should be “expensive” and I don’t care about what the world thinks what an engagement ring should be or shouldn’t be/ how much it should cost, shouldn’t cost. I’ve made it very clear to him that if he bought me a diamond I would be upset because it’s not what I asked for. (I know, I know, I’m crazy right? What kind of girl doesn’t want a diamond – well THIS girl doesn’t) I don’t know how else to make it clear without sounding bitchy, naggy and pushy. He wants to look at rings and all that fun stuff during Christmas season, but now I’m just kind of BLAH about it because I already have my heart set on something from Rare Earth and it’s an aquamarine with a fleur de lis setting and it’s under $1000 which makes me happy, happy, happy.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Or should I just leave him alone to stew and not even bring up the E ring conversation anymore?
Post # 2
Google the history of the diamond engagement ring… it’s NOT historically traditional. In fact, no stone is. Sapphires were used for royalty for the longest time (even with the recent British royal engagement). Other cultures have used rubies. Then search for aquamarine gemstones. They can get expensive… furthermore he can get your ring custom made, and that is not a cheap task either. It may be a good start to show that it’s not the traditional way to go and there are high-end gemstone options.
Check out the rings category for more examples of nice gemstones.
Post # 3
Have you tried asking him point blank why he thinks what a ring should be is more important than what you actually want?
If that fails could you try a compromise? Have one stone as the center stone and the other as sidestones?
Post # 4
Many men’s egos are tied into the rings they purchase. they worry if they buy you anything other than a diamond it will look like they cheaped out. Right or wrong, it’s how it looks. You have every right to tell him what you want, but understand why he may be reluctant to go along with you. If you have concerns about blood diamonds, an antique diamond may be an eco friendly alternative. Save the squamarine for a coctail ring, it is not a daily wear stone. You may be able to find a sapphire in a aquamarine shade, but it will not be scratched or cracked in a year or two. Actually sapphires come in a rainbow of colors. Another alternative is a spinel. I have a manmade ruby from the 1910 era I wear, it doesnt have a scratch and the gold is worn down to nothing. Good Luck.
Post # 5
I had this issue with my FI. I had a complete suprise ringless proposal so we were engaged when I first started looking at rings. Diamonds are pretty, but I like color. It took a while to convince him that I would prefer a gemstone with diamond as the accents. I started with the history of the diamond engagement ring, went on to explain that a lot of Hollywood are turning to gemstones, and Princess Di and Kate have gorgeous saphires. I also explained that an engagement ring should represent the relationship and that ours was one of a kind, so a gemstone would help show that. He eventually came around and now I have a beautiful rose quartz ring. I knew what I wanted and wouldn’t back down. He realized it is my finger it goes on forever, so I need to love it as much as he needs to be proud of it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
misswluu: Is he likely to be receptive to a bit of education regarding the marketing of diamonds and how they have only become dominant as the gem of choice for the last 90(ish) years? Perhaps a little knowledge of the way they are stockpiled and their value artificially inflated will help him to see things as you do. Some men also think of jewellery as an investment, diamonds are like cars, you buy it new and that 100m drive out of the lot onto a major road (making it ‘preowned’) can decrease the value enormously.
If none of that will do perhaps try for a compromise? See if you could sway him in the direction of an aquamarine with a diamond halo and a slim diamond wedding band? Aquamarines look lovely next to shiny, well cut little white diamonds. Cold water and ice
Post # 7
My FI was the same way, and I thought I’d finally had him convinced to get me a moissanite ring.
Per his account, he went to a few jewelry stores and none carried moissanite and one said they could order it but he wasn’t comfortable buying something sight unseen (they wouldn’t order anything without a purchase) so he went to his friend who knows about jewelry, and his friend pretty much confirmed his fears by telling him everyone would think he was cheap and that he’d gotten me a “fake” stone, so he got me a diamond.
I love it, I think it’s beautiful, and I’m happy with it. It’s not what I wanted, but once he proposed with it I was immediately attached to it. You couldn’t pry this ring from my cold dead fingers.
You of course should be happy with the ring you are wearing, but if you’re the sentimental type like I am, once he gets you something what you wanted kind of flies out the window.
Post # 8
How about a compromise of sapphire with diamond side stones or halo? I say sapphire because aqua is quite soft and will scratch and dull very fast if you wear it daily- you’d have to baby it. They come in lighter shades then the traditional navy Kate/Diana type.
Post # 9
I was like you and didn’t want a diamond. I instead picked iolite as my stone. I definitely would ask him why it is so important to him for you to have a diamond. Gemstones looking cheap is not a good excuse. Look at Kate Middleton (formerly Princess Diana’s) gorgeous ring. Is he going to say that looks cheap? It’s all in how the ring is designed. I don’t think my ring looks cheap at all, and it in total cost a heck of a lot less than just a diamond would. But my husband wanted me to like the ring and we picked it out together. So I was lucky. does your SO believe if he gets you a diamond he looks cheap? Because he wouldn’t.
Post # 10
Thank you for all your comments and suggestions. I have mentioned moissys and he turned down that idea, he basically turns down any ideas that isn’t a diamond. They’re just not my cup of tea! I love my aquamarine right now and I’ve had it for YEARS and no problems with scratches/cracking/or any sign of wear and tear. I think I will talk to him about it again, but I’m almost to the point where I would like to put the whole conversation about engagement and weddings on hold until we can get past the “gemstones are cheap and tacky” mind set. I wish men didn’t have such big egos about these things.
Post # 11
This is the ring I have my heart set on. I absolutely LOVE IT. I have tried on diamond rings and just never felt strongly about them as I do with this one. The setting is my favorite. I don’t know what it is about this ring, but I just can’t get my mind off it!
Post # 12
misswluu: I am in two minds about this.. He should have the right to pick out the ring he wants to give you, but you’d think that he’d want to get you something that you LOVE!! Sorry I can’t be of more help!
<br /><br />I LOVED Moissanite, I was very keen to receive a Moissanite engagement ring, he loved it to start with but then I think he had second thoughts and now wants to get a diamond, I am just happy he wants to marry me!
Post # 13
I think my finace felt the same but not as strongly. He kept showing me diamond brings with gem side stones. I was like yeah thats oretty buuuuutt… eventually he asked me to show him a bunch I liked. So there were like 20 different gem rings at least and maybe 3 diamond I liked just to make him happy. He went with a stunning purple sapphire qith wite sapphire and diamond side stones.
Maybe you can do something similar? Good luck! I would probably give him time. Then when you go looking show him how excited gem rings make you and how meh diamonds do.
Post # 14
It is pretty, I love the blue green mix with yellow or rose gold, and it looks traditional 🙂 I was in similar boat as you, he refused to buy anything other than diamond. So, when he does propose, I assume I’ll receive a diamond. He had the same ideals, he wanted it to be a diamond and spend a substantial amount of money. I agree with the ego and wants to be comparable to the group he hangs with, who all the ladies sport massive rocks
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2015 - The Old Courthouse in Cleveland
My FI feels the same way. I didn’t mind for myself, but I have been very annoyed with his opinion. I have explained to him several times that there is no “requirement” that it is a diamond. When my cousin got engaged he said “Why is it blue? that’s not an engagement ring” It made me so mad! Anything is an engagement ring if you want it to be! Maybe because HE thought that it should be a diamond, he is concerned that others will think that too and that he didn’t get the right kind of ring. Either way- I think you should talk with him about what you want and try to explain the the ring is a symbol for your love and any stone or band can symbolize that. Some people don’t even get a ring!!