Post # 1
So many of you know my backstory, but in short, SO’s parents don’t approve of me because:
1. I am 4 years older
2. I have a 5 year old with autism
3. I am ruining his plans to travel down south (I can’t move until my son is 18) and my SO’s life will be ruined by having to participate in the upbringing of a stepchild.
4. I am a vegan, have a big vocabulary, have a firm handshake and make eye contact when I speak, and it’s “strange”. They are also creeped out that I hugged them both good-bye after our first meeting.
5. My genes are probably messed up and they are worried about SO having a child with me, because our child will probably be autistic too (their assumption).
6. I am 32 and will probably want to settle down, hence slowing down my SO’s potential. His dad believes that a man ruins his life by getting married.
The letter is to both of them, saying that he’s moving out, moving in with me and proposing soon. We have to do IVF to get pregnant because SO’s cancer lowered his sperm count by 95%. If they want a relationship with their future grandchildren (if we have any), they have to be loving toward my son, period. They aren’t allowed to ignore him and talk badly about him being autistic. If they do, we are done with them.
I will update!
Post # 3
I’ve been following your posts. I am glad he is doing this and taking a stand with them.
Post # 4
@misskarianne: Same! Woo hoo! When is he giving it to them?
Post # 5
And what happens if they don’t do it? Is he going to cut off his parents, or allow your son to be treated like a piece of dirt under their shoe??
Post # 6
@MrsSl82be: she said at the very end of her post that if they treat her son badly they are done with them
Post # 7
thanks for the update! i am so glad your FI wrote that letter, i hope now they will treat you and your son better and see how great you are for him, and how much he loves you 🙂
Post # 8
Good luck, I hope they are understanding and can learn to love your son!
Post # 9
As much as I would love to say everything will be ok. Nothing is going to change their attitude and if anything you will earn their undying hatred for being the harlot that stole their son. Please be aware that this is the most likely outcome of this situation.
Post # 10
As skeptical as I’ve been in your past posts, I really hope for the best and that your future in-laws come around 🙂 If they don’t, here’s hoping your SO can stick it to em for good.
Post # 11
@misskarianne: not sure how I missed that sentence!
OP, I would be a million percent sure he really will go through with cutting his family off before he gives them that letter. Saying and doing are two totally different things, and given the track record of your relationhip and what you’ve posted here, I would be pretty surprised with him doing a 180 and wanting to ditch his family
Post # 12
His dad believes marriage ruined his life? I bet his mom is thrilled to hear that.
Post # 13
wow. They are tougher than I originally thought.
Good luck…cant wait to hear your update. They should be happy that he met someone that has been by his side through cancer, but some people view life differently I suppose.
Post # 14
@Mrs. Harmony: Definately don’t count him out for having a child of his own in a few years. I worked in Oncology for 4 years (I am a nurse) and I can tell you we saw a number of babies that were born to people we gave rounds and rounds of chemo to, some even had radiation. They say the younger you are when you are treated the more likely you are to become fertile again in the future.
As far as the letter, I think that it will not get the result you are looking for. They will see it as something you pressured him to do. I think a more mature thing to do would be to have this conversation to their face,not in a run away letter. Either way it is definately a good thing that he is ready to move forward with you.
Post # 15
@MrsSl82be: I believe that people grow and learn. They learn from mistakes and modify behaviors to improve their character. This is what my SO is doing. Knowing he wants to share his life with me is making this process seem natural to him. In the past, who knows. He wasn’t using his brain. Now he is. He’s delivering the letter on Saturday, so that’s my proof.
Post # 16
@ieatunicorns: I agree. I think a fully grown mature man can have that conversation with his parents face to face.
In my experience, most people don’t make that drastic of a turnaround in such a short time. They might for a little while, and then they revert. Either way, his parents aren’t going to change. So the only option will be a complete cutting of all ties with them. And I am doubtful of this guy being willing to do so. But only time will tell.