SO isn't really Christian? Can a marriage work between us?

posted 1 year ago in Christian
Member
9270 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If you love him, you should accept him as he is.  Believing in a particular religion doesn’t have to be shared unless you can’t get over it.

Member
8046 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Meglin:  It depends. Like do you go to church a lot? If you don’t want to go by yourself, that could be an issue.

Do you agree on how you will raise future kids? I’m agnostic and my SO is a non-practicing Catholic. If he said he wanted to raise our kids Catholic, I’d have a big problem with that. But since he doesn’t go to church anymore (his own decision) and isn’t really that religious, I’m ok with it. I have no issue w. him believing in God or anything like that.

 

Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

@canarydiamond:  touching on the kid aspect is smart.

 

@Meglin:  My husband is Muslim and I am Christian.  He prays in multiple positions that I have no idea what they are and I pray at times walking to the car in the morning.  The most important thing is that there is a belief in a higher power.  THE END.  I need him to pray for me and vice versa. I may have missed something but I did not see what faith he was.  I would really discuss the children aspect and besides….you are young right now.  A lot will grow and evolve for you over a period of time.  It sounds like it has already. 

IMHO you will be fine.

Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee

@Meglin:  I have seen interfaith relationships work out, so you may be alright on that front.

The bigger issue I see is that you are finding that you are becoming more and more spiritual, and that you have an earnest desire to abide by God’s wishes for your life- which is good!

But that means that you need to keep in mind the New Testament, in 1 Corinthians, where God calls us not to be ‘unequally yoked’ (as in a marriage) with nonbelievers.

If you believe, as is stated in many places in the New Testament, that the man is the head of the marriage household, then you should strive to find a partner who is spiritually grounded in God and the scriptures.

I don’t know you and don’t have a very in-depth look into what your beliefs are, so ultimately I can’t tell you what you should do- everyone has the right to make their own choices.

I would simply recommend that you take some time to talk with God about it and also to try to delve further into his word (as we all should) to see what answers he leads you to.

ETA: Consulting with a pastor or other spiritual leader in your church is also a fantastic idea- that’s what they are there for. :)

Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee

@rachelmichelle:  Very well said.

 

 

OP…you have to think about what kind of marriage do you want.  Does the thought of you and your spouse worshipping God together at church services every Sunday, discussing His word together, getting involved with a church and serving the church together sound ideal to you?  If so, then you need to find someone that is on the same page as you regarding your beliefs.  It’s not fair to you or him for that matter if you will always be hoping and praying that he becomes more in line with your beliefs one day. If you do marry him, you do so without expecting him to become more involved, that you can 100% accept that he may never be where you are spiritually. 

 

Personally, an interfaith marriage would never work for me because of the reasons I listed above. 

Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee

I couldn’t, and wouldn’t have, married someone who wasn’t Christian since that’s my faith.  I would recommend speaking to your pastor or a Christian counselor about this.

Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper

Love knows no bounds. Not race, age, gender, or religion.

If you love him, and he loves you, it will work. It won’t be easy for either of you, but you’ll find a way.

Coming from the mouth of a “devout” Atheist.

Edit: SO is a “Devout” agnostic, so.. I guess my opinion isn’t exactly welcomed here!

Member
3772 posts
Honey bee

I am Catholic, FI is Christian but not practicing at all. We have had extensive discussions about faith, our beliefs, attitudes toward organized religion, how often we would (or would not) attend mass together, and ESPECIALLY how the kids will be raised. We completely and totally understand and respect one another’s stance, and agree on what is important. I would not be marrying him if I wasn’t 100% positive that we have mutual respect and understanding for one another.

Bottom line, communicate, communicate, communicate. And keep your mind open, but stay true to your heart as well.

Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee

Depends on what you mean by “work.” For me, no. Because in my mind a working marriage necessarily means worshipping and serving God as a unit. If you mean can you love each other and be healthy and raise well-adjusted kids: sure, why not? It’s been done before.

Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee

@peachacid:  Oh we have very different views on a lot of things too (politics comes to mind . . .).  Faith is something that’s very important to me and integral to the person I am, so for me personally marrying someone who didn’t see eye to eye with me on that was a non-negotiable.  I know it’s different for some people, and that’s totally fine – to each their own.

Member
3772 posts
Honey bee

Let me add, when we went through the premarital stuff with the Catholic church we’ll be married at, we had a ton of these important questions asked, as well. We had talked about 99.9999% of the questions asked, but it was still good to rehash them all.

The amount of discussion FI and I had done before the pre marital stuff really impressed the couple guiding us, and they even expressed that we had done everything right.

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