(Closed) So let’s explore this cover the plate thing WITHOUT getting personal.

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ll say what I said in the last post.  I personally often try to follow the cover your plate idea and will give a larger gift if I know the wedding is going to be lavish.  I know a lot of my friends and family follow this idea as well.  That being said, I did not expect this of any of my guests.  I chose to have an expensive wedding.  I do not think my guests should feel they have to spend any more money on a gift for me than they are able to or they are comfortable with simply because of choices I made.

Post # 4
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t really understand how someone is supposed to know how much their plate cost in order to cover it…we’re going to a wedding this weekend and I have NO idea how much each person’s plate it! We’re giving what we feel comfortable giving…although I have to say, when I think about it, I do think I tend to give more if I feel like the wedding is more formal (which I usually assume is more expensive, even though this isn’t NECESSARILY true…). I would give more for a black tie wedding (which the wedding this weekend is) than I would for a casual bbq reception. That’s probably wrong of me…Embarassed

Post # 5
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’ve never even considered “covering my plate cost” when I have gone to a wedding.  Granted, most of the weddings I have been to were when I was younger and my parents were buying the gift.  I also haven’t been close enough to a wedding to really know how many people didn’t give a gift or what the value was.  I think a large part of it is dependent on your relationship with the bride and groom as well as your financial situation.  Where I am from, wedding gifts are pretty much standard as far as I have seen…even though I now know they are not necessary, I did not really know better before all this wedding stuff started for me!

So I am pretty much useless! Haha…

Post # 6
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t need guests to “cover their plate” (which makes no sense to me because they have no way of knowing what their plate even costs!). What is unacceptable to me is no gift AND no card. No gift with a thoughtful card – fine. Most of my guests are travelling a decent distance, paying for hotels, etc. and aren’t millionaires so I will not be upset with them or offended if they feel they cannot afford a gift in addition to travel and hotel costs. HOWEVER, you do not show up to a wedding completely empty handed. In my book that is the (and yes, I’m sayin’ it) TACKIEST thing in the world. Come with a card, some well wishes, a smile on your face – you’re good with me.

That being said, money and gifts are most appreciated. I like money. I like gifts. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I don’t because that’s just bulls**t. I don’t think that makes me materialistic because I don’t EXPECT everyone to shell out a ton of cash, but in an ideal world – would it be great if everyone was in a position to cut a nice check or buy something off our registry? Yes, of course it would. If that makes me materialistic then f**k it, I’m materialistic.

Post # 7
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’ve definitely heard of it, and I think it is something a lot of people consider, but like hilsy said, there is really no way of of knowing the per plate cost, also, do you consider  cost of alcohol, etc?  I usually give about the same at every wedding, more if it is very close family or friends, which I am sure covers the plate and more so I don’t focus on it too much. Conversely, if I choose to have a $150 per plate wedding, while other people choose to have a $40 per plate wedding, why should I expect guests to give more based on my choice?

Post # 8
Member
2682 posts
Sugar bee

Long story short, covering your plate is either regional or traditional in some cultures/families.  I have heard of it, but this is not the case where I live or in my family.

Our plate cost was about $100+ per person (including hors d’ oeuvres and alcohol) but I wouldnt expect our guests to know that.  Some people “covered” it and others didnt but we didnt go into it expecting that.  Plus our parents paid for the wedding so we didnt need to make that money back to pay for it. 

They always say you shouldnt expect a gift, but lets face it, most people do.  That also may be a regional/traditional/personal thing but yes, I expected gifts, that is what we are used to.  I always give a gift at a wedding as well.  I dont necessarily cover my plate, but I usually give $50-$100 depending on the relationship, if I was in the wedding, etc.  There were some people I didnt expect a gift from and when we didnt get a gift, I wasnt upset.  I understood their situation or understood the fact that where they are from, its not traditional to give a gift or even a card.

Post # 9
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Kittyachi:  You are not being materialistic!  I like gifts too!  The fact is you want people who care about you to be there and wish you the best….but yes, a gift of some kind is always greatly appreciated – and who doesn’t LOVE opening cards/presents?  I sure do!

Post # 11
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

At this point in my life, I give a gift based on our budget.  Our budget tends to be the same for each of the weddings we’ve been to, but we have spent a little bit less for weddings where we had to fly somewhere.  One day I hope our budget will allow for more generous gifts that might come closer to covering a plate, but I don’t think that will be the motivation.

Post # 12
Member
14750 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I happen to agree with you. I have invited my family and friends to share a happy event with us with no expectation of receiving a thing. Except a hearty congradulations. I my opinion if you through a wedding you cannot afford expecting people to gift you the cost, then maybe you should have thrown a more economical wedding, and maybe you should reavaluate your reasoning for getting married. A wedding is about the joining of two live not who can throw the greatest party. JMO

Post # 13
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel like it’s such an excuse to be snide on both ends. You see some brides who use it as an excuse to expect lavish gifts/checks and guests (around here at least) use it as an excuse to expect a certain level of a lavish evening – open bar a must, food must be up to par fancy, etc – and neither is right in my opinion. It’s a shame that more people don’t see weddings as a joyous occasion for family and friends to celebrate with the couple.

Post # 14
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have never heard of this. I give a gift based on how well I know the people, usually…my gift is nicer, more expensive, more personal if it is a close friend or family member, and might be something smaller, off the registry if I don’t know the couple as well.

side note: One time I did not give a gift and I never sent one afterwards, and that still makes me feel guilty til this day. I keep waiting for them to get pregnant so I can buy them something awesome, even though I rarely talk to the bride anymore.

Post # 15
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree, how can someone know how much the plate is going to cost?  All the catering companies I looked at the prices were all over the place.  I had never heard of covering the cost of the plate until reading on here recently too, and honestly, I think it’s silly.  A gift is not required for a wedding.  It’s nice, and I always like to bring one.  Actually, I do believe etiquette says that you should never expect a gift because that’s very rude and you should appreciate people came to celebrate with you, not just that you want their gift.  Whether someone has the money to pay for the guest plate or not, one should never hope they will get “refunded” basically for people to come to their wedding.  I too like to receive gifts, who doesn’t(?!), but if someone doesn’t, oh well.  I agree with Kittachyi though, if someone can’t at least show up with a $2.00 card and write some meaningful well wishes to me on wedding day, then that’s just lazy.

Post # 16
Member
2682 posts
Sugar bee

@bluespurs – there were definitely a couple people that didnt give a gift or card and yes, I was upset.  But the people I didnt expect anything from (a couple of my brothers friends and people that attend the jiu jitsu studio my parents own) that didnt give a card, I didnt expect one so I wasnt upset.  There was one or two people who didnt give anything that I was upset with but oh well…

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