- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I am a frequent contributor but this is my first post as anonymous using a different screenname.
I am engaged to a wonderful man, i mean a gem! The kind thats hard tonfind nowadays, doesnt play games, wont cheat on me, shares the same values, loves and cares about my family, etc. However our sex life blows. We do it once a month and im dreading it. I try to picture someone else. Wait let me finish…before him i was with assholes, guys who didnt love me but we had mind blowing sex, like 1-2x a day everyday. I considered myself a nympho. The guys knew what they were doing and were very take charge kind but like i said those relationships didnt last more than 6 months tops cuz i knew it wasnt going anywhere. But with my FI we have been in the longest relationshipnwith each other a whopping 5 years and so thats why i am at this predicament, i know sex isnt everything and you cant have it all but damn i wish we had sex once a week. We go months without sex. He definitely is in the mood but im not turned on by how he does it… from foreplay to the actual sex. Granted he is inexperienced but he is 33 and im 31. I have mentioned this to him before but this is a mood and self esteem killer and made him retreat even more. I dont want to lay it out again and make him self concious
i begin to wonder if its me, like if i were to meet up with a guy now would i be the same as i was before? I seem to think its him. If i was turned on by him in bed i would want it more , right?
I used to shun open marriages but is that what we need? I feel like it would ruin us. We dont believe in polyamorous marriages. I dont want to cheat.
I cant picture being with anyone else, no one but him can be the father of my future kids.
Plus i am scared as heck with careless dudes infecting me with STDs.
I need to know if i no longer have the drive or if i still do its just not with him…but then what? Where do i go from here once i find out?
PS ive never had the guts to do one night stand if i am not in a relationship the vag does not turn on. I have been called a prude, its cool with me.
I pretty much tell him everything the good the baf and the ugly likei said before i have mentioned this before and it hurt him. He did “try” different methods i guess i dont find him sexually appealing, is that the word? He has a nice body, tall but pale. Hes geeky but i find that endearing. I guess in order for me to be turned on sexually its to have a take charge masculine dude. I cant change him i know that. So what do i need to do?? I dont know how to change my brain
Sorry for the ipad typos i turned off the annoying autocorrect and now im typing too fast.
Bees i need your insight.
What can a sex therapist do, im not even sure if we have one in my hometown.