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That's really difficult, I'm sorry. You're totally right, she can have all the tantrums she wants, but it's not her wedding, she doesn't "deserve" anything but respect, and she needs to back off and be more supportive of you if she wants you to take her seriously.
@HappierKate: What hurts me is that she is my sister. My ONLY sister and I wish she could be a little more supportive.
Sisters are hard to deal with some times. I have 5..... :S it gets frustrating because the 2nd oldest (I am the oldest) And she is a very selfish, Me me me person. It drives me up the wall.
:S Sorry you are going through this. Kudos to the text you sent tho! It is way nicer than the one I would have.
@PennyLainne: I now regret sending her that message. I've been trying my best to not become a Bridezilla. And she is not the kind of person that likes to talk about things. Ugh!
@mcj040916: My friend had a bridesmaid that started acting like a little bag and she would never come to things and complained about every decision the bride made. She made the brides wedding planing way more stressful than it needed to be. The bride actually ended up kicking her out of her wedding party 3 weeks before the wedding. It was crazy! The bridesmaid was being horrible to her.
By sending her that text you gave her an out. So now it is in her hands does she want to stand up and be there for you? Or does she want to back out? And really that is a fair decision to make. You don't want some one to stand up for you because the want the title. You want them to genuinely be there for you. So hopefully that makes her wake up a little and start acting like your MOH.
Double Post
Oh and you are not being a bridezilla. She is being unsupportive. A bridezilla would have kicked her out already. :)
@PennyLainne: Thanks you are totally right and just made me feel a little better =)
@mcj040916: That really sucks. My mom does things like that a lot, I understand how frustrating it is to need support from her and not get it. I'd go nuts if my sister behaved the way yours is behaving!
Does your sister know that you feel this way because you value her as your sister? Maybe she thinks you are only putting her in the wedding party as a default, but it sounds like it actually means a lot to you that you guys be close as sisters. Perhaps you guys can do some NWR stuff so that she understands that even if you weren't getting married now you would want her active in your life.
Maybe she just can't stand weddings. Or maybe she can't stand not being the center of attention, in which case she can suck it up and deal, it's your turn to be in the spotlight right now and you're not being a bridezilla by calling her on her selfishness. When I was MOH for my best friend, I considered it my job to deal with a couple of bridesmaids who took this sort of stance so that she didn't have to feel bad about straining her relationships with them, but unfortunately, your MOH is the one who is doing this. I hope that your text makes her really examine the way she's treating you, because it's not right for her to be this unsupportive without giving you a valid reason (like, your FI kicks puppies and that's just not cool, or, your FI was on the FBI's most wanted list and I'm not okay with that, or, I'm afraid your FI will hurt you and I don't like that).
I'm sorry sweetie, that really sucks. Is your sister / MOH jealous of you getting married? Are they prone to wanting attention? Or do you think there's another reason for her not being involved yet expecting special treatment? I'm not trying to be mean at all (so I'm sorry if it sounds that way) just wondering if there's something going on with her that is causing this?
@HappierKate: My sister is not your typical girl. Her dream wedding would probably be a bbq wedding with alot of beer. And its ok. I totally understand she's not the wedding kinda girl. But it really wouldnt kill her to be a little positive about everything. I dont talk to her about wedding stuff and I havent asked her to do anything (other than order her dress). All I ask is that she keeps her negative comments on the ONE thing I am asking her to do,
BTW, my mom does that alot too. Which frustrates me. All my mom can talk about is what dress will she wear and how nice she wants everything to look because some of her friends will be there! Like GOSH, selfish. lol
@mcj040916: Man, that really sucks! See, you are very clearly not being a bridezilla with her. If you ever think you are, come back to this topic, you're being extremely reasonable.
Lol, I love it when moms start on how they need your wedding to look good because their friends will be there. "Gee, Ma, I was going to have it be crummy, but since your friends will be there I guess I'll have my bridesmaids wear dresses instead of garbage bags." My mom just did this, the day after she told me we shouldn't have a wedding because she doesn't want to go through me getting divorced again. "Gosh Mom, I totally was looking forward to getting divorced again but if you can't deal with it I guess I just won't get married ever again. But if I do, I won't serve your friends expired food."
ya my sister is very unreliable so i decided to make her a bridesmaids and have zero expectation... i even paid for her dress. all she has to do is show up
no expectation so i can't be disappointed.
:( good luck with your sister... maybe you guys need to phone call?
Do we have the same sister? haha. Mine was the same way, always wanting things her way. Actually, she pulled the same exact line that she was the MOH and should get something different. She even bought a different dress, buut nevver wore it haha. My best advice, at least what worked for me was to calmly lay down the law with her. Tell her that there are certain things that go along with being MOH, and explain what your expectations are. Tell her that you don't want to inconvenience her or make her unhappy so she should take a few days, think over whether she wants to be in the wedding or not, then leave it at that. Maybe even giver her a set amount of time, like call me back in three days when you've thought al of this over. Just very firm, calm, and nice. That'llprobably give her a wakeup call.
I'm so sorry that your only sister and MOH is not being supportive and is instead making your life more difficult. That has to hurt.
Since you've indicated your sister is not one who would want big wedding, I'm guessing you don't think it's possible that she is jealous that you're getting married before she is. So, if it's not that, perhaps deep down inside she may be afraid of how her life, and her relationship with you, will change after you're married? Maybe she's upset about losing her sister in this process, and, instead of that making her want to be involved in everything and spend more time with you, perhaps she has instead just been running away from it all and feeling angry and frustrated about your big day -- sort of "rejecting" you before you can "reject" her by moving on with your new life? If she does feel this way, she may not even be aware of it. I just thought I would toss that out as something to consider.
Is she a younger sister? She sounds like my younger sister! Don't MOH's normally have a different dress than the other bridesmaids? I know my sister had a hard time with me getting married (she is a year younger than me) because she had been dating her boyfriend the same length of time as I had been dating mine when my husband proposed. My sister also has entitlement issues and is flaky. Luckily, she lives on another continent so I only had to put up with her nonsense the week of the wedding!
@ViaMinorViator: Sometimes the MOH wears a different dress, or a different color, or not. I was MOH for my sister, I wore the same dress but carried a single flower instead of the candle's the BM's carried. In my first wedding my MOH had the same dress as the BM's, in the same color, but hers had beading across the breast area like my wedding gown and the rest were plain. So in short (LOL) everyone is different I guess.
I just saw my sister and she pretended like nothing ever happened. BUT my mom just had to step in and make me feel even worse. She told me how much SHE hated the dress and blah blah blah. I hate the negativity. My mom has always been like this (which is why we have a hate/love relationship). Do they not understand that planning a wedding is already stressful enough? All my mom can f*n talk about is what she is going to wear! Like anyone is going to care! Its MY DAY! So why does she have to bring me down so much! I;m literally in tears right now. I wish I had a supportive mother.
@HappierKate: gotta love mom right?
Get your other BMs to gush about the dress you picked out in front of your mom and sister.
Post it here if you want, I bet it's lovely.
Also, if you want to go bridezilla (I am told we all get one bridezilla license that we can use for one occasion and get away with it), consider using going bridezilla on your mom and sister lol
Okay, maybe that won't help, but it might make you feel better. Is there anyone who can talk to the two of them? Your mom I can kind of understand freaking out but not about the bridesmaid dresses. Your sister, I really can't at this point.
If they're feeding off of eachother, I think you may need to intervene and tell them both that you really want their support. They don't need to give you a blank check to go nuts, but if they have a problem with an element of your wedding, can they please complain amongst themselves and not to you?
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Today is not my day! I just got into an arguement with my MOH, who happens to be my sister. She went to go get fitted for her dress and the first thing she does is text me complaining about the dress (it was her first time seeing it). She would've had an opinion on the dress the other girls chose if she WOULD"VE BEEN THERE. But she just didnt WANT to take time off to go dress shopping with the rest of us. She has not been involved in the wedding process AT ALL. I dont even think she cares that i am getting married. Yet I made her my MOH. She text me telling me "Im the MOH and I DESERVE something different!" That just made me blow up. She doesnt deserve anything. I cant believe that it is my other friends helping me out with EVERYTHING rather than her. And she still thinks she DESERVES something. Uugggghhhhh!
So I text her "you dont have to be in my wedding if you dont want to. You dont even care about it anyways."
I'm so mad!!!!!!!!! I just want to cry!