(Closed) So many children……

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You’re right, you have a few tough scenarios here!

Sorry for being confused, but what’s the issue on #1?  Is it the fact that you’d be breaking your own “no kids” rule to invite your cousins and god children?

In the situation of #2, I agree that it wouldn’t be cool to make your cousin’s husband choose one child.  That would be counter-productive to a new family trying to become one unit.  If at all possible, you should invite all the kids in this case, but if that’s not possible, then the lesser of two evils would be to just invite the blood-related child and that’s it.

In #3, some people might make a stink about it, but you know those couples better than we do.  If they’re rational people, then they should be OK with your decision if you explain that you wanted to include your god child specifically.

Personally, I’m a fan of the “all or nothing approach” – invite everyone’s kids or invite no one’s kids – zero exceptions.  Definitely the easiest solution would be to enforce the “no kids” rule across the board.  You shouldn’t make any exceptions just for the people who wouldn’t be happy with getting a babysitter for their kids.  Those parents will have to decide for themselves whether they’d rather leave their kids with a babysitter or decline your invitation.  Those are really harsh words, sorry, but that’s what it boils down to!  I went through a lot of similar issues with my own guest list.

Post # 4
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We encountered a similar dillema. We chose to let the kids come.

Honestly this is an all or nothing situation. You can’t let one person bring kids, whether they’re blood or not, and let another. By asking a new blended family to pick which children to bring you will probably cause an issue. Being the mom of a blended family, 5 kids total, I would be completely offended if you asked me to only bring my blood children or seperate them in anyway. They are now a family and everyone of them are equal to the other.

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the pps.  I think you need ot invite all or none.  (And I would think you’d get a healthy dose of local parents lopking to get a babysitter.  I would prefer to have an evening without the kids, for a wedding.

I do think there are options to invite “certain” kids.  If you were just inviting your own kids, or young siblings.  If you were only inviting the FG and RB, or even the kids of just the bridal party.  I don’t think anyone should complain about that.  And if they do, you can tell them “These are my________.  They are particularly close to me, and deserve special treament.”

But the scenario you have is pretty complicated.  I don’t think you can make a clean cut off.  So ppl are likely to think (hey….?)

Post # 6
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I disagree that you have to have an all or nothing rule.  We successfully implemented a “family children only” rule and got no resistance from anyone. Like the ever popular +1 discussion, if you want to split hairs over which children are invited then you have to have a clear to understand rule and apply it across the board.  I had a little bit of a hard time understanding how all of the children are involved with your wedding but you could try something like “nieces and nephews only” or “only chilren involved in the wedding ceremony.” I would not split up a family or treat similar groups (i.e. first cousins once removed) differently between families.

Post # 7
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I agree with the majority, it’s all or none. To do it otherwise will not make you look good in the eyes of friends and family.

If you choose all, have a kid’s table(s) where they can hang out while their parents are dancing. A good Wedding Host/DJ or your wedding planner should have some suggestions as how to include the kids while keeping them occupied, entertained and out of the way as much as possible.

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Personally, I’m having kids at my wedding but I think that it’s perfectly okay to have just children of family members. I went to a wedding like that recently and I wasn’t even slightly offended that I couldn’t bring my daughter. 

If everyone who is invited to our wedding actually comes, we have the potential of having about 45 kids… yikes! 

Post # 12
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yeah, it certainly does add a lot to the cost… frustrating!

 

Post # 13
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We chose to just include all the kids.    When people asked me why their children are invited I just respond, “They are invited as long as you will be watching them.   I am not spending my wedding chasing children away from the cake table.”   Or, ” they are invited and are welcome to come, but if you want to hire a babysitter, you may.”

Post # 14
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

I am also going to have to go with all or none on this one. Some may have been able to pull it off, but not everyone is as understanding as that. It would just be way too complicated for people to separate the two…

Post # 16
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Ho about something like this inserted with the invirtation.

“Sorry but, while we love your children and hope to have many of our own, we will not be able to accomidate children at the reception or ceremony.”

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