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So I have this bm who is a nightmare. She always nags me about stuff. Nag on this or on that. She is my fiance's brothers girlfriend with big potential of being his wife someday soon. And I'll tell you how all of our beef began, and is still here today, that I'm just about to a point where I kick her out.
When we announced to our parents that we were engaged and getting married, we already had our bridal parties picked out. My FI wanted his brother to be the best man, since its only two of them in the family, and they have stayed relatively close through out the years. And i had my MOH chosen out also, she was my best friend since I was 8 years old. (wooo, such a long time ago.) But here comes that girl my FI's brothers gf (lets call her Betty) and says that he isnt allowed to be in the wedding without her, so he withdraws from the wedding, because she said so. So my FI's was distraught, thats all he wanted for the wedding day was to have his brother stand on his side. So what's a girl to do? I let her know, hey its okay you can be in the wedding as my MOH. (try explaining that to your best friends of 15 years) Ands thats where it all began.
I went alone with her to see some bm's dresses, let me tell you she is THIN like 00000 thin. So I went with her to check what style dresses would do for her body shape, so she picked out these okay dresses that were more meant for summer or spring. But whatever, I was so sick of her that I just agreed to that dress and didnt care anymore. When i took the rest of the girls to see that dress and try it on (i have 6 bm's in total) they hated it! I couldnt force them to buy something they hated, especially something that was $180.00 and I wasnt paying for it. So we went with a mermaid type dress, it is absolutely STUNNING!!! But betty hates them. The dresses are originally strapless but I want straps on them and the girls agreed. All of the girls are having 3 inch straps, she said she wont have the 3 she wants 2.
She got her own hairdresser (when I already have 2 coming that morning) for the wedding. She wants an updo, when everyone elses hair is going to be down. And mine will be down too.
Then the brother cheated on Betty, with my best friend. (I know like what else can go wrong??) And Betty blames me for EVERYTHING!
I just dont know what to do anymore with her. She drives me nuts, and insane. I will loose all of my hair by the wedding day, because of her.
Oh. My.
I don't even know what to say, except that I'm very sorry you're in this position!!!! But did the FBIL break up with her? Or what.....
After the cheating are Betty and your FH's brother still together? Does he now feel differently about her demands that he can't be in the wedding without her? And why the heck did you ask her to be your MOH instead of a BM??
I want to say it doesn't sound like there' smuch you can really do if you've already asked her to be MOH and she's bought her dress and booked a stylist. As difficult as she is being, you can't ask her to step down just because she's not your perfect vision of a MOH. If you read a lot of the threads here, you will see that a lot of ladies have trouble with Bridesmaids not helping out or even acting like they care about the wedding, but it's never really recommended to kick someone out.
I'm really sorry this is happening and I hope it all works out. Just keep your head up and rely on your 'real' bridal party for emotional support.
Seriously. All your problems would be solved if "betty" breaks up with FBIL or vice-versa. Maybe your BF was trying to do you a favor... just kidding that's harsh. Cheating is bad. But still, the demise of this relationship would totally work out in your favor. I'd probably push for a breakup, but then again I'm a total b***h :)
Yeah, I don't have too much to say about this except I would have taken it as a warning sign right off the bat that she wouldn't "let" someone be in the wedding without her! What a bizarre demand! And even then, if I was nice enough to allow her in the wedding party, I wouldn't have had my best friend step down so that she could be MOH.
She sounds like a brat. I'm not sure how close your wedding is, but looks like you're going to have to put up with her.
Um, Betty blames you for your brother cheating on her? That's insane.
Your wedding is about you and FI. The last thing either of you need to deal with is someone else's drama on your special day. I would let her go, no matter what you have to pay her back, sounds to me like the peace of mind you get would be priceless.
I was just BM in a wedding where the MOH was the FI's sister. She somehow thought it was her wedding and there was drama between her, the bride and BMs. The morning of we wanted to spend those last few moments with our friend but it was awkward with her around because we knew she was there for the attention.
And since FI brother cheated on her and she blames you I wouldn't want her anywhere near you.
Usually I would always say you can't kick someone out of your wedding, but I think in this case you totally have an out - namely that (a) she blames you for FBIL cheating, and (b) the girl he cheated with is in the wedding party. I mean, that's just a recipe for disaster if ever I've heard one. I think you need to just say "I think, due to everything that's gone on recently between you and FBIL/BF and your feelings towards me, it would be best if you were no longer involved in the wedding." Harsh, yes, but anyone who you begrudgingly made your MOH (I can't believe you would actually do that, btw - too nice) who is blaming YOU for their BF cheating needs to get kicked to the curb. I'm thinking her relationship with FBIL isn't going anywhere anymore so you probably won't have to deal with her for the rest of your life. And you simply should not have someone as your MOH who would treat you like that and blame you for their problems. Kick her out, you won't regret it.
I think....in this situation...assuming that Betty and FBIL are broken up....I'd write Betty a check for the costs incurred and tell her to get outta my life and FI's life.
She's going to cause drama at your wedding. I don't see the woman being cordial to the girl her ex cheated on her with! Or her ex....or the family...or you...i mean, she's probably gonna flip boogers
I think it's ok to dump her from your wedding for this. They aren't together anymore are they? Oh gosh....if they are....how sad!!! If they're broken up....and she's being so hateful...I think I'd just do it and move on.
Yeah, it doesn't sounds like the bro and Betty are going to stick together, and then how awk are wedding photos going to be to see this random girl as the MOH.
That sounds horrible but if you're going to stick yourself in someones wedding at least be accomadating, I say boot her.
OP - Are Betty and FBIL broken up? If not, WTF?
Also, I think this may be the only bridesmaid dumping post where the consensus is that it's totally OK to dump her from the wedding party, which makes Betty truly awful.
Yeah, totally agree with what Kittyachi and ejs said. I suggest telling her that this isn't a good idea and send her a check.
Am I reading this correctly - did your FI's brother cheat on Betty with the best friend from when you were 8 who would have been MOH otherwise?
Your FI needs to talk to his brother about this one and how serious he is about the relationship, it sounds like a disaster. Is your best friend one of the bridesmaids? I can't see how it can be possible that this girl and your best friend are both in the wedding together and it work out in a fun way.
Um, whoa.
So, they are still together. And FBIL, Betty, and your Best Friend (the girl he cheated on her with) will all be in the wedding party together?
I think this is wedding suicide. Your FI needs to do some intervention with his brother and his girlfriend. Obviously they need a good ole fashion smack upside the head.
I don't even really know what to say at this point except WTH and send you some magical superpowers to deal with the drama that is to come. Maybe your Fi can convince eveyone just to be chill, but somehow i imagine her having a shriek-fest
The reason she has to be my MOH is because she said if they have to walk down the aisle seperate then she wants to be no part of it, in result he leaves the wedding too. So thats that. I just really wanted my FI to have his brother there, I was willing to sacrafice my MOH.
And on top of all of this she talks crap about the wedding, to so many people. And its just so hurtful.
Im just so sick of her!!
Oh and my bf apologized to her (which isnt going to make it up, of course) and told her the truth about everything that happened.. (Which i know she did, because this girl never lies, no matter how bad the situation might be).. Betty decided to confront the brother and he told her that my BF came on to him and that they didnt do anything, just flirt. When everyone else knows the truth, Betty still believes him. And calls my BF a liar, when the brother was deff the one who came on to her.. I mean I seen the way he was looking at her when I first introduced her to their family. Ugh.
This is the most drama I have ever had in my lifeeee.
I just need to vent,
Thanks girls.
Ha, and yes they are both still in the wedding party.
And Im just at the point where if I have heck from her my wedding morning which is (November 7th ah, a month away!!!) I will punch her, if I dont end up kicking her out.
Oh, did I also mention that she hates my FI??? haha, the irony.
What does your FI say in all of this? Maybe this is the selfish thing to do, but I say kick her out, and let him handle the fallout with his brother.
It sounds like your FI bro needs a good kick in the pants and is just as difficult as Betty.
1) Why won't he be in the wedding without his girlfriend? Plenty of people do it and she can't dictate what he does, I guess she could break up with him but if that's what causes a break up then better now than later.
2) Cheating and lying - really? (Not that your bf is not at fault though either)
But really - no one is considering you in this. I'd really express to the FI what a disaster this could end up being and see if he can talk to his brother.
I talked to the FI but, neither of us can get through to that guys head.
I just want my wedding day to be normal, no awkward moments, no hate stares. I just dont want it all.
KICK HER OUT! Seriously, it's your wedding. I would NEVER let someone manipulate myself or my FI like that. Kick her out - you'd have a much happier bridal party and you'd be a lot more happy!
Ummm did anyone not notice the most INSANE part is that she told the Brother that he could be in HIS OWN BROTHER'S WEDDING!!!! I am the only one who thinks this is completely insane that the brother then dropped out???? I would tell my boyfriend to TAKE A HIKE if he told me I couldnt be in my sister or brother's wedding. Im sorry, I feel totally bad for you about this whole situation bc you shouldnt be forced to have someone you dont even like as your MOH, let alone a bridesmaid, but your FBIL needs to grow a pair and leave that girl once and for all.
is this post a joke?
you didn't have to make her your maid of honor, you could have had her just in the regular wedding party (IF you had to, which you didn't). Plus, the difference in straps is hardly noticeable, and that's an expensive dress so I say let her buy whatever straps she wants. And she's paying for her own hairstyle! Isn't that a nice thing? One less thing for you to have to do? If you can't get the strength to tell her that you don't know her very well and she won't be in your wedding party, then I dont know what to tell you. She sounds like a brat if she's saying bad things about you, but what can you do now? you already asked her to be your MOH. It's one of those situations where I can't really feel any sympathy for you for her bad behavior.
:) Stay strong girl, hope that they break up for good and that she decided to not be in the wedding party and your best friend can step back into her spot as MOH.
@Melissabegins... way harsh girl. sheesh
When is your wedding?
This advice is coming from someone who's always been the one to let people walk all over her: You need to take control of the situation. You're letting this person whom you hate--who probably won't even be a part of your lives in the next year or so considering how things are going--have control over your wedding. It's not fair to you nor your fiance. When you look back at your wedding your memories should be happy. The way things are going I foresee a lot of regret when things are all said and done.
What does your fiance think about the whole situation? He really needs to talk to his brother and tell him to man-up. If his brother means so much to him, the feeling should be reciprocated... I mean, if your fiance's relationship with his brother is strong, I don't understand why his brother would step down from your wedding because his girlfriend told him to. A girlfriend whom he obviously doesn't care that much about if he just cheated on her.
And, if they talk and nothing changes, then at least take the MOH title away from her. I'm sure she feels like she has more power and more say-so being your MOH. I've seen a lot of weddings where the BMs and GM walk out seperately, maybe that would be an option? Maybe she won't be jealous if your FBIL walks down the aisle alone.
Anyway, this makes me so sad. I hate that your wedding is associated with so many negative feelings. From someone with so much experience being taken advantage of, take a deep breath, stand tall, and tell her to STFU or GTFO.
<3
you think so? I thought it was just being realistic... if she's a terrible person, has done horrible things to you, your brother, your best friend, and you invite her to be your MOH, what do you expect? i didn't mean to be harsh, but I also don't want to coddle her. I'll let you guys take it from here
If my sister's boyfriend even hinted that she couldn't be in the wedding without him, I would kick him to the curb myself. Ridiculous.
Wow mellisa, I wonder how you would feel if someone said something to you like that?
And I do see my own fault in this, but I hope everything went well on your wedding. And no one talked bad about it, and if they did I'm sure you wouldnt have just o well.
So thanks for your input.
i kind of agree with melissabegins... this situation is ridiculous!
the girl is clearly crazy and i am sorry you're going through this and there is so much drama. but why did you ask her to be your moh?? that spot is reserved for someone who loves you! i just don't get it...
So brother cheats on her but still listens to her when it comes to being in the wedding party (without her = no bestman)... ? Shocking that brother wouldn't stand up for your FI against betty... when you are being insainly accomidating to him and his betty..
So sorry you are dealing witht his stress. . . I would also say give her the boot. but I get that it is more tricky than that... I hope it all works out.
Yikes!! This is frustrating but I don't know what you can do at this point. I think your options are to kick her out or to suck it up and hope for the best. You probably didn't know how badly it would escalate this time but lesson learned about dealing with her in the future!
It's hard, you want to be accomodating so everyone has a good time, and if you still get all your friends as BM, I can see why you would think it wasn't a big deal and it would make your FI happy.
At the same time - it's now time to not just vent and deal with that it took a miserable turn - I don't understand all the ins and outs of how much drama would induce depending on what you did (and with it only be a month left) but I'm not sure it's good to just sit around hating this girl and being pushed around by her.
The wedding is November 7th, and about my FI he loves his brother a lot, he is his younger brother. So he tries to put a better example for him to follow. Just for some reason the FI, doesnt want his brother out of the wedding party. He wont let him go. And I'm pretty sure he feels like that is what he is supposed to do is because there is only 2 of them. You know?
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