SO messaging "ex-crush" on Facebook, help?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I be worried??
    Yes : (14 votes)
    27 %
    No : (38 votes)
    73 %
  • Post # 3
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t think anyone here can give you advice, because I think you need to talk to someone, frankly. I’m not trying to be mean or snarky…but he literally did absolutely nothing wrong at all. And it sems like you WANT to find something. You’re reading so much into this, but there is nothing there. He’s been transparent, and honest with you. And if you can’t move past this you’re going to sabotage your relationship.

    You know you need to get over it, but don’t seem able to, and that’s why I think you need to talk to a professional who can give you coping skills. Because I can tell you to just get over it, but that’s not going to help.

    Post # 4
    42961 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    willow_1960:  Perhaps he was just being polite? When someone send you congratulations, it is courteous to say thank-you.

    Maybe you can use his time away to get some therapy to help you deal with your insecurities.

    Post # 5
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    willow_1960:  When I read this post, something about it sounded familiar, so I searched for your past posts, and was right, because I commented on something similiar two months ago!!! 

    In short, you NEED TO STOP.  I would be empathetic if there was more for you to worry about, but honestly…there is no content here that I see a reason for you to be so insecure.  They NEVER dated, therefore she is not an ex.  He is completely honest with you when they do communicate…which, is only ever over Facebook, which if you really count that as solid communication, or a ‘congrats’ as flirting, then we would all be in trouble!!!  I post comments/or likes to old friends/acquintances, some of which are male, without having a single ounce of romantic feelings toward them!!!!!

    You will push him away.  In fact, it seems you are finding any reason to push him away, to  NOT trust him, to prove a theory that you will always get hurt in a relationship?!  That is all I can think of, as to why you keeping beating this same ‘horse’ over and over again.  

    As far as why ‘her’, perhaps you are worried that since they never did anything, he may regret it down the road?!  But, I can assure you that of all the crushes in my life, and there have been A LOT, or of all the times I may have wanted to date someone, and it never worked out, I sit here today – happy as can be in my relationship/marriage – and have NEVER thought twice about those people.  I only want my partner, and he only wants me.  


    Post # 7
    4960 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    willow_1960:  Therapy. Seriously. To get over your trust issues. This is no way to live and will only get worse. I never feel the need to snoop. Ever. And neither does my DH. Trust, love, and respect are the foundation to a relationship and those are like 3 legs of a stool. If one is missing, it will fall over. Or something like that I heard long ago from a therapist. Good advice.

    Post # 8
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    willow_1960:  Your insecurities are not fair to him. Really, the extent of your suspicions are not normal. He shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells and avoid clearly harmless messages (online no less!) for fear of offending you. 

    Post # 11
    5967 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017


    willow_1960:  Ok I have responded to your other threads. At this point I think  you need to seek some therapy. You have a very unhealthy fascination with this girl and you are risking ruining a relationshp with someone who has seemingly done nothing wrong. Not even anything questionable in my mind.

    Please, go and talk to someone about this. It’s borderline obsessive. I’m not tryin to be mean but it really is extreme. And this is coming from someone who has had completely uncalled for suspicions and insecurities in relationships. This is just really kind of out of hand. Your SO is only going to be able to be patient and understanding for so long. he has done everything in his power to reassure you and to explain his every action as best as he can. LET IT GO. 

    Post # 12
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    willow_1960:  Good luck with everything. You guys seem to be in an otherwise healthy relationship. If it helps, try to imagine yourself in his situation. If you know for a fact that you’ve done nothing wrong it can be a pretty insulting bug to have buzzing in your ear. No need to worry unless he really gives you a reason to.

    Post # 15
    2773 posts
    Sugar bee

    If you don’t stop, you will lose him period!

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