- 3 years ago
So just yesterday I posted somehting related to this, and it helped to see what others thought.. and I feel much better but it’s still gnawing at me a bit today.. So I figured I would reword it today since I also have more of an idea of WHAT is bugging me, after giving it some thought.
My guy had military training before he met me a year ago out of state, there he met a girl he became interested in, she’s from the same small island of Guam as him, so I think he thought that was pretty cool. Apparently while pursuing her, he even tried to learn her (and his) language, jsut to be charming… eventually training ended (dont think they ever actually dated or anything actually happened, just more like a crush), and she went back to Guam and he came back to our state.
I knowt his because he told me so, when we began dated, as well as a short run of all his otehr past interests. But for some reason this girl stuck in my mind, plus she is really pretty… Not the girl eh dated for 5 years, or either one of his one night stands, nope THIS girl stuck.. (maybe because she was the one before me??..)
Anyway, about a year after that training or so, (we were already dating by then) he graduated and got commissioned, and psoted pictures on facebook.. she as well as other people commented “Congrats!” and the like… but me being me.. I noticed her comment and was like *glares* haha
Shortly after, while hanging out talking, I made a slightly snarky remark like “I see X commented on your facebook” with a smirk.. to kinda tease him, yet kinda let some jealousy out.. and he just kidna chuckled and said yeah I know, I actually messaged her (or soemthing like that, its hard to remember exactly what he said), but I guess by my look he could tell i wasn’t comfortable and immedieatly said, how it was nothing (not in a defensive tone, just kinda light hearted way of showing me his phone without me asking)… and so at first I didn’t want to look because ITS HIS FACEBOOK but I lookd and he was right, there was nothing wrong with the messages, friendly but not flirty or wrong.. the last message was hers saking him something about military, but he didnt reply and told me he wouldnt because he was done talking to her… like.. he just wanted to know what was new but not looking to chat her up… (plus i think my reaction didn’t help..)
So I tried to let it go, and I did for a few months.. till I started thinking “what if they continued talking???” what if this what if that… and I wanted to snopp so bad.. but I didnt. I told him my snooping urges, and that it was eating at me, and he showed me very calmly getting on his phone, to his facebook, to the message, and nope, no new messages or replies… and i felt silly and horrible for having not just trusted him…
Now, since yesterday it’s been getting at me again! and I ahve no idea why… we haven’t been fighting or anything! I dont know if its because he is leaving for military training soon (not that she would be there or anything)… or because of his new job we havent been able to spend as much time together… so I may be projecting me missing him by beign mad idk!
What bugs me about the facebook thing is, yeah I know he has a past, I accept his other past girls! I know he has girl friends, he’s not big on having girl friends, but the ones he has here, I know in person and they’re gorgeous, yet they dont bug me.. I am fine with him gtexting them or grabbing lunch sometimes.. But this girl just grinds my gears, and its nto the girl, its the idea of him still wanting her I guess..
We talked yesterday about my fears and just my feelings towards it and he was very patient ,saying I have nothing to worry about that he wants me and that she was just a crush at the time, that people move on.. that she commented on his facebook, so he tought he would see how she was doing… but then the little voice in my head thinks “why?? why do you wanna know?? ” it seemed unecessary to me to message her.. yet he DID tell me about it, and truthfully if he hadn’t I would’ve NEVER known! So if he was hiding it, why tell me right? or maybe he felt guilty and told me??
Again, the messages werent flirty aside from a smiley here and tehre but it mostly seemed friendly… he did stop messaging her from what I know.. so why is it eating at my sanity???
Is it wrong of me to feel uneasy from him messaging an ex-crush jsut because she said “congrats!”??
Other than this, he is sweet, and caring and open, I can’t keep going to him replaying what happened and trying to understand why he did it… when I asked him why he messaged her.. he kinda paused.. liek he was thinking (on the phone) and so I read that as.. “either he’s trying to think of why because he didn’t give it much thought at the time, him thinking it was harmless”… or “hes trying to come up with a good excue becuase really he wanted to talk to her, or missed her or wanted the thrill or to flirt.. “
And so please bees, I know a lot of you have put itme into messaging me and I appreciate it, but now my question is more specific, why do you think he messaged her? Do guys really just message girls as “friends” even if there was an interest in the past? am I just crazy? why is it that only this girl bugs me, and all th eother girls I am fine with??