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Girl I feel your pain. I got back last night from a week long visit with Mr. LR... We saw each other 8 weeks before that for about 36 hours. He's been working crazy hours, and I've been so busy with school, so we don't talk that much. It sucks balls, to put it nicely. I've been helping myself out by reading romance novels. Yes, pathetic. I'll see him again in 3 weeks for about a week and then IDK. :( PM me any time you want to biatch ab this :)
PS- I totally agree! 3 hours? Seriously? Think about the military spouses before you post something like that! Their SO are gone and in danger for so long that it is unfathomable, but it keeps things in perspective ;)
I know how you feel. My boyfriend and I will not be seeing each other in person for 8 months and I wish I could have spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with him and his wonderful family. And I do agree, I get so pissed off when girls/women complain about being away from their SO for a few days and whine like it's the end of the world.
It's totally normal to feel extra lonely and sad around the holidays when your SO is away. It would be a little abnormal if you weren't feeling this way!
But, coming from a military spouse and the sister of a Marine wife, the holidays and when you celebrate it are totally up to you!! You don't have to be bound by the 'traditional' days you celebrate the holidays. Why not have your own Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years with your man whenever you see him after the holidays? I know you're seeing him before, but you can always celebrate twice... why not?!?
My DH will definitely deploy at some point over the holidays, probably next year. We've already decided that whenever he gets home, we'll celebrate the holidays then. I don't care if it's July!! We'll pull out the tree, decorate, make Christmas cookies, and watch It's A Wonderful Life while eating Thanksgiving dinner. It's still hard for him to be away, but having that to look forward to helps to make the actual holiday easier. My sister and her Marine do this too and love it.
It's also very normal to feel awkward around each other after being apart for awhile. Take your time easing back into your relationship and communicate about everything you're feeling and thinking. Depending on how long you've been apart, it could take a long time to readjust, but just be patient and don't despair thinking it's all over. You've been away from each other for awhile, so give yourself and him time to figure out how you work as a couple again.
@piglet_625: Aww your response just made me smile! Sorry I didn't see it before :) That's such an adorable idea!
I'm glad the awkwardness is normal. I guess I'm scared we won't readjust within a week and it'll make for a really crappy time apart after that lol!
@Leahhh: Thanks :) We're going to call it Thanksmas!! I'm actually really excited about it. We also will likely celebrate Birthaversary too lol. ;-)
@Leahhh: I know EXACTLY what you're going through. Don't feel so bad, you can still make the most of the holidays!! I got so desperate on Thanksgiving I ditched my family and I cooked a very elaborate meal just to spend time with FI on skype LOL. I haven't seen my fiance in over 6 months and won't be seeing him for another 3-5 months!!! I hope you feel better :)
@mexicanabeibi: Awww that's awful! Makes me feel bad for complaining about not seeing him for 4 months haha :) Looks like we have a similar timeline for the wedding too! Good luck to you too. Thank you :)
This is going on month 6 for me being apart from my FI. This has been the longest time apart and its wearing on me. I definitely know how you feel. Its kinda hard planning a wedding and things with your partner that is so far away. I just miss the little things like going to the movies and fixing breakfast for him.
I am assuming that all of your guys are military?? My FI will be leaving for 11 weeks of training sometime in the next few months and that is hard enough for me to think about! He left for 9 weeks 2 years ago and that was hard and we had only been dating for over a year. I could not imagine a year! I give you ladies big koodos. I dont know if I could do it. I live in a military town and have friends that are married to the military.
So how do you keep youselves busy? Work? Family? How do you prepare for them leaving?
@labluver: Aww I suppose I'm not the best person to answer because I'm not doing so well with it ;)
But I think the reason I had such a hard time adjusting to him being gone is that I was used to working full time and going to school full time and seeing him when I wasn't busy (or studying with him, more commonly.) When I moved back home, I suddenly had free time with NOTHING to fill it with. No friends, no work, no school. And because I had nothing to fill it with, I didn't feel like doing anything.. and that made me more depressed. I kept trying to do things even though I didn't feel like it but it was hard to pull myself out.
I'm talking past tense because I am finally starting to feel like myself again! There's still some insecurity and sadness but it's more manageable. At least it has been for the past few days! I'm hoping it keeps on going this way and I feel better from here on out.
The biggest things I've been doing that help:
1. Talk to people even when I don't feel like it. Especially at school.
2. Make lists of things I need to do. It gives me purpose and makes me not just wanna lie in bed all day! Having a solid list of things to do kind of puts the pressure on.
@labluver: Yup, my DH is military and is currently gone for a year for training. He's in the states and I can go visit, so it's not like a deployment, but it's still hard. Honestly, the first month is the hardest. After that, you get into your own routine and it gets easier to cope.
11 weeks is a long time, though. It's almost 3 months. The first 3-4 weeks will be the hardest, and you'll think it can't possibly get better. But, somehow it does, and then before you know it, it's halfway over and you're counting down to his return!
Any separation causes a funny phenomenon to happen in relationships, though. When he first comes home, it may be a little weird at first. You'll both be so happy for him to be home, but expect the adjustment time for him to mesh back into your daily routine and you into his to take some time. For year-long deployments, the general advice is that it takes about a month to readjust, so I would guess for you guys, the first week or two may be a little weird.
Just plan lots of activities to keep you busy (work, exercise classes, hanging out with friends), and enjoy your alone time. Watch girly movies, stay up late, eat foods he hates, and enjoy being in complete control of the remote and your schedule. It's tough, but it will only hurt your relationship if you allow it to.
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I'm gonna start off with: if you have nothing nice to say, please don't respond. I'm feeling like a steaming pile of mierda already.
I love the holidays. Love them sooo much. I look forward to them all year long, because it's the one time of year I'm overwhelmingly happy, even when I'm stressed, depressed, whatever. Everything around me makes me happy regardless. It gives me hope that life is generally good.
Not this year.
Thanksgiving usually feels amazing because it kicks off the rest of the holiday season. Nope. It just felt like another damn mediocre day. I don't care about having a tree, even, and I'm usually the first to insist we put it up and decorate. I just feel so listless. All I can think about is not having a kiss on New Years, not waking up together and opening presents together christmas morning, then snuggling up and watching christmas movies. None of that. Not even the hope of that.
It should make me better that I'm seeing him for a week before christmas, but I'm just scared. He feels like a stranger because we don't talk much, as we're both pretty introverted and just.. don't talk that much in general. I'm scared I can't just integrate back into our relationship.
I feel so alone and I'm back to feeling like I can't breathe and that my heart is breaking every morning I don't wake up with him.
On a slightly different note, I'm pretty sure I will strangle the next girl who posts "OMG! My husband is gone for 3 WHOLE hourzzz I miss him so much lulz <333" or the equivalent on their FB status.
If you don't have advice I'll take commiseration. I'm having a hard time talking to people IRL about it, lol :(