Post # 1
I have been in this situation before, but it was handled the complete opposite of how it is being handled this time. I need some advice or insight.
I have been seeing a guy for almost a year now. He moved here during a transitional period and he told me the minute I met him that he would be moving away again one day (although he didn’t know when). I won’t call him my boyfriend because I broke up with him a while ago but we started trying to get back together about a month and a half ago after he made a major positive change in his life (I don’t want to go into detail because I don’t want someone to be able to identify me) but then this happened.
We have had a whirlwind relationship, and I fell for him fast and hard. I am still 100% completely in love with him and I can’t imagine life without him. Well… this past week he told me he finally knows when he is moving and it is in two weeks. He will be moving literally across the country to a different coast. Since that day, it has been a rollercoaster. At first he said he wanted to try and make things work between us, and now he is saying he doesn’t even want to see me during his last two weeks here because it will make it harder for him to leave if we continue to build a relationship. He has cried over it and said, “I just love you so much, it’s going to be so hard leaving you,” and said he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me. So it seems to me like if he really loved me that much he would want to make the best of the last two weeks he has here and spend all the time we can together? The last time I saw him was horrible… basically me crying and being upset. I don’t want that to be my last memory of him. But it seems like he doesn’t want to give me a chance to make a new one.
I just don’t get it because he’s known since the start that he was moving so why start a relationship with me in the first place if that was the case?
What do you guys think? Should I just let it go?
Post # 3
He doesn’t want to continue the relationship. I’d drop him like a hot potato.
Post # 4
“I just don’t get it because he’s known since the start that he was moving so why start a relationship with me in the first place if that was the case?”
In all fairness, he told you upfront what to expect. I’m sure that doesn’t make you feel any better, though. I don’t mean that in a snarky way at all; I just wanted to point out that you answered your own question.
I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s heartbreaking. I think you just need to let this guy go. He obviously isn’t interested in long-distance, so there’s no way to make this work. Realistically, long-distance rarely works out anyway.
As for how you left things, I think you deserve more closure than what you got. I wouldn’t want my last memory of someone to involve a bunch of crying and heartbreak.
Post # 5
I would let it go. He’s moving half way across the country. Unless you’re planning on following him, I would move on.
Side story–DH found out he was getting a promotion 250 miles away three months into us dating. He immediately started planning for how I could visit him using the $1 bus from Burlington to Boston. He ended up not moving for three more months… And when he went to look for apartments, he asked me to come with him!
We moved to Boston together after dating for just over six months!
Post # 6
My first question is Why does he HAVE to move and can you not go with him?
He probably started a relationship with you because he didn’t know he’d fall for you the way he did. I understand not wanting to see you again, it would make it harder, but that puts you in a crappy spot.
I dont really have any advice, i cancelled a long-term trip to Australia when i met my now Fi because i had to see where this relationship would go. Australia would always be there but this handome man might not. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, 2 weeks is a short amount of time and you have a lot of adjustments to make in that time!!
Post # 7
You’ve known since the beginning that he was going to leave, so why did YOU start a relationship with HIM?
That’s not really a question, I totally understand how/why this happened. Unfortunately I don’t know that there’s much you can do about it. I would let it go. You’re not even technically together. It’s great that he made a positive life change and it made you want to work it out with him, but it doesn’t change the fact that he still, after a year, plans to move as he originally said. There are plenty of ways to keep in touch across thousands of miles, give him time to move and get settled. If he wants to re-connect he knows where to find you.
Post # 8
Good points. When I said he has known since the beginning he was moving, I mean it more as — he’s known since the beginning he was moving, so why now that he has a date set for moving does he not want to see me? Because it was always there, just in the distance and unknown.
Post # 9
I’ve been in quite a few long distance relationships and the reason why my current one has lasted 2 years long distance (and then tack on another 3 future years) is because we both want this completely and totally.
Long distance is hard and unless both partners are completely on board with the idea it’s going to fail. I’m sure that he cares about you and loves you but at the end of the day he doesn’t see himself doing a long distance relationship. Some people aren’t made for long distance relationships.
I think you have to try and compose yourself and let this end on good terms. I’d keep in touch with him, maybe one day you will end up nearby and have the chance to rekindle this but in the meantime I’d see him off and try and move on.
I’m really sorry.
Post # 10
Time to let go. Sounds like he’s made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to continue.
Post # 11
It sounds like he entered the relationship knowing that he was going to leave at some point. As a result, he made sure he didn’t too attached. You also knew, but many women will know the situation and still dive in head first and figure that love will change everything. Unfortunately, you see that is not the case. At least for him. I am sure that he loves you, but I also think that he kept a wall up to assure that when it was time to leave he was able to break away. Men(usually) are different sweetie. I am so sorry, but you need to let him go. It will hurt now, but things will get better. That I can promise. Big Hugs from Chicago 🙂
Post # 12
I’m sorry, this sucks majorly! I will say that everyone deals with the sadness of moving differently. For example, I make it a point to see people who are moving up until the last second I possibly can. My aunt, on the other hand, used to have a taxi drive her to the airport when she was done visiting us, because she couldn’t stand the pain of a tearful goodbye at the airport. The fact that he is withdrawing from you does not mean that he loves you any less, it’s probably just how he’s dealing with the loss.
That said, I don’t understand why his move is so sudden. Two weeks is a very short amount of time. Did he get a job that he has to accept ASAP? If not, it seems rather disrespectful of you to give you such short notice, especially since maybe you wouldn’t have gotten back together with him if you knew how soon he would leave.
None of this really matters in the end, though. It sounds like he has made his decision to leave, and on top of that, he is not interested in continuing a relationship with you. That’s really all you need to know. It sucks, but at least there’s no ambiguity about it. You will grieve and then move on and find someone amazing who lives near you permanently, and you will make each other your priority. Good luck, hon.
Post # 13
Definately lethim go. You knew he was going to leave. I know this is hard but try to keep yourself busy.
Post # 14
@Zombies55: It sounds like it’s over. If he’s not your future life partner, then it’s time to move on and look for the man who is.
Post # 15
@Zombies55: let me guess…..rhis recent rekindling and professions of lovehave also involved no strings attached sexy time to himk?
actions speak louder than words. when a man truly loves a woman so much, he will move mountains to make sure shes his. he doesnt avoid time with her. people show you who they are. in this case hes even told you. why wouldnt you believe him?
yes it sucks, but in the future you can avoid this by not choosing unavailable men.
Post # 16
@Zombies55: He hasn’t really given you any options here – he is moving, he hasn’t asked you to come, or continue the relationship. He is moving and that’s it. I’m sorry to say, but there isn’t anything you can do 🙁