Post # 1
…He felt the need to inform me in a private Facebook message that he and his recent gf (aka best friend since childhood) tied the knot today at the courthouse.
Has anyone else watched with horrible engagement envy as ex-bfs, high school tormentors, or otherwise insane people get engaged before you?
I know its silly. I don’t want him anymore. I’m not wishing THAT was me, exactly. I just can’t shake the feeling of, “Wasn’t I good enough to marry? Why am I STILL not good enough to marry?”
I’ve also been dealing a lot with this feeling of resentment. I wish we had never gone ring shopping because now its not happening with each passing perfect opportunity, and I wonder if he has changed his mind. He jokes about awful rings, and jokes about awful proposals and jokes about getting me earrings for my birthday so it’ll come in a small box to fake me out. Jokes about “how do I even start the conversation to ask your dad?”
But still nothing. For months, nothing. So I see my ex boyfriend get married and it just makes me want to scream. Anyone else dealing with this?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MissRuthie: What a douche to send you a message about it. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Let her deal with his BS. Oh, and I am sure she would love the fact that he is messaging his ex.
I was pissed when I saw my ex husband out and about with his new girlfriend and her four(!) kids, especially since he told me he never wanted any kids at all. Hold your chin up and carry on, it gets better and eventually you will meet a guy that loves you enough to want to marry you. I’m crazy enough to do it a second time!
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
P.S. Block him on FB to save yourself the drama of finding out more things about his relationship that you don’t want to know. Do you really want to see a birth announcement when they get pregnant?
Post # 5
I didn’t get married til I was almost 40, so yes, it happened to me a lot. Now I see so many of them griping and complaining about their, now exes, or their spouses on FB and twitter. IMO, it’s best just to focus on making yourself happy, stable, and ready for when the time comes (and it will come), that way you can look back at those exes and HS tormentors and realize how far they fell after you.
Post # 6
Not sure why you’re even in contact with someone who would treat you like that. What an asshat.
I’d 100% rather wait a long time and be married to the right guy than have a wedding soon and be married to some dink.
Post # 7
Yeah, it sucks. I had 2 ex’s in a row get married the the next girl they met/dated. One took a grand total of 3 months of dating to propose to her, and the other took 6.
The best part about the guy who proposed after knowing his now wife for 3 months, was that I ended up at her bachelorette party, which was the day before their wedding. It was my friend’s bachelorette as well, and both parties were at the same (small) place. I saw his sister there and she started rubbing it my face.
At the end of thet day, it doesn’t matter. Who knows how good or bad their relationships are. There’s a reason you’re not marrying your ex. Just enjoy what you have and try not to think about ex’s. It’ll only drive you insane.
Post # 8
My ex-boyfriend (from high school) got married a few months ago. I know this because I’m FB friends with his younger brother (who is my age). I wasn’t jealous or even resentful that my current SO and I aren’t even engaged yet. In fact, the only emotions I really had were glee at how FAT he’d gotten (yes, I realize I’m petty) and how ugly her bridesmaid’s dresses were.
Don’t even give it another moment’s thought…he’s not worth it.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
@MissRuthie: For what it’s worth, my FI suddenly started joking in the Spring of 2011 that he “never wanted to get married” and “there’s no need to get married” and stuff like that. I tried not to let him show how much it bugged me because I didn’t want to come across as pushy. But a couple times he could see how much it upset me and he would apologize and say “you know I really am just joking” but then a couple weeks later he’d say it again.
At the time, I let it go because some of my friends had started speculating “Maybe he’ll propose at graduation!” and I was silly and told him that. We also had a couple good friends get engaged and our first friends get married that spring/summer. I assumed it was his way of letting me know he wasn’t ready (because we had DEFINITELY talked before that and I knew marraige and kids and a family were in his life goals.)
To make myself feel better, I came up with my “own” timeline.. I assumed that he wouldn’t propose until Jan – June of 2013, because he graduated in Dec of 2012 and that would give him time before his school loans hit to save and buy a ring. LO AND BEHOLD my wonderful surprise when he proposed Feb of 2012! He did initially start the joking because he was, at the time, thinking “why the rush? I don’t want to get her hopes up its that soon.” And then during the fall of 2011, he really got to thinking about what he wanted and WHEN he wanted it. Specifically, kids. Something also kind of clicked with him that engagements typically last about a year or around there, and that if we wanted a few years of marriage before kids, well then gee, he better get on it! And that was how he came to the conclusion himself that although there WASNT a rush, per say, he knew he was ready when it made sense in his mind.
He CONTINUED joking about “never getting married” because he didn’t want me to catch on!
What I’m trying to say, is he took you ring shopping… and now he’s making jokes to cover up that it might be soon! I don’t want to get your hopes up either that that is 100% what is going on, but if he took you shopping and you both have seriously discussed it, he may be hoping to throw you off the scent with the jokes about it all! Mine first came to the conclusion he was going to start saving/shopping around in Oct/Nov… so the whole process took a couple months as well! I just didn’t know about it so it wasn’t in my face to agonize over.
And to answer your question about dealing with the ex, unfortunately I do not have very helpful advice… just to keep your head up, and know that even if your ex “got there first” it doesn’t make HIM or his relationship better… you are worth the surprise and the planning and the saving and the THOUGHT for your guy to take his time to make it special!
Post # 10
it’s sooooooooooo weird that he messaged you about that.
Post # 11
I had an ex best friend get married recently. We had a very huge falling out (she didn’t accept me being bisexual) and she text me out of the blue the week before the wedding (almost 2 years since we last spoke). We hadn’t spoken since we explicitly said “we’re not friends anymore” and I told her never to contact me again. I stayed cordial and still to this day have no idea why she text me but part of me wishes I told her to go jump off a bridge with weights tied around her ankles. The other part of me is glad I was the bigger person. In the 15 texts that went back & forth, she also informed me she was getting married. Yay?… She moved states literally in SEARCH of a husband and was in her early 20s when she got married after like a year and a half maximum of knowing the guy. Pretty sure this was a case of “oh you’ll fit into my life plans perfectly, let’s get married!”
I hope she gets divorced or he cheats. He didn’t leave her at the alter like I had originally hoped so I’m going for 2nd best here haha yes, obviously I’m still bitter but she’s a raging bitch and deserves it.
Post # 12
I know you are frustrated about being in waiting mode, but that is a separate issue from your ex B/F. Personally, I would find it oddly comforting that he decided to contact you on his wedding day. It means that on one of the most important days of his life, a day when he made a commitment to the new woman in his life, a day when he should have been solely focused on HER, he was thinking of YOU!
I would have been super upset if DH had taken a moment on our wedding day to contact his ex-girlfriend to keep her posted on his relationship status. Yikes….
That’s not a marriage I would want to be in. It sounds like there is a small part of him that is still carrying the torch for you, and you dodged a bullet.
As for the jokes your SO is making about the direction of your relationship — I would simply put a stop to that, pronto. I don’t mean to sound as if I am oversimplifying things — but simply DO. NOT. PUT UP WITH THAT NONSENSE. The next time he opens his yap and makes a tacky joke about giving you earrings to fake you out, tell him calmly that you don’t find that funny and you want him to stop. Try not to freak out on him or start a fight, but tell him nicely and lovingly yet FIRMLY that those comments hurt your feelings, that marriage is something you want very much, and it is HURTING YOU when he toys around with you like that.
I hope your SO is just not realizing the effect his words have on you, and that once he understands that, he will stop. But if he doesn’t — girlfriend, life is short. You don’t have time to waste on someone who wants to play around and treat your hopes and dreams like a punchline to a joke. Be prepared to walk from the relationship if he is not meeting your needs.
Post # 13
Aw, please dont get so down over this. None of this has nothing to do with the wonderful person you are, and most guys are completely clueless to realize a good thing even if its dancing around infront of their very eyes.
My ex is a douchebag also. When I was with him, I had talked about moving out West, and he was vehemently opposed to the idea of him ever moving there with me. We had a TON of issues (mainly because he was a psycho), and eventually we broke up. After that, when I started dating my now-fiance, he started dating his childhood friend and soon after MOVED OUT WEST WITH HER because she wanted to do Grad school there. AND he had the nerve to email me and ask me if I had any job connections in the West so he could find a job there. Needless to say, I seethed about his nerve for DAYS, but never answered back to his ridiculousness. Just talked to people and got it out of my system. What a JERKBAG.
Anyway, when you say you’re getting frustrated with waiting.. Do you mean with your current guy? I’ve been there too! I was waiting, but bless my fiance, he definitely likes taking his sweet time.
Trust me hon, it will work out. Your man is just figuring his stuff out. Let him. 🙂 He will come and surprise you when you finally stop thinking about it. And it will be absolutely amazing 🙂
Post # 14
@MissRuthie: I understand how you feel and it sucks. I didn’t feel that way about my ex getting married, but I did about just the general way that he treated her with more respect than he treated me and I’m the mother of his children! It’s not like I really spend any time thinking about it, but it irks me that he tries to throw it in my face. He comes over here to pick up the kids and just has to tell me about _______ that he did with R****** and how she’s basically so much better than me. I say “Great, then why don’t you go talk to R****** about that and leave me alone?”
But I’m not gonna lie, a couple times I just got tired of hearing it, took the bait and got into a pissing match with him about how my FI is better than his wife. I’m not proud of it, but it has happened a couple times. I think it truly bothers him to think that I’m happy without him cause he really starts coming up with some whoppers thinking that he’s going to make me regret leaving him. He was seriously abusive and I will never, ever regret leaving him.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s normal to have these feelings as long as they’re not affecting your real life. He’s a jerk for PMing you about it. Take it as a reminder of why you two broke up and why you’re glad not to have a “child” as your SO.
Post # 15
@MissRuthie: Oh God, that’s rough. I remember the day that my ex got married, and even though I was already married it hit me like a ton of bricks. Seriously, just block the dude on FB. You do NOT need to hear any more lovely announcements from him.
Post # 16
I would have messaged him: cool story bro. What a douche canoe.