(Closed) So, my MOH quit 15 days before I'm getting married…and I'm OK!?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

At any point in all of this – had you talked to her ALONE and asked her if everything was okay?

Doesn’t sound like it.  She could be in a tight spot financially and not want to talk to strangers (your FSIL, etc) about it.

But, meh, whats done is done.  I think losing a friend over two completely OPTIONAL parties is pretty sad.

Post # 4
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I am soooo sorry. If my maid of honor decided to act like this she would have been fired a LOOOONG time ago. but I do agree with the above statement of talking to her. If she’s your maid of honor then she’s gotta be pretty close to you. I think talking to her calmly would probably resolve a lot more than screaming and yelling.

Post # 5
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds to me like you’re placing a value on the amount of money she’s spent more than anything else.  I understand YOU spent money on HER events, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she can and has to spend the money in return.  70% of your problems with her revolved around her not CHIPPING in.  I get that she was trying to book things to make them convenient for her, but I think that the conversation you had with her was too little too late.  I think you’re not upset about it because you’re still angry.  But, I think it’s ridiculous – if you chose her once to be her MOH, there must have been a reason why.  Personally, I would have told her that you think she cannot afford the financial responsibility of being a MOH and that she cannot handle planning your events and her own wedding, so that it would be best if she was a bridesmaid and made your FSIL your MOH.  It’s clear that she feels like she’s done something to help you out and I know there’s always 2 sides to every story and this is one of those times where I would really like to know what her side is. 

Post # 6
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Firing her implies that you thought of her as an employee  =o(  I find it really sad when people think of their bridal party that way.  My girls bought their dresses and all I expect is them to show up the day of (mainly because they’ve already RSVP’d yes!)  

ETA:  this is a good thread to check out that describes the “duties” of bridesmaids/MOH:  http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/they%E2%80%99re-bridesmaids-not-slaves-verrrrry-long

Post # 7
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you are just right, ive had a best man problem, have done a post myself, but the problem is sorted now… its just a major inconvenience!

I think she’s maybe just a busy person in general and prob doesnt feel that u understand that, but i dont think she should have commited to being MOH if she couldnt support u. I f it was her wedding and u were doing these things to her wud she have liked it.

@mandy pop.. losing a friend over parties is very sad, but also depends on the situation around it. After we lost 23yr friend over our situation, we later found out they have no care or support for us either, they made up lies about us to others they said That ‘I’ had said that my partner (their friend for 23 yrs) was gay. It ended up the friendship was better lost… but every situation differs.

I think maybe you should calm down and as Mandypop says speak to her alone. It sounds tho that you both may find it very hard to control emotions as it has got out of hand when you called her. 

Sorry ur in this situation and hope it all resolves itself, small things escalate very quickly with weddings but if its worth sorting out it will happen, otherwise, sometimes friends drift and you gotta let them drift!

goodluck.

Post # 8
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow, just Wow. Not at your MOH, at you, that is horrible behaviour. She’s planning her own wedding and may not be able to ‘pitch in’ for all your events, and you’re upset that she didn’t! You would rather your friend go into debt just so she can pitch into your events, it is not the MOH’s responsibility to throw you lavish parties, yes she is meant to help organize these parties, but people need to be understanding if she just genuinely can’t contribute financially. 

As for her being late to attend, WHO CARES, she rescheduled these meetings, and then when SIL took over she still attended them, late but seriously who the heck cares!  And on top of that you went off on her from hearsay! A real friend would ask about something before accepting it as fact and going off on someone for it, that is immature behaviour.

She has a WEDING to go to on the day of your bachelorette party, are you really so selfish to think she should skip this other friend’s wedding just to go drink with you before yours? it’s not your actual wedding, but apparently you MUST be more important and put above everyone else. 

the $144 dress, fine she doesn’t like it or can’t afford it, you need to ask her which it is before getting all pissy and immature about everything.

Post # 9
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I really don’t understand why people are suprised at what the OP did.

If the ex-MOH was having issues, she should has told the OP she did not think she could afford to be in her wedding anymore.

Fair is fair. She asked OP to be in HER wedding fully expecting her to step up knowing OP is a bride. Why can’t she do the same?

 

Post # 10
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

 I hate when weddings ruin friendships. 

Post # 11
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Since when did the bridal party become “employees”???? I sure hope you gave her a severance package! 😉 Kidding, but I REALLY hate it when people say they “fired” someone. So dumb.

Post # 12
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I love how everyone is so ” oh my god i would never” or ” I can’t believe you did that..”! We all know that deep down, if we were put in the same position with our MOH, we would have all acted the same way.

 

Post # 13
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I take these kinds of posts with a grain of salt.

It’s easy to feel victimized when you’re a bride. And I’m not saying that in a condescending or mean way at all, because I’ve been there. (Trust me. I’ve. Been. There.) It’s just that it’s pretty easy to get into the mindset that this is your special day, your wedding, and that people should try to be at least a bit more accommodating than usual to meet your once-in-a-lifetime needs.

The fact is, it sounds like there could be a lot more to your [ex] MOH’s story/situation than we know. For some reason – true or not – your MOH feels like she has gone out of her way to contribute to your pre-wedding activities and experiences. Perhaps her perception is clouded by her preoccupation with her own wedding planning, she’s stressed and unable to meet all these financial demands, or maybe her expectations are simply different than yours.

No matter the reason, you should probably ask yourself if this whole mess is worth ruining and ending your friendship so close to your wedding day. You asked her to be your MOH for a reason; surely your friendship can’t be that dispensable.

Personally, if I were you, I would try to have a heart-to-heart with your friend and put all negativity aside for the moment. At the very least, it would nice if you could mend things, be on the level with each other, and even attend each others’ weddings.

Post # 14
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@FutureMrsDavis10132012:  i know that weddings are stressful but not everyone feels that they are a priority over every day life. 

your moh has already contributed $100 plus her dress, probably shoes, hair, etc.  that is a lot to ask from anyone.  why do you expect that from her?  maybe she just simply cannot afford it. 

moh’s and bm’s are not employees and should not be expected to do anything but stand up for the bride on her special day.

showers, bachelorettes, etc are all bonuses and again should not be expected.

Post # 16
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Have you given your FSIL a huge HUG, a card, and a bottle of wine?  SHE ROCKS!!!! You’re so lucky that she stepped up, she must really love you!!

How’s it going to work now, I mean you’re supposed to be in her wedding?

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