Post # 1
and now she thinks that I won’t fit into my wedding dress. The dress hasn’t been altered yet because I found a sample sale dress and the shop said to wait until about a month before the wedding to go back for alterations. I’m extremely hurt, as I didn’t really know why she was being so horrible to me lately until my Dad let it slip today that my Mom was really concerned that the dress just won’t be able to be altered because of how fat I’d gotten. Granted, I have gained a few pounds since moving in with my fiance, but I’ve been really stressed with a new job, a new apartment and the wedding. I’ve been feeling a bit depressed about my weight, but after hearing that my mom is mad at me over this, I now feel 100 times worse. I came home from work and just started crying. My FI is trying to be supportive and tell me that I’m beautiful no matter what, but I can’t seem to focus on that. I had a hard time even eating dinner, and I have no desire to eat anytime soon. I know that is not the healthy outlook, so I’m gonna try to push it out of my mind. Anyway, I just needed to vent…if anyone has had to deal with this kind of thing I’d love to hear how you got through it.
Post # 3
I am so sorry ((hugs))! Does she struggle with weight? my mom has always been supportive so I don’t have much to offer other than I’m sorry…
Post # 4
i think a lot of girls have issues with their weight and how they look… and when it comes to getting married, mulitply those feelings times 100. we brides want EVERYTHING to be perfect and for everyone to be happy for us and not criticize anything… I totally understand how you feel about when your mom is critical about how you look.. my mom would ALWAYS do it to me… but you know, more than taking it as if she is out to get you and insult you… she is your mom and she does love you. i think she probably just wants what’s best for you and is "concerned" even if the way she says it isn’t always the nicest– hopefully you can see the love she has for your through her words. As far as weight issues and fitting into the dress– you have plently of time to get more toned/fit if you want to so don’t worry. i had major drama with my dress/seamstress– i took my dress to get it alterted at the bridal salon i got it from and the steamstress told me i should lose weight (2 weeks before the wedding) because she messed up on altering it… i was pissed and so ofended… but then i got over it because i realized that no matter what weight i am and even if i have to lose a few pounds, i have to be happy with who i am (and i found an awesome seamstress who knew what she was doing to fix the problem)… hopefully you will know and believe that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and that you will look AWESOME on your wedding day— you will be marrying the man of your dreams and that beauty and "glow" can’t come from losing a bunch of weight but it comes from within– being happy. 🙂
Post # 5
(((Hugs))) my sympathy goes to you for the way that you are being treated.
You know, it would be awesome for us all to be our ideal sizes and look "perfect". One thing I keep asking myself though is whether it is worth it. If you (general you) are at a healthy weight that doesn’t present health issues, then you should ask yourself what it would take to get to ideal, and whether it is worth it. For me, eh, my goal is to tone my arms and do little else. Dropping ten pounds might look even better, but I would rather excercise to stay healthy and not worry about it while I am stressing about so much else! Its not like I’m getting married in a bikini! Let the corset do the rest of the work.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2010 - Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery
I’m so sorry to hear that. My mom is the same way, if I put on even 5 lbs, she lets me know. It’s really hurtful. I would (if you haven’t already) tell her how it makes you feel. Tell her you are working on it and to be more understanding. Hopefully she’ll realize she is being hurtful and she will stop. When my mom used to point out weight gain to me in the past, I would get really upset and finally just told her how it makes me feel. She felt really bad, obviously she was doing it out of concern for what’s best for me, but people know when they’ve gained weight and they don’t need to be reminded! Plus, if you do want to lose weight before the wedding you’ve got plenty of time. Maybe just telling her that you’ve got it under control will shut her up. Hope this helps!!
Post # 8
Thanks for the support everyone! I feel better now that I’ve vented and I have a bit more perspective. I’m going to try to get a better workout routine going and just focus on being healthier. If I lose weight, great…if not…oh well I’ll at least be doing better than I am right now. Mom has suddenly forgotten all about it and is speaking to me again as if nothing negative occurred…hopefully it will stay that way!
Post # 9
Sending hugs! A friend of mine has a VERY critical mother. It’s awful to watch her come home after a weekend and be all bummed about her weight. My mom is one of those "tactful" mothers that can tell me I put on 10 pounds, she noticed it, and I need to be careful. My friend’s mother is not, saying things like, "do you really need that extra ice cream?" and stuff like that. Comparing her to her sister (who lost weight due to a medical issue) and how skinnier she is. ETC. It’s awful!
Try to look at it like your mom is trying to tell you something, but perhaps is doing it in the WORST way. We all love our moms but know they have some things we’d *like* to fix but cannot. I’m one of those people that want to know if i’m gaining weight. Most of the time I know it, but i’m in denial when i can barely button my pants. "i’m bloated!". Right…but some women (like my friend), know it and dont need it shoved in their face, and/or just don’t want to hear it. Sometimes life kicks in and you just can’t stay healthy 24/7. that’s totally impractical!
Work out because you know it’s right for you. Your dress can be altered, you’ll be fine. And tell your mom you’re taking care of it, but her put-downs regarding your weight are causing more problems and she should either be more motivating or keep her mouth shut. At least your mom is moving on. Maybe she knows she went about it the wrong way! And you do have a good attitude about it, which is good!
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
You know, I’m sure my mom would be the same way. And it’d hurt me, like it hurt you. But she IS trying to help – she’s probably just concerned for your health and wellbeing, and using the dress as an excuse. My mom once told me that she was aware of my weight, because she didn’t want me to have to endure the same struggles as she did when she was trying to lose a considerable amount of weight. It’s easier to make dietary changes and lose a few pounds, than it is to be a month out from your wedding and feel like you need to drop 20+.
That said, I’ve been getting progressively chubbier since I got engaged too. Just a few pounds here and there, but it is due to stress-eating I suppose. My mom hasn’t seen me, but if she did I bet she’d let me know I need to lay off the cupcakes .