So my mother dropped this bomb…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BurlapnLace:  I think Moms are just designed to think no one will be good enough for their daughters.  They want someone perfect but that doesn’t exist.  I wouldn’t take her too seriously.

Post # 5
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@BurlapnLace:  I have to disagree with PPs – my parents both love my FI, and think he’s pretty damn perfect for me. He treats me well and makes me happy, what more could I ask for? Unless your mom has serious doubts about the relationship, she should not have said that to you.

Post # 6
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@sugar_biscuit:  +1

 

i’ve never heard this until after the relationship was over, but I know how frustrating it is to be blindsided with this kind of information. Odds are, she just feels like she’s losing her daughter in some ways. If you are concerned about it you can ask her why she feels that way, but ultimately its your life, and you want your life with your FI and thats perfectly fine 🙂

Post # 7
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it’s not uncommon for any parent to feel this way. Hell, I feel like that about my cousin who’s like my little brother. No one will ever be “good enough” for him in my eyes.

Post # 9
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@BurlapnLace:  I went through something similar. My Dad had a real hate-on for my DH after he called off our engagement in ’10 (5 months after he proposed). Dad couldn’t understand why it happened, because DH and I had been together 9+ years, had a 5-year-old daughter, were house hunting, etc.. Looking back, I can totally get where he was coming from, because I was heartbroken, myself, and held a lot of resentment against DH for how quickly/out-of-the-blue everything happened. ANYWAY, even though DD and I moved out, DH and I started fresh and really hashed out a lot of our problems (his emotional cheating, him worried about finances as I was a SAHM, etc.), and eventually got re-engaged a year later. For quite a while my Dad was unsure of everything, but I think a huge turning point was when DH bought a house for us when we moved back in together. We had been living in a really crappy apartment (dark, dirty no matter how much I cleaned) for years, and him doing that showed his commitment, I guess. He worked hard to provide for us. By the time the wedding came around in ’12, during our father/daughter dance, all my dad could talk about was how great DH was–he’s the hardest-working man he knows, he’s such a good provider, he’s got a great family that has passed down their work ethic, etc..

Post # 10
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wonder if she actually has issue with your FI, or if she’s just having difficulty adjusting to your life change.

 

Post # 11
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

@brighteyedgirl:  hahah “had a hate-on.” Stealing that for future use. 

 

Post # 12
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh Moms.  Sometimes I think they don’t think about the power their words can have.  I think her comment means that no one will ever be good enough for you, but it could also be that she’s having a tough time with the changes.

Post # 13
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BurlapnLace:  yeah, lots of moms feel like no one will ever be good enough for their baby girl (or boy). I’ve seen extremes of this, where the moms actively drove away their children’s significant others over and over again. Growing up, there was a very beautiful lady in my building whose mother threw an ugly fit and even faked illness every time she attempted to date. The result – she never married, her mother passed away when the lady was 40, and she was left alone. We moved away at that point but I really hope she found someone to love… she was lovely inside and out.   

Post # 15
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

im sorry she said that, but hey, look at the bright side! At least it wasnt the other way around (her saying you werent good enough for him)! Moms can be a bit tactless at times

Post # 16
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yes, my mom said the same about my FI. Of course, like PP said, a mother wants the ABSOLUTE perfection in their daughters SO… Even my mom, who is very good with words sometimes slips out a ‘too much motherly advice/thoughts’. 😉 I don’t take it to heart, though! 

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