So my mum just took away my wedding date [VENT – LONG]

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I know you always come up with great comebacks after the moment has passed, but you should have told her that it’s great she’ll have some happy memories to associate with the date now. Don’t let her negativity and self centeredness change your plans.

Post # 4
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

seems like typical mom comments! (Well, the FB part) my mom would say the same thing. She’s the one that did the newspaper announcement for us, because, well yes, your mom is right – no one reads those anymore anyways!

As for the date comment, I’m sorry it wasn’t the reaction you were hoping for. It sounds like your mom will soldier on and be fine with the date. I can see how that date in particular has some negative memories for her, but that shouldn’t affect your wedding. Just let her have her feelings and concentrate on making your own happy memories. And who knows! Maybe now the sadness about that date will be replaced by happiness because of your wedding day!

Post # 6
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Thrburko89:  Sorry, but July 3 can’t be an official day of mourning forever. You should stick with July 3 if that’s the only date that works, and your mother can just suck it up. (Unless she’s paying, which it doesn’t sound like).

He only left her 2.5 years ago. By the time of your wedding, it will be 4 years so I think it’ll be less of a big deal by then.

Post # 8
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I don’t understand how she took away your wedding day. Her reaction to that date was pretty natural, then she realized she shouldn’t have said anything, but you and her partner kept asking. What was she supposed to do? 

Just keep the wedding date. Or change it, if you prefer, but that is your decision, not hers, so she can’t be blamed for it.

As far as the announcement goes- you said they are not as well off financially as you are. Maybe they didn’t have money to put it in the paper. I don’t think many people still do that anyway, the world won’t end if you don’t have one.

You’ll have bigger things to worry about than this kind of stuff. Don’t make mountains out of molehills.

Post # 9
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Thrburko89:  Moms are really great at guilt tripping aren’t they? FI’s mom is a master class. The only time we ever fight is when she starts to guilt tripping him and gets him so riled up that he lashes out at me. I’ve got her number now though and I don’t let it escalte into a real fight anymore. I don’t let my mom do it to me much anymore either, in fact the last time I blantantly called her out on it. I straight up told her to stop trying to guilt trip me, didn’t stop her in that particular convo but I don’t think she’s tried to do it since (to my face at least, behind my back to my FI is a whole other story Undecided at least he acts it out for me in a ridiculous manner so we can laugh together).

Don’t let the guilt stick, it’s manufactured by an outside source and isn’t a genuine you-generated emotion. You should be happy for your wedding not worrying that it’s coincidentally the same date that really sucked for your mom a few years ago.

Post # 10
Member
1216 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

So did she actually say you couldn’t get married that day, or did you mean she ruined it for you when she told you about her and your dad? I say don’t let it bother you and stick with your plan. My family is like this too, it’s just one of these things we have to deal with in life I guess. It would be nice if everyone was supportive and on board though, huh?

Post # 12
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Thrburko89:  #1 it is not tacky for the bride and groom to do it. If you want an announcment then anounce. Dont feel bad. And ya probably not too many people would see it but you get to keep the article for your scrap book. To heck with what other people think.

#2 your mom seems like a real attention seeker…. and I hate it when people bash on their ex’s. I mean I dont really have a lot of nice things to say about my ex boyfriend but I combat that by never talking about him. 

IMHO you should NEVER speak poorly about someones parent to their kids be it an ex husband or ex wife. 

I dont think you should change your date at all. Its her problem not yours. 

Post # 13
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Don’t change your date. If you feel like being nice to her, tell your mum that now you’re “scrubbing the date clean” by giving her some happy memories to put with it instead!

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