There was drama with her deciding on when to do this, and she invited her wedding party and my parents.....(there is a post below-"Erg, my sister is so inconsiderate" that explains this)
So i sucked it up and went today....even after 5 day and time changes in two days....
I get there and am informed that the caterer brought the wrong side dish...I get my "really?" look on my face and said "well that's weird, it's not the best way to keep customers happy"...her MOH says it "It could be worse" to which I reply "Well it's a point of customer service, and as a job coach I guess I'm just pickier than some people"....
So then one of the groomsmen shows up with his fiance and the MOH takes her out into the hallway and was whispering to her....they finally come into the living/dining room...
My sis's fiance finally comes in with MOH's husband and even though I know him and have hung out with him in a social way he seemingly deliberately ignores me and walks into the living room part of the room (I was at the dining room part with my parents)
So then my sister starts dishing out the food....we start with the caesar salad, which was quite good....then she plated up the hot meal....roast beef (well done), roasted potatoes, chicken cordon bleu, and cooked vegetables....she tried to organize the plate to look nice, and I suggest a more 'stacking" look (I worked in food service and at a fine dining restaurant before)...her MOH runs over saying "I was a sous chef in catering companies so I will show you"....erm, whatever (I don't think she was ever an actual sous chef as there are many qualifications you need for this position...I know this because i worked in the food industry for many years).....I kept my mouth shut
of course, during all this, the MOH, her husband, groomsman, and his fiancee were whispering basically right behind our backs...and I could hear "her", "she", "family", "mother"....so I kind of got the clue that they were whispering about us, literally behind our backs!!!!!
We started tasting the food...my dad said the beef tasted funny....so I tasted it, and it indeed tasted funny....like it was an aftertaste but still while you were eating it....the potatoes were super salty and soggy, the vegetables were obviously frozen (to which everyone but me and my parents swore they were "fresh"...um, green and yellow beans are not in season and difficult to get right now)....MOH's husband was quite rude about the meat tasting funny...he said it was the gravy and it was peppercorns that we were tasting , he said it in such a condescending way....it was not peppercorns...I love peppercorns and often cook with many different types....
My dad then suggested that since their wedding is a celtic theme that they should have a more "celtic" menu...like colcannon, haggis, bangers and mash, etc.....the peanut gallery in the living room starting laughing and saying 'oh yeah, an irish caterer, I've never heard of that.." MOH said "Oh well we can start one....I'll be the chef"....
I was ready to start crying....these people were being so RUDE, INCONSIDERATE, and MEAN....
I just DON'T know why she bothered inviting me and my parents if we were going to be treated so shabbily....and I have no idea why these people are rude to us at all.....
I'm very glad that my FI could not make it....he would've said something.....I kept my mouth shut, didn't comment on the food (besides agreeing with my dad about the weird tasting meat)....I just told my sister to order what she wants and whtaever people don't like they don't have to eat (I won't be eating at her wedding i guess...and YES it was that gross...the soggy chicken was nasty...the potatoes were WAY too salty....and the gross vegetables that are NOT fresh--I hate false advertising...
I really don't know how I'm going to deal with these rude ignorant people for the next 18 months until her wedding....and they want to start planning the stag and doe....
If my wedding party EVER treated my family that way they would get it both barrels...but my wedding party will not do that....they are adults....
Oh, best part is the MOH is 37 (my fiances age) and her husband is over 40.....so mature
I don't mean to stir the pot, as you're obviously very upset, but you sound very... condescending? the way you're talking, and I'm wondering if this is coming across in real life. You criticize other peoples' abilities to discern food and seem like you're suggesting a lot of ways to do things-- I could see where your sister might be frustrated with all your suggestions?
If this isn't case-- hell, regardless if it is-- they shouldn't be whispering and being rude. I'd take a step back and avoid them. Is this sister the daughter of the parents you were with? I think they could talk to her?
OP: Don't take this the wrong way, but your post sounds very judgy and condescending. How is your relationship with these people normally? Is it possible that your tone is also judgy and condescending and that's why they don't like you?
Also about the tasting, there is a time to give suggestions and a time to praise your sister's choice. It sounds like she really invited you to compliment the food, not change her menu
You come across as a snot. The caterer made a mistake and you had to be rude about it. You had a bad attitude from the start. You weren't welcoming to these people, actually quite snobbish. Sure they weren't nice to you, but you weren't helping the situation.
It sounds to me like you got back the type of attitude you put out.
I agree that it sounds very condescending. Sounds like you are your parents were being incredibly picky/controlling - I mean really, you're telling them how to stack the plates, that their wedding food should be a totally different theme than they planned, picking apart every little mistake...I would of been irritated and griping behind your back too (which, I'd like to point out, is the same thing you're doing to her here, so not sure how you can be mad about that one).
To be honest I thought your prior post sounded kinda judgey/harsh towards your sister, but was giving you the benefit of the doubt. But this one sounds even worse...I think you guys seriously need to cut your sister some slack and let her enjoy her wedding planning without criticizing her and her vendors' every move.
Even the post title is snobby...why does the word tasting need to go in quotation marks? Sounds like a proper tasting to me.
I agree with PP's that your attitude is really grating. Seriously, who cares about her friends or what the food tasted like. Its your sisters wedding, let her deal with it.
I did not say a WORD about anything except the issue taht they did not get what they wanted, and that the meat tasted funny....
I was upset because they were whispering behind my back, and I said NOTHING about anything during the tasting and kept my responses quite neutral.....
I really tried to be nice to people.....I even offered that I could get another appointment at david's bridal around my appt so we could look for her undergarments for her dress that day (my sister doesn't drive...) so then she can start having her MOH do the alterations on her dress for her.....my sister was stressing about this and seemed happy that I offered to do this.....
My sister invited my parents to the tasting then said "BTW you will have to put the deposit down for the caterer"....they don't have the money for this, and i don't know why she thought they did at thsi time.....AND they are paying for a third of the wedding....but it's not for 18 months....my sister and her FI currently have no money saved up for the wedding and actually owe my dad's mechanic over $600 for work that was done almost a year ago....none of my business but it is causing tension with EVERYTHING right now....
I recently stopped driving my sister anywhere she wanted and paying for stuff for her and have yet to be asked to go out or see her since then.....and her MOH asked to borrow money from me to go out....
she also wanted me to bring my laptop to skype with her FI's parents and after I set it up at her house she told me that they weren't available (after watching me set it up and giving me a password to do so).....
Maybe i did have an attitude walking in, but between feeling like I'm in the wedding party because" I have money"--I don't, and that I thought that her MOH woiuld ask about putting money down for stuff for the stag and doe (which i don't have money for)....and that my sister would no longer reply to my messages regarding this tasting because "she was tired of looking at the computer"....I felt like I was heading into a firing squad as it was.....
So maybe, yeah, I had a chip on my shoulder.....but, even if I didn't....knowing these people (and I do, I hung out with them and used to consider them friends until I realized I was being used by them) they would have behaved that way anyways....unfortunately....
@KristenGotMarried: So i guess the answer to your question is NO, i don't like these people.....I don't like being used...I don't like that i did so much for them and didn't even get a thank you for it.....
Unfortunately they are my sister's friends....so I TRY to suck it up....but sometimes it's tough....and I likely should have declined going to the tasting, but I did not want to stoop to my sister's level....since she calls and says she's sick whenever we're doing something for my wedding....
@msfahrenheit: They liked me just fine when I paid for stuff....and drove them around...and took them to concerts....once that stopped, the liking did too....
Is this for real??? I think you take life way too seriously. Lighten up! Planning for your sister's and your wedding is exciting. I don't see why you can only see the negative in something like this. Perhaps you bring a negative vibe to where you go and people pick up on it. You may not know it but perhaps you are saying things that rub people the wrong way which causes them to react in a not so positive way. You reap what you sew, and it looks like you need to see the happier side of situations and not think everyone is "talking" about you.
I really don't mean to sound rude or mean, but I see that I can get into a negative state of mind when I could make the situation easier by taking a more positive approach and maybe this is something you do too?
I have to agree, before I even read any of the other comments, I thought you sounded quite rude and condescending with just an all around paranoid and bad attitude. I'm sorry you feel they were rude to your family. But maybe they just aren't fans of you either because of the vibes you put out to them. You have obviously all known each other for a while, so I suppose you all just don't get along. Good thing is, it's not your wedding. Keep quiet and don't be snotty and when it's over you don't have to deal with them anymore.
Everyone above has pretty much summed up how I felt while reading your post. It actually made me feel awkward. We all know wedding planning is stressful, and we need our friends/family to be supportive. Perhaps your inital comment just set the tone for the evening (thus, people were thrown off by your attitude, and the whispering started). If not, perhaps you come across as though you think you're better than others, even when you keep your mouth shut (even though you may not realize it). If I was the MOH, I likely would have felt uncomfortable, too. But, you really can't change anything about the evening now, so the only thing you can do is suck it up, try harder and be supportive. Just my opinion.
I read both post and it seems like your previous encounters with your sister are making everything get under your skin with this wedding. I understand when you and siblings have issues your can have a negative views on things. But, it sounds like you set the negative tone for the tasting. You were already upset about the changes and came in with an attitude. It also sounds like you have some harsh feelings towards the MOH maybe because your sister chosen her. I only say this because in the previous thread you put there was no MOH your sister said everyone was equal. So, in my opinion to make these better for the rest of the planning and wedding day try to look at the bright side. This is a happy time for your sister, be happy for her it will mean a lot to her to know you are in her corner.
@DestinBride85: I'm using MOH because that's basically what her role has ended up being...not sure if she has been given that role specifically...but she knwos way more about the wedding than I do...
I'm not upset that I'm not MOH, it's definitely for the best....My sister is not a loyal person to me, so I can't imagine her wanting to ask me.....she spends every day with her MOH so it makes sense that she gets that role...I see her maybe once a month....if that....and if I do have plans with her she cancels because she is sick
@smcs28: And again, you are attacking her. Your complaints may be valid, but what would it hurt to be the bigger person and put your issues with her aside as the two of you plan your weddngs?
@Wonderstruck: I disagree, stating facts is not attacking her....I can't help if that's what she does....
@smcs28: Thanks for clearing that up it just seems like it was hostility towards the MOH. Like, I said just try to wipe the negativity and past situations when dealing with your sister and planning. Yes, you sister can be out of line expecting parents to just drop funding and etc. But, this is one of the most important times of her life try to make happy memories for her.
@Wonderstruck: and I AM trying to put issues aside....unfortunately her put downs are constant, and her friends' behaviours are consistent....so it's hard to KEEP putting things aside....
maybe i should really consider stepping down as a BM for my mental health sake...dealing with all this plus a stressful job I think I may snap (more than what i have already this week)
@DestinBride85: NP....I have no hostility towards her as an MOH...it's the fact that in the past she used me as the 'bank of smcs28'.....and didn't pay me back....then asked for more withdrawals ;)
maybe i should really consider stepping down as a BM for my mental health sake...dealing with all this plus a stressful job I think I may snap (more than what i have already this week)
I think that would probably be the best solution.
i'm sorry but you sound very mean spirited, negative, petty, and unsupportative. the only positive thing you said was, "the caesar salad, which was quite good..."
@smcs28: One thing I learned with family when you lend money don't ever expectt it back. Then you will keep your sanity. My sister still owes me money. But, I'm her baby sister I know if she came to me for money she must really needed it. So no I don't expect her to pay me back it was a gift.
@MrsElopement: agreed. That will probably work out best for both of you
@profiterole: I don't know...the MOH messaged me and thanked me for taking control of my mother (over another issue today) so that there was no issues....she seemed rather appreciative....so i really don't know what to think....the fact that I was severely uncomfortable but apparently did something "good" to help out.....I'm very confused and saddened about how I'm feeling....
i tried to read this 3 times and im still lost on why you wanted to cry over food and bitching - way too much energy and attitude being wasted on not much
@eloping: I honestly couldn't give a flying beep about her food...it's behaviour...poor, mean, cruel behaviour.....which is constant from her...I say NO to her once and i'm the bad guy...that's the major issue...an dit just came to a head with this
I would sit down with your sister and calmly express your feelings. If you can't do it calmly, write out a letter and edit it until the emotions and anger are out of it, or you aren't going to have a productive conversation.
what's the real issue here? i think something else is bothering you but you can't verbalize it so you're getting upset about things that normal people should not get upset about. and i think your sister and the bridal party are aware of your volatility and they are tiptoeing around you. maybe the moh thanking you is her way of taking the high road to calm you down. you remind me of someone else i know. she is a delightful person but she iss not emotionally stable and would react to strange triggers. people usually avoided her because they didn't know what kind of reaction they would get.
@bookworm88: Thanks bookworm....unfortunately I did this already once with her....when she called screaming at me about my bridesmaids dresses (she's my BM as well)....I was calm, cool, collected and was very fact specific about her issues.....that is USUALLY how i am....so this whole emotional, crying, stupid self issue is driving me nuts...and it hurts me to think that she is the one causing it....
i think maybe a "break" is in order. Take a break, just let it be. Even if it's just for tonight. It just seems that Bees are trying to offer suggestions, and you respond immediately with a "BUT my sister did this" or "That won't work because" I'm sorry your relationship with your sister isn't where you want it to be right now. But, if you continue with all the negativity, it's not going to improve. I really hope things get better.
@profiterole: well I"m not emotionally unstable...but thanks for implying that......there are OTHER issues which i have posted in "emotional"....there are many issues that I can't even START to explain....and it has to do with my sister....and her MOH..btw, MOH never takes the high road....I've known her for years and she will take you on if she feels you have wronged her or a friend...
I am usually a calm, collected, level headed person...I have to be because of my job.....everyone I know who has seen me this week is severely concerned because crying at the drop of a hat is VERY abnormal for me...(I NEVER cry).....I think my sister has just finally hurt me enough that the hurt is not going away.....and I don't think I can forgive her this time....
I don't get hurt, I don't cry, I could care less what others think as long as i KNOW i am living my life well and helping others throughout my path....that's what I do....I usually put myself last...
I started trying to put myself first a bit more, and that's when more issues began with her.....
I wish I could videotape my sister's behaviour and then people might understand more.....
@smcs28: I agree with a PP who said to take a break. It sounds like this isn't the "normal you" and maybe something's up-- you're getting sick, hormones, stress, who knows! I have my weird days. Try to push it out of your mind and let some of it go-- at least so you aren't so upset and can get some rest.
I just want to add...the ONLY ONE who can control how your sister's behavior impacts your life is you.
Don't you just love First World Problems? I can just hear the starving African orphans laughing their assess off at us, thinking these kinds of things are ACTUALLY IMPORTANT.
Man oh man.
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