Post # 1
I’m just curious how you feel about going to a wedding without your SO. My friend is having a very small destination wedding, and they haven’t invited any of their friends SOs. I know they want a very intimate wedding so I wasn’t surprised when he wasn’t invited, however now I’m not able to split accomodation costs with him, and I’m a little put-off that I basically have to spend the entire week without him (the wedding is mid-week). I also don’t know anyone else that is going very well.
This week is going to cost me around $1500 and I just can’t seem to justify it… but I also can’t imagine missing my best friends most important day!
What would you do?
Post # 3
This is your BEST friend? How long have you been with SO? If you guys have been together for a few years, then I would maybe bring up the issue that you won’t be able to go alone financially. She’ll get the hint. If she’s your best friend, that is.
If she’s just a friend, then I would politely decline.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t go. If you really like them, send a nice gift and and let them know you’re looking forward to taking them out for dinner to celebrate when they return. They had to know that some people would decline for that reason, you don’t have to make a big deal out of it.
Post # 5
@casmas: Not go….who wants to take a vacation without the person you love? Which is pretty much what a destination wedding is, only you’re letting someone else pick where you go, you might as well be able to pick who you go there with.
Post # 6
@casmas: I would not go. We likely would not do a DW as a couple unless it was close family/friends since we plan our own vacations well in advance and have specific places we go, so wouldn’t want a wedding to take away from our trips. With that said, I definitely wouldn’t go alone. I don’t travel by myself. I don’t fly well… etc. No no no.
Post # 7
If they were that important to me I would go but I would also ask my husband to go for the vacation part of it. I’d do the wedding by myself but we’d enjoy the rest of the time together. Otherwise I’d skip it if I really didn’t care overly much.
Post # 8
Hmm. Maybe I’m going about this wrong, but here’s what I’d do – from the $ amount you gave, I’m guessing you’re already paying for your airfare and hotel room, the only thing that would be covered would be perhaps the rehearsal dinner and reception itself. If you’re already going for a week, I’d bring my fiance, and just have him fend for himself on the hosted dinner nights. He’s a big boy, I’m sure he could scrounge up dinner a couple of times. Obviously, if he’s not invited to the ceremony, I wouldn’t bring him to that part. But no one ever said anything about the rest of the week.
Post # 9
Hmmmm. This is a toughy. I know someone else who did this, and had 4 of her friends there & that was it.
Is it possible for him to come with, but only you attend the wedding?
Post # 10
I agree with @mrsPinkpeony .
Post # 11
@casmas: I wouldn’t go. If the destination is more important to the couple than who can attend, then I wouldn’t feel bad about not going. I think it takes rather a lot of nerve/entitlement to expect your friends and relatives to use their vacation time and budget on YOUR wedding at the destination THEY choose.
If the couple has essentially said, “hey, we’re having our wedding here, would love for you to be ther but understand if you can’t” then all’s good. They just don’t have any business being put out if you choose not to use your time/money that way.
Post # 12
My “best friend” would know I’m not going with out my fi. I probably wouldn’t go.
Post # 13
@PacificMrs: Yup, best friend… have been for almost 10 years. And I’ve been with my SO for 3 years, living together for 2.
@MariContrary: I was planning on doing this, but when I suggested it to my SO, he said he wouldn’t feel comfortable ‘crashing’ the trip.
Post # 14
@casmas: So then talk to her! She should definitely invite your SO of multiple years. Otherwise, go for just the vacation part (both of you) then you go to the wedding yourself. But if she’s been your best friend for 10 years, I think you’re entitled to talk to her about an otherwise sensitive subject.
Post # 15
@casmas: If you’re living together then your friend was out of line not inviting your SO that you live with. Its rude. You are well within your rights to take a pass.
Post # 16
If it were my best friend and I could afford it, I would go with or without SO. $1500 is a lot of money and the BFF should understand if you can’t swing it. I know it is a bummer to go without SO but sometimes you do what you gotta do when it comes to BFFs. But, again, if you can’t afford it, there’s no shame in declining.