Ok, as I said, as women we have to understand that men fantasy about sex & other women a lot.
It just is in their nature.
I know that when we watch porn that no doubt Mr TTR is thinking “that looks hot”
And I the same…
Now whether he’s thinking the acts being performed (which is what I find makes Porn hot for me) or the woman… I don’t care. I don’t ask. And as far as I am concerned it is just a movie, so it isn’t like ANY of these women are in our real life *
I do recognize tho that every couple has their own tolerances to porn (boundaries) so it is something you have to work out.
Example, there are plenty of religious Bees here who’s relationships don’t have any porn in them, as their boundaries revolve around the fact that if a man is fantasizing about porn / sex with another then that is disrepectful / a sin (as in pure in thought word & deed)
And that is ok for them… whatever floats their boat, I’m not one to judge
BUT in my life, and our relationship, Mr TTR and I are ok with porn / nudity, as long as there is no real life interaction
So as I said “Strippers” (whatever a man’s definition) are out. Live Porn Chat is out.
*And if he was the type of guy to be a Film Porn Groupie, going to a Porn Convention to meet the Actresses would be out as well.
Now is a guy going to fantasize other places that you have no control over… YES
His eyes will follow that curvacious woman as she walks down the street… fact of life.
The important thing you have to work out in your relationship is how you plan to deal with it.
In my first Marriage, when I was much younger, I might speak up and give my then Hubby an earful.
This time round… lol, and I will often make a joke, as I am both Older & Wiser
“Haha, Honey as if… “
And he’ll smirk at being caught… or say something equally fun “hey a man’s gottta dream”… or “I may be old, but not dead yet”
But I also know from convos with Men (many men) that because they fantasize a lot (read ALL THE TIME) you gotta realize that that includes most women that are in their line of focus.
So ya, the women at work, the girl at the Coffee Bar, even GFs and Wives of “the guys” or other couples we socialize with
What men (including Mr TTR) have told me tho, is that sexual fantasizing is less a distraction for them when they are busy thinking of something else (ie work)
So we make it a point to be respectful of each other and our relationship, and not be in a situation where things could go in that direction.
I DON’T socialize one-on-one with other men, and he doesn’t with other women
And we never talk about other couples (men or the women) in a sexual context to one another…
Ie… Gosh Bob’s New GF is Good Looking etc.
We just don’t do it. I don’t want to know if he’s thought about her in that way… as again it is a REAL LIFE person.
And I do know, that if EITHER of us, being ONLY HUMAN find ourselves interested / crushing on someone else inappropriately, that we’ll change up the scenario to take ourselves out of that mix…
Example, When I was married the first time… and during my first Pregnancy (ya wacky hormones) and very young… I found myself crushing on my GFs Hubby. I identified the issue, and we socialized a lot less until “those feelings” passed for me. Now I was smart enough to know THIS WAS MY PROBLEM… so I didn’t share it with anyone (and certainly not the object of my crush, his wife, or my Hubby). My Marriage was very important to me, so I just handled it. And ya, within a short period of time, I was refocussed on what I needed to be on… my Hubby & NEW Baby being a family. Problem solved.
The reality is… just because one gets married, the world doesn’t stop.
And BOTH partners have to have a PERSONAL STRATEGY as well as a COUPLES STRATEGY (negotiated boundaries) so as to make things work long term, if there is any hope of the Marriage being successful.
Hope this helps,