Post # 1
Because he doesn’t know if I’m ‘the one’.
Up until this point he has expressed how excited he is for us to get married. We were planning to wait until June next year to get engaged as this is when he will graduate and then marry the year after when he has settled into the job. I’m 21 and he is 23.
He says he is scared of the future, scared of getting married. He says his feelings have only changed in the last few weeks. He’s using the ‘it’s not you it’s me’.
He said I haven’t done anything wrong, I haven’t changed, but I find it hard to believe that he can just break it off after such a long time of being excited for our future.
It almost seems as though he is more distraught about this than me. He was in tears when he revealed this all to me and says he loves me so much, and doesn’t want to hurt me in this way but he is confused.
Can anyone shed any light on this, on what to do? I am a complete wreck and have no idea where to go from here. Do I wait for him? How long?
Post # 3
I do not hate him, I’m not angry at him. He is the love of my life. How do I get over someone who is so perfect?
Post # 4
@AussieSummer: Oh wow. Ouch. I’m sorry sweetie :/
It sounds like he’s pretty upset and that even he doesn’t understand his feelings. I would give him some time and space. In the meantime take good care of yourself, hang out with people who you trust and can support you emotionally, maybe take a long weekend with some friends to clear your head.
Good luck and HUGS to you !!!
Post # 5
@AussieSummer: No one is perfect. That’s fact #1.
Secondly, I hear you, but do not wait for anyone or anything. Seize the day. I’m being serious. What you are going through will hurt. Let it ride. Then move forward. We.Have.All.Been.There.
Unbenownst to you, he will be watching, so to speak, to see if you are stronger than he is. So be that strength. Be it for Y.O.U. If he values you, he will see it soon enough.
/eta, I, on the flash, saw this thread title-post as I was quick logging on for a hot second. I don’t believe in accidents. So, felt compelled to put in my heartfelt wishes to you.
Post # 6
@AussieSummer: I’m so sorry sweetie that this is happening to you. But please take my advice… do not wait for him.
It will only make your pain worse. Please TRY, try, try to move on with your life and find happiness within friends and family. Eventually you can meet new people. Not to seriously be or settle with, but just to be around. Life will change and it will be new, but a good kind of new.
And perhaps, just perhaps, this was a fluke. In that case, you will be there healthy, emotionally stable, and ready to have an adult conversation about the treatment of the people you love.
Again, do not wait for him
Post # 7
That sucks! But you know that there’s no magic cure for heartbreak. It just takes time. And maybe some sangria with friends. It can be really hard when you find out that the vision you created for the future, isn’t going to happen. But eventually you’ll be able to get over it enough to picture a new future. It totally sucks. And most of us have been there at one time or another. But it will get better.
Post # 8
@AussieSummer: Oh sweetie. I am so so sorry that you’re going through this. My SO and I went through something very similar a few months ago. We took a break for a little over 2 weeks, and even my SO didn’t know until literally the morning of the end of our break that he might’ve made a huge mistake ending our relationship. (ETA you can go through my profile and read the thread I posted about it if that will help you)
Right now, you’re in the sad sad super sad phase. I was there too. Crying all the time out of no where, crying myself to sleep, not eating, not being able to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. What helped me I think (during the break and then later on in our now – stronger than ever – relationship) is that I got angry.
Like doesn’t he know how lucky he is? I’m freaking AWESOME and any guy would be lucky to have me feel the way that I feel about my SO. You have to remember that YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON and a GREAT GIRLFRIEND and you will find someone who appreciates that. Whether its your SO or someone else. Don’t sell yourself short, you deserve the best life has to offer.
Post # 9
I am so sorry that you’re going through this, and it’s definitely hard. I agree with PPs who say don’t wait around. You both have grown so much, I’m sure, in the 5 years you guys have been together (I know I did from 16-21), and all you’ve known was him. It’s easy to imagine that he’s your whole world. He’s not. You need to be strong and be happy, and if it’s meant to be, you guys will find each other again. If not, then you will have found a new strength that you wouldn’t have otherwise.
Post # 10
@AussieSummer: I know about how you feel… I was with my first boyfriend for 5 years, and when we broke up, I was DEVASTATED. I had no idea what to do–he was such a HUGE part of my life! We’d named our future child!
But I went on, enjoyed college, discovered my love of running and physical fitness, and met my DH! Take some time to hang out with your girls and to try some fun new things.
Post # 11
@AussieSummer: It seems like he is confused. My fiancé and I once broke up, we just needed space to figure things out. If he was so upset then maybe giving him some time will help. If you guys have been talking about getting engaged, he might just be scared of such a big commitment. You both are so young. I know it’s hard, but you never know how things can turn out. maybe you will get back together, maybe you wont. My best advice is this – give yourself some time to be upset, and then try to move on. Don’t hold onto the thought that you may get back together, in case you don’t. Go out with your friends and enjoy life. It won’t be easy, but it will get better, I promise. You never know what can happen! I really just think he is confused/overwhelmed.
I’m sorry. 🙁
Post # 12
@AussieSummer: I know it sucks, but if he’s telling you this I think it’s the truth. Any time I have used the “it’s not you, it’s me” it’s because I was trying not to hurt the other person because I cared for them, but I had already emotionally moved on from the relationship. The only thing you can console yourself with is that it’s better that he realized this now and not a year after your wedding. He may be a great guy, but a marriage with only one happy person in it will never be a happy marriage. As you gain a few years in life experience you will grow and change as a person, someday you will realize that he really wasn’t your “one”. Feel better. 🙂
Post # 13
I PMed you. You will get through this, I promise!
Post # 14
As someone who has broken up a relationship after 5-6 years, it’s not an easy decision to come to. We were talking about getting engaged, and I was ‘waiting’, but then I ended it all the same. Don’t wait for him, live life, and do try to move on. Time will heal it. You are still pretty young and after having had him in practically your whole adult life, it may seem harder to imagine it any other way. but I’m a believer that things happen for a reason.
Post # 15
@AussieSummer: Heartbreak sucks, but in the long run you will thank him for this. If you happen to get back together, the time apart will help you get some persepctive. Also, it will help you guys talk about things, air out stuff that sometimes doesnt get talked about and become closer.
If you dont get back together, you will be a much stronger person. I personally think it’s important for a woman to be on her own for a few years before hooking her star to someone. You will find out who you really are as an individual not as part of a couple.
The pain sucks but you will get through this. Do what you need to do to get through the most intense pain (I found cake and ice cream to work wonders LOL), but everything in moderation.
Post # 16
Give him his space, if he’s confused, he needs time. I’m sorry you are hurting. As a happy note: my son broke up with his girlfriend and it devastated her, 3 years ago. They were apart for a while, she didn’t hound him, let him have his space, he let her have her time to grow, kept in touch lightly….. 6 months later, they started dating again, and this past summer I got to welcome her as my daughter in law when they got home from eloping!! Take care.