Post # 1
Ive been with my SO for about four years now, im 22 and he is 24. Since he has been the only person that i have been with sexually and he had told me the same, I hadnt gotten a full exam for my gyno apointments, just the pap. This year it was required and it came back that i had chlamydia. I was shocked… when I confronted him he admitted to having a sex life with other girls before me, and not telling me because he didnt have any symptoms either. meaning that i have had chlamydia for THREE years with no symptoms..which isnt irregular. It is known to be a silent infection with only some showing signs. Now my doctors are telling me that my chances of having children are almost nil because my falopian tubes are likely severly damaged. He has been a great partner and our relationship is wonderful, besides me wanting to get engaged and him draging his feet lol. I want to move forward in the relationship but I am not sure that I can ever trust him again. He is a fantastic person and is very loving and kind, do I end a great relationship for a mistake he made before he knew me? Any advice would be appreciated, I am very hurt and devistated that this has happened.
Post # 3
@Koifish: This is a very difficult situation…I’m not sure what to tell you. As long as you know he wasn’t unfaithful, and that’s how you got chlamydia…Idk. Did you want children before you found out that you now will probably be unable to conceive naturally? His decision to lie about previous partners has seriously impacted your life with him and on your own. That’s a big deal to me.
ETA: HUGS! xx
Post # 4
@Koifish: For me, it would depend on previous conversations about his sexual past. Did he claiming to be a virgin before you slept together?
I’m so so sorry. That is a really scary thing to hear. Is there any chance of preserving some fertility? Hugs.
Post # 5
@Koifish: wow. I am so sorry. It isn’t just that he had sex before you but that he lied and continued to lie about that throughout your relationship, unknowingly putting your health at risk. What has he said now? At twenty he should have known better than to think everything was fine for you to have unprotected sex but certainly sometime in the past three years it should have dawned on him! It’s more that major lack of judgement and disregard for your health and well being that concerns me.
Post # 6
Obviously it’s up to you in the end, but I think I would 100% leave my SO if he did something like this to me. I wouldn’t know if I should trust his story or not. How do you know he didn’t cheat on you and then transfer it that way? It seems strange that he says he didn’t tell you about past sexual partners just because he didn’t have any symptoms of STDs. I’m not saying that couples need to share every detail of their sexual history with each other, but you should at least know if he wasn’t a virgin.
Post # 7
@Koifish: Unless you’ve had an ultrasound your Dr telling you that is jumping the gun- at best. As for your SO… I don’t think that’s something I could forgive. I’m so sorry 🙁
Post # 8
His mistake was lying to you about his past sex life, and that certainly didn’t happen before he knew you.
Seriously, he may not have known he had it either, but he chose to not tell you about his sex life. That is important information, specifically for this reason.
Marrying a man who would lie about something important as this may not be worth marrying.
Post # 9
First off (( HUGS ))
I am soooo sorry this has / is happening to you
My issue wouldn’t be so much that he had sex previously (BEFORE this relationship) so much as he LIED to you
Lieing is NEVER Good
Lieing about one’s Sexual History… really not good
He has put you at risk… and caused you great trauma
I would think this might be a Deal-Breaker for me.
But to each their own… ONLY YOU KNOW how you feel about this.
Personally, 22 is young… and 3 Years a good learning experience on Life’s Lessons…
I think I’d be looking for another man who is far more mature in how he handles his personal business and more respectful to his Love / Life Partners & their wants / needs (including your wanting to get Engaged – Married – have Kides etc)
Post # 10
He didn’t make a mistake before he knew you…he’s been lying to you for the past 4 years and put your health at risk. If he wants you to trust him, he needs to work at earning that trust. This is a serious lie with major consequences that you can’t sweep under the rug, and just hope it won’t happen again.
Post # 11
How awful. I don’t know what I would do. I would be worried he has been unfaithful, although I do believe his scenario is easily what could have caused you to get chlamydia.
At any rate, I’m sorry and I hope you aren’t sterile.
Post # 12
@Koifish: i couldnt continue a relationship with someone who damaged my opportunity to have kids. On top of that he lied to you abput his sex life
Post # 13
I’d dump his lying ass pronto.
Post # 14
Hugs. I am so sorry.
You really need to have a sit down talk with him… I dunno if I could be with someone who had lied to me about something so serious. 🙁
Post # 15
You’re sexually active and haven’t had a full pelvic since becoming sexually active? You’ve only had paps and not full pelvics? How do you go for 3 years without a full pelvic exam? Here you can’t get a pap without a full pelvic. Didn’t you tell your doctor you were sexually active? And why no testing for STDs when you went for your pap, especially when you’re in a sexual relationship? Just because your partner said he was clean? Have you (and him) been tested for HIV/AIDS? I sure as hell hope you did before even having sex!
A doctor cannot assess fallopian tube damage with just a standard pelvic exam. Dye testing of the tubes can. And, it’s wrong for him to tell you your chances of having kids is nil without testing the fallopian tubes first. Could your tubes be damaged? Yes, but they could be damaged from the chlamydia or for some other reason (ie. endometriosis).
Post # 16
I’m sorry you are going through this. Personally I’d be gone.
This is why I am bewildered as to why so many Bees do not continue to get regular STD tests under the excuse of “we are in a monogamous relationship”. You are responsible for your own sexual health. I get tested yearly and will never not get tested. Its irresponsible and just foolish not to IMO.