Post # 1
Ok people, am I over reacing?! One of my four bridesmaids is getting married it this October, while my fiance and I are getting married in May 2014. We are in each other’s weddings. Two years ago I had a very traumatic experience. My wedding was planned for over a year and three months out I became very ill and my fiance of 5 years left me. Now two years later I have found the one and i’m over the moon!
So my friend has been engaged for a year and I just became engaged two months ago. But I feel that I have a different persepcive on my wedding than I did last time because I know so much more now that its the marriage that is important and not so much the day. Anyways:
Today I planned for her that all of us bridesmaids would go order our dresses for her wedding and we’d have a girls day. She also wanted to look for flower girl dresses and I suggested going to a resale shop that she didn’t know of and also said I was thinking about trying on some wedding dresses since we’d both be together. We’re in our 30’s so life is busy and I thought it would be a good way to do both things. Mind you, its not like we were shopping for her wedding dress, or even having a day she planned, and she’s been engaged for over a year at this point. She was totally fine with it and I was really excited for our day.
Well then I get a text from her fiance that reads “This is ____’s day, please don’t talk about or try anything on for your wedding.” Are you kidding me?! I am so disappointed and don’t know how to respond to this. He’s so self centered about this wedding and to be honest she is too. Do they want me to not talk about my wedding at all until their’s is over? I think they are annoyed that now i’m engaged, getting married in the same city, same group of friends, etc. This is not a contest. They’re wedding will be big and grand because their families are paying for it. My wedding, my fiance and I are paying for so at times I do talk to my bridesmaids because i look for their advice as i’m trying to do a budget wedding. At this point i’m considering not including her in wedding stuff and just doing it with some of my other friends. What do you think about this and how would you feel and respond?
Post # 3
What the hell is his deal?
You aren’t overreacting, because that is not cool for her Fiance to say that. I would say only disinclude (is that a word?) her from the wedding stuff only if she feels the same way as Fiance does, and you know she does for sure. Don’t want to punish her for something Fiance said.
Post # 4
@fishwoman: I don’t think that they are upset at your getting engaged or married at all, but I can understand their sentiment. I think it was a bit rude and overreaching for the fiance to text you, but if either or both of them felt that they were missing out on a special event in their own wedding planning, I see where they are coming from. Unless you both mutually suggest that sort of thing, I tihnk it was a bit much to say you would try on wedding dresses at the same time. I think it’s best to keep these things seperate, so each bride gets “her day” or “her time” for some of the more special wedding related tasks- like dress shopping.
Post # 5
I think that was a total tool move on the part of her Fiance. She should have called you and told you she has a problem with you trying on dresses that day. I would just reply with a no problem or something short in nature.
Post # 6
Don’t be upset- but i think you’re being too sensative.
I can understand what he’s saying. I think that you both might have different ideas of what “girls day” meant.
I think that because she’s a good friend she thought she might be overreacting and didn’t say anything to you. She might have told her Fiance how she felt and he took it upon himself to stand up for her feelings a bit.
I think that perhaps it would be good to give her her own moment and you have your own moment.
Post # 7
Awww, brings me back to the days of going to a kindergarten party and NO one was allowed to upstage the special snowflake birthday girl. Give her a gold star and tell her not to worry, this is her super special day! Bring a tiara.
Post # 9
It sort of sounded like it was a day for her – her and her bm’s buying their dresses, and going out, then looking at flower girl dresses. Unless her entire bridal party is your party also, it does sound a little odd? Maybe she was hoping that she could have it her day and not turn it into a attention tug a war with you trying on dresses. It sort of sounds like it would be better to plan a different day just “for you”. I wouldn’t be too offended though, he wasn’t terribly rude, and is just looking out for his FI’s feelings.
Post # 10
@MissFireFlower: I agree with this.
While her Fiance texting you was inappropriate, I think you need to seperate the two events completely.
Also: do you really want to try on wedding dresses with all of your bridesmaids? I’m genuinely curious.
Post # 11
Did he overstep, totally. If she was uncomfortable with the suggestion (which I woild be to) she should have been a woman about it and told you so.
Post # 12
@MissFireFlower: this. I also think his comment comes off snotty bc it’s a text. It would sound nicer over the phone.
Post # 13
The thing is she didn’t have an issue or at least she tells me she didn’t. I’m a social worker so at heart i’m a considerate and thoughtful person. We were doing nothing today that was “special” per say. Its like if we are out to dinner or something, do we need to decide whose wedding we are going to talk about or what? I’m only having 4 girls in my wedding and we are all very close and my family is not interested in my wedding at all, so i talk to my girls about alot of stuff. If we did everything seperate, we would have no time to spend with our fiances! I have made soooo much time for her wedding stuff and even though i have my own to worry about, i offer all the time to help with whatever she needs. And btw, I set up this day for her! If she had just gotten engaged, or was doing something that was clearly “her” day, i would have had no issues at all not doing anything related to my wedding. But i have way less time to plan my wedding and I have to get started!
Post # 14
@MissFireFlower: exactly what I was thinking. OP, your previous engagement isn’t really relevant here. It’s a sad story, and I’m sorry that happened to you, but I’m not sure what that has to do with your friend not deserving one day to be the bride without someone trying to share the spotlight. You’ll have a ton of time after her wedding has passed to bask in the bridal glow, while she may be disappointed that now that she’s close enough to her wedding to do bridal things like try on dresses, she can’t be the center of attention while doing that. I also agree that his statement probably came off much worse because it was a text. If I try reading it an a less offesive tone, it comes off like a somewhat reasonable thing to ask of his fiancee’s good friend.
Post # 15
I think you all missed what I was saying. We already picked out our bridesmaid dresses for her wedding. I said to her, why don’t we all go to get measured for our dresses March 30th because I know you wanted us to order them. She said to me, thats a great idea! SO then I said, i know you wanted to look at flower girls dresses and they have some at this resale shop that I was going to go to to try on dresses and she said, thats a great idea! So that was the plan. And yes she and I share a bridesmaid. Her Maid/Matron of Honor was going to go home after measuring for our bridesmaid dresses. So nothing today screamed “her”.
Snurfmurf, you hit right on it. Exactly, my feeling is i’m getting married but i don’t think everyones life should revolve around me and neither should she think my life should revolve around her.
Post # 16
@fishwoman: of course she didn’t say anything. She most likely just assumed that you were planning a day just for her. When you said that you might try on dresses too, she didn’t want to seem like a snotty bride or a bad friend so she just said nothing.
In reality, she must have been pretty heartbroken. I’m sure her Fiance was just thinking about her feelings.