SO offered for his friend to stay at our house…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Deejayelle:  If he lives 15 minutes away why would he be sleeping at your house?  I’m confused?

Post # 4
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Deejayelle:  I wouldn’t think much of it. If the guys house is empty until the rest of his family gets there, then I can understand not wanting to stay at a house all by myself (if the house isnt empty, different story….).

I’m assuming its only for a night or two? or is this for like a week or something? I’d be upset if i wasn’t part of the decision if it was for like a week or something. But if its just a night or two…no big deal.

 

Post # 5
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Deejayelle:  FI did do this to me once – and he ended up having to tell his friend that he couldn’t spend the night.

It was a situation where his friend lived at home still and was fighting with his mother and wanted to spend the night out. FI knew that our loveseat fits a person so offered it to him without consulting me about it. So that evening when he told me (just before this friend was supposed to be over) I gave him a pretty stern talking to about doing that.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want people staying over… we have a bachelor apartment where there is only a partial wall between kitchen/bedroom and to get to the bathroom you need to go through our bedroom. The loveseat is in the kitchen so automatically it made me uncomfortable in case I had to use the kitchen to have some guy in there staring at me, or if he had to use the bathroom that he’d be walking through the very room I was sleeping… it made me very uncomfortable just thinking about it as I’d have no privacy at all. 

We made a deal for if he wants a friend to be a guest that I will make arrangements to spend the night out after being consulted as it makes me very uncomfortable to be so close at night. The least amount of notice he is allowed to give me is 24 hours notice unless it is a dire emergency and his friend has no other option. He recognizes that if I live there too that he doesn’t have the freedom to invite whomever he wishes into our home.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

DH used to sleep over at his BFF’s house on the couch ALL the time, despite only living 15-20 minutes away! But only if they were planning on drinking. If you’re not comfortable with it, just tell your SO! I’m sure he’ll understand.

Post # 7
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

@Deejayelle:  This sounds easy to solve. Unlike when my doofus of an SO invited a friend of his to MOVE IN with us without asking me what I thought. One day I came home and his friend was sitting on our couch with a duffel bag. SO wanted to play the hero and said he could stay in our spare bedroom when he found out his friend’s girlfriend had kicked him out bc he didn’t have a job. That’s really someone I want mooching off of us! It caused a huge fight. I was so pissed and resentful that he had done that without even consulting me. 

His friend wound up staying with us for 2 months! SO felt too quilty about kicking him out on the street. He had nowhere to go, probably bc there weren’t enough people willing to take in a lazy, Xbox 360 playing, unemployed man. SO finally kicked him out when he stole $50 from us.

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Deejayelle:  My husband wouldn’t do this. He knows how I feel about people in my space. 15 minutes away is ridiculous. If it is driving distance, you can be damn sure the person is going home. If it’s not, I can recommend a nice hotel. My home isn’t a flop house. 

Post # 9
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@MrsPanda99:  +1

I hate the idea of other people in my house that I’m not super close to. I can’t even imagine if someone was invited over and I wasn’t consulted first.  Bleh.

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@LMD:  I would simply tell them to leave. I spent a lot of money on my house and it’s my sanctuary where I can do what I want and escape the outside world. If we invite the outside in, it’s a joint decision and no overnights. 

I figured everyone else would think I was crazy 😛

Post # 11
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@MrsPanda99:  No way.  I’m 100% with you!

Post # 12
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Deejayelle:  I have invited my coworker (a male) to stay over at my house without asking my DH beforehand. I’ve done this numerous times. My DH doesn’t mind, and he and my coworker have become friends. I wouldn’t want my coworker having to miss out on the fun because he can’t get a ride home afterwards and it’s too expensive for a cab, etc.
DH knows that he can offer for his friends to stay whenever he’d like, too.

Your SO probably just didn’t realize you’d feel so strongly against it. Maybe you just need to tell him. It’s not something that he should be expected to just assume, IMO.

Post # 13
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Deejayelle:  Wait what? He wants to sleep at your house because he’s a big baby and doesn’t like sleeping in a house alone?

I’d say “no way”. It’s *our* house and overnight guests get decided together. I would tell him to go back and retract the offer. That will teach SO not do it again without checking with you.

(A friend in genuine distress is an exception to this rule, but that doesn’t apply in this case).

If somehow he does say, SO does all the cleaning/washing afterwards.

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