Post # 1
SO went to the pub with his mate last night. When I picked him up, he said that his friend has to come back earlier than his family over the Christmas break due to work, but SO said he’s always welcome at our house. I said ‘yeah, we should have him over for a BBQ’. SO goes ‘I meant he’s welcome to sleep at our house’. What?! We don’t even have a spare bed here yet (the spare bed will be in my spare bedroom with all of my stuff)! I asked where SO proposes he sleeps, he suggested the couch in the lounge room. Again, what?! I like SO’s friend, only issue is sometimes when they’ve both been drinking, they get into arguments. I don’t really want that in my house, and having to tiptoe around my own house in the morning…not cool. I also don’t want to feel like a third party in my house. If it was an out of town friend or relative, it would be different, but this guy lives 15 minutes away! I feel like SO should have talked to me first before putting forth the offer, it’s not okay with me – especially when I consider that if I did the same, offered our house to one of my friends without talking to SO first, he wouldn’t be happy! How would you feel if your SO did this?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Deejayelle: If he lives 15 minutes away why would he be sleeping at your house? I’m confused?
Post # 4
@Deejayelle: I wouldn’t think much of it. If the guys house is empty until the rest of his family gets there, then I can understand not wanting to stay at a house all by myself (if the house isnt empty, different story….).
I’m assuming its only for a night or two? or is this for like a week or something? I’d be upset if i wasn’t part of the decision if it was for like a week or something. But if its just a night or two…no big deal.
Post # 5
@Deejayelle: FI did do this to me once – and he ended up having to tell his friend that he couldn’t spend the night.
It was a situation where his friend lived at home still and was fighting with his mother and wanted to spend the night out. FI knew that our loveseat fits a person so offered it to him without consulting me about it. So that evening when he told me (just before this friend was supposed to be over) I gave him a pretty stern talking to about doing that.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want people staying over… we have a bachelor apartment where there is only a partial wall between kitchen/bedroom and to get to the bathroom you need to go through our bedroom. The loveseat is in the kitchen so automatically it made me uncomfortable in case I had to use the kitchen to have some guy in there staring at me, or if he had to use the bathroom that he’d be walking through the very room I was sleeping… it made me very uncomfortable just thinking about it as I’d have no privacy at all.
We made a deal for if he wants a friend to be a guest that I will make arrangements to spend the night out after being consulted as it makes me very uncomfortable to be so close at night. The least amount of notice he is allowed to give me is 24 hours notice unless it is a dire emergency and his friend has no other option. He recognizes that if I live there too that he doesn’t have the freedom to invite whomever he wishes into our home.
Post # 6
DH used to sleep over at his BFF’s house on the couch ALL the time, despite only living 15-20 minutes away! But only if they were planning on drinking. If you’re not comfortable with it, just tell your SO! I’m sure he’ll understand.
Post # 7
@Deejayelle: This sounds easy to solve. Unlike when my doofus of an SO invited a friend of his to MOVE IN with us without asking me what I thought. One day I came home and his friend was sitting on our couch with a duffel bag. SO wanted to play the hero and said he could stay in our spare bedroom when he found out his friend’s girlfriend had kicked him out bc he didn’t have a job. That’s really someone I want mooching off of us! It caused a huge fight. I was so pissed and resentful that he had done that without even consulting me.
His friend wound up staying with us for 2 months! SO felt too quilty about kicking him out on the street. He had nowhere to go, probably bc there weren’t enough people willing to take in a lazy, Xbox 360 playing, unemployed man. SO finally kicked him out when he stole $50 from us.
Post # 8
@Deejayelle: My husband wouldn’t do this. He knows how I feel about people in my space. 15 minutes away is ridiculous. If it is driving distance, you can be damn sure the person is going home. If it’s not, I can recommend a nice hotel. My home isn’t a flop house.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I hate the idea of other people in my house that I’m not super close to. I can’t even imagine if someone was invited over and I wasn’t consulted first. Bleh.
Post # 10
@LMD: I would simply tell them to leave. I spent a lot of money on my house and it’s my sanctuary where I can do what I want and escape the outside world. If we invite the outside in, it’s a joint decision and no overnights.
I figured everyone else would think I was crazy 😛
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@MrsPanda99: No way. I’m 100% with you!
Post # 12
@Deejayelle: I have invited my coworker (a male) to stay over at my house without asking my DH beforehand. I’ve done this numerous times. My DH doesn’t mind, and he and my coworker have become friends. I wouldn’t want my coworker having to miss out on the fun because he can’t get a ride home afterwards and it’s too expensive for a cab, etc.
DH knows that he can offer for his friends to stay whenever he’d like, too.
Your SO probably just didn’t realize you’d feel so strongly against it. Maybe you just need to tell him. It’s not something that he should be expected to just assume, IMO.
Post # 13
@Deejayelle: Wait what? He wants to sleep at your house because he’s a big baby and doesn’t like sleeping in a house alone?
I’d say “no way”. It’s *our* house and overnight guests get decided together. I would tell him to go back and retract the offer. That will teach SO not do it again without checking with you.
(A friend in genuine distress is an exception to this rule, but that doesn’t apply in this case).
If somehow he does say, SO does all the cleaning/washing afterwards.
Post # 14
I am hoping the friend doesn’t take him up on the offer. As it is, SO and I don’t like unannounced guests, much less ‘sleeping over’ guests. I was just so annoyed that he offered without checking with me first! i am sure a grown man will be just fine in his own home – some time without his wife and 3 young kids would surely be serenity! SO tends to look out for other people without really thinking things through – he has a big heart, but offering our place as a crash pad when we’re not even set up for guests is a bit much! I will be telling him that it’s never okay to do that (unless, as other Bees stated, it’s a dire emergency).