Post # 1
Sorry girls, I just need to vent. It has been one thing after another going wrong with my wedding. First of all, I am working crazy hours at work and barely have time to deal with regular life, let alone plan a wedding. I’m in constant pain lately and my doctors don’t know what is causing it and it is really starting to wear on me.
Now I just had a huge hit in the wedding planning. My best friend that I have known since middle school who was going to be my bridesmaid had to cancel on me because her professor would fail her for taking two days away from class in order to come to my wedding. I chose my other friend that I have know since high school to be my bridesmaid but her husband doesn’t want to make any plans until he gets a job (which you all know how the job market is now).
I have always been guarded with the people that I let into my life because I don’t really trust many people and don’t really believe that people would really care. (I have been burned by friends in the past.) I feel like I’m not going to have any friends there with me at my wedding. The only one that I know will come is someone that I have only been spending time with for the past few months. This is making me feel like I did all those times growing up when people weren’t there for me and I got my hopes up for nothing.
I know that it is all about marrying my FI and I can’t wait for that but now I wish that we had just eloped and done it instead of having this big show that no one even seems to care about.
I don’t have the desire to plan anything right now. I just don’t even care about it anymore…
Post # 3
Sorry to hear what you’re going through! I think you should take a short break from wedding planning – just try to take some time to catch up on life, work, your health, etc. It can be overwhelming when it feels like everything is going wrong at once!
I know this is definitely not the same at all but maybe your best friend will be able to make a visit to come see you over the summer when classes are over and you guys can catch up and you can recap all the wedding details with her over the pictures. I ended up missing my best friend’s wedding because she eloped and I was so sad about it for awhile…just so you know, I’m sure she doesn’t feel any better about the situation either!
Post # 4
Ugh. That sucks. I totally feel for you. When I was planning, I had a hard time remaining positive when my BMs weren’t being nearly as helpful/supportive of me as I was when I was each of their BM/MOH. I often go out of my way to help people- because I love them/care about them/it makes me feel good- but it is really hard when it’s not reciprocated.
I think you know in your head that your friends want to be there and it’s circumstances beyond their control that are keeping them away. Can you call them up and say, "Look, I know in my head that you really want to be here but can’t- but in my heart I’m really hurt that I won’t have you there." Give them the chance to be BMs and support you even if they can’t physically be there. It might help you feel better to know they support you.
Can you arrange to get together with them- or some other friends/family for something relaxing? A hike, a weekend away, a mani/pedi, a massage- something to help you relax? Give yourself permission to take time off from planning!
Obviously these are 2 very important people in your life- but they aren’t the only people that will be celebrating with you! Think of all the other friends and family that will be coming out for your big day!
And you are totally right- in the end, marrying your FI is the most important part!
Post # 5
I’m so sorry. I think I’m a bit like you too. 🙁 I’m guessing the husband without a job is not wanting to make plans because of money??? If so, could you cover your friend’s costs? Maybe she’d be able to at least come alone. I don’t know if that all is possible, but if you can swing it.
Do you not have any BMs now? Does your Fi have groomsmen? Can he forgo a BP if you do?
Try to see all the good that’s going on for you right now. People disappoint us. And probably we have disappointed too. Maybe without knowing. But I hear ya and have felt the same way.
Post # 6
There are so many bees that need a hug right now, and you’re one of them! I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this right now!
Take a deep breath, and remember what you said…you’re marrying your fiance! It’s going to be the greatest day of your life!!!
I was definitely at the point where you are now. You just feel so overwhelmed with everything, and my mother was beyond stressing me out! Though it’s wonderful to have your friends there to support you as you start your new life together, you will have your best friend standing right next to you. He will be your rock through everything. Start doodling your names together "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" will definitely make you smile, and that’s half the battle of feeling less overwhelmed. Lots of deep breaths and keep thinking about how hot your fiance is going to look standing at the end of that isle staring at no one but you!
Post # 7
i can relate to feeling let down or like friends wont really care. making the guest list was so hard for me cause i felt like some people would look at the invite and be like…"why would she invite me." we’re having what most consider a small wedding (about 75 guests) but for us – two people who take our friendships really seriously and dont call anyone a friend too quickly – thats a lot of people. but i’ve come to find that people are honored that you think of them. and some people just wont be able to make it for reasons outside of their control – even though your first BM cant make it, im sure she, and the second choice, both love and care about you and want to be by your side. a small wedding doesnt mean people dont care about you – whats important is that you and your man are comfortable when you make that committment to eachother.
how far along are you in planning? is it too late to elope? even though you may have chosen BMs, you have to think of yourself (and your health!) first. people will understand. maybe a destination elopement followed by a few days of vacation is just what you need – take lots of photos and have a small party when you return!
or maybe you can take a break and pass some of the planning tasks on to family members.
Post # 8
Can I please say that I 100% relate!
Atleast to the feeling of having no freinds. I was asked the other day to make a list for my shower. I listed all my girlfreinds…even one from Childhood who I never see anymore, and I came up with FIVE NAMES! Freak’in 5?! are you kidding me!
So let me say, I understand
Wedding suck! you see all these people with tons of freinds and when your life doens’t look the same way…..it’s like salt in the wound.
Post # 9
Hugs! I hope everything works out.
I’m getting married a few weeks after you, and I’m getting a little burnt out on wedding stuff. I just talked to my FI the other night about "wow if we’d just gone to Jamaica, would we have been just as happy?" etc etc. Long story short, it’s too late to turn back! At least the wedding is soon! June will be here and gone before you know it.
Post # 10
I think we brides all go through ups and downs in our planning. I go through spurts where I can’t stop talking about all the details that we’re deciding to where I don’t talk about anything for a week or two. I think your feelings of frustration are totally understandable, and you may or may not feel differently in a week or two. I would reevaluate then and find a good way to tackle each of the things that are still bothering you.
Post # 11
I can too relate to your feelings, my FI & I really were wishing that we had just eloped. Ours wasn’t due to friends, but due to my FI’s parents drama. Seriously our wedding as created a tidle wave and now my FI doesn’t even want to invite his parents to the wedding, its that bad!
But, I really didn’t want these two people to ruin the wedding celebration that all of our other family members & friends want. What we are doing is focusing on the people that love us & are happy for us. Rather then focusing on those stressing you out, think about the people who are excited to go to your wedding and esp focus on the fact that you are marrying the man of your dreams 🙂
Post # 12
I wanted to thank everyone for responding! I’m definetly feeling better today. Just trying to not think about planning at all for a while. Thanks again girls!
Post # 13
I’m glad that you’re feeling a bit better today! One thing that recently helped my FH and I was taking a weekend off of wedding talk for the both of us. We did a few of the things that we used to do when we first started dating (I recreated our first date dinner, complete with apple pie 🙂 ) and it was exactly what I needed!
Post # 14
glad you are feeling better. i wanted to add my 2 cents b/c my husband and i did elope – a little over a year ago, and then realized that we really wanted a wedding. soooo…we got engaged last november, and our wedding is the same day as yours! i know it is tempting to think eloping is better. take it from someone who has been there, eloping was not as romantic as we thought it would be, and we missed something – our families. you’ll have a great wedding, and really, don’t worry about bridesmaids – they are not vital to a great wedding or a great marriage.
Post # 15
Sezzy, SUPER CUTE IDEA! My FI loves homemade apple pie. Although I don’t know that recreating a college frat party and a trip Applebee’s is really what I should do, LOL.
Nice perspective, djmaddiebluedog. The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?