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I've got a major basis to what I want our day to look like and nothing can take shape until either a proposal has been made
I'm exactly right there! He doesn't mind giving ideas, but I want to put the ideas into motion and not just keep talking and planning. A lady can only plan so much!LOL I'm not stir crazy, but I'm so ready for him to do this thing. Even having a outline of when doesn't help.
I really think that you need to implement Mr. Bee's Three Step Plan and possibly take a step away from Weddingbee for a while. Constantly bothering your boyfriend about when you are going to get engaged is going to push him further away from doing it, or it is going to push him toward giving you a 'shut up ring' so that you stop bothering him about getting engaged. I don't mean to be blunt but I really think you need to hear it (and I think you know it too).
Try to work on yourself. Think about what you want to do with your life (work-wise, recreational activities, etc). If you two are meant to be together, he will see that you are enjoying life and want to enjoy life with you! Good luck!
@MsBrooklynA: It's okay honey, we all get there. For me, I know the proposal is coming soon and I know the date of our wedding but I feel like I can't talk about it and 'really' plan until I have that ring, especially since it's not until May 2012! I get to the point where I just can't even look at the stuff because I think, "by the time I can do this part, this option will probably be on closeout or discontinued!"
My favorite NWR blogs are That Wife and Hyperbole and a Half. I have one too and while I give recaps of weddings I've been to, I mostly write about food, recipes, vacations, and other random crap. It's actually how I unload some of my aggression when I get to the icky third stage.
My other advice is to get your butt into a salon chair. Get a mani/pedi and maybe color your hair or get a facial, etc. Pamper yourself and be happy about it. Read a celebrity gossip magazine instead of a bridal one. The Wii fit is a good idea too and for me, going to the gym not only gets my mind off it but releases a lot of anxiety.
@MissAsB: Your right. I do need to quit bugging him. It's just not always as easy as it sounds. I've gotten really frustrated lately at the fact that I am the only one my age who is at this stage and with him being my best friend I automatically go to talking about how I feel with him. I tell him everything anyways. It's just one of those times when I'm going to have to find a different outlet. I forget he doesn't want to hear EVERYTHING I'm thinking.
@artichokey: I hope yours comes soon. This stage is not fun at all. Were pretty much set on September 2012 and I start to worry too, that my ideas will be out of style or the things I want won't be available by the time we do get married. I will definately check out those blogs too. I love photography blogs but even those start to get irritating because so much of what they feature is weddings. I think the world is starting to revolve around them ;)
I know it's tough. We were the first in my circle of friends to get engaged and it was so tough. Add the fact that he had the ring for a year and it was just torturing me. I know how you just want to get it off your chest sometimes!
Ohh I hear ya!! I get so frustrated sometimes! He NEVER gets asked when we are getting married either, so I tend to be the one who gets it all the time! I just try to keep myself busy... go to the gym, bake cookies, see friends and hope I have distracted myself enough!
Aaahh!! YES! Urghh I've totally been feeling this way lately. I can even relate to the feeling out of place on the Bee. For a while, I purposefully tried to limit myself to the Waiting and Ring boards, since that was all that *should* apply to me. Sometimes looking at all the other boards and seeing people get so stressed out about little wedding details makes me irritated because it's like... you're getting married!! Like, for sure! You have a ring and you are ON your way girl! What do you seriously have to worry about!? Lol. When really I know, of course I will go through all those little stressful things too when i have to plan the wedding.
But AsB is totally right -- Mr. Bee's plan is always the way to go when we're feeling like this. I'm trying to do that as much as possible, but it's hard. AND, I don't bring up engagement like EVER unless we already happen to be talking about it (which happens maybe once every few months, since we've already decided when we're getting married), but that makes things really difficult for me because now I'm at this really ambiguous "I know it's happening but it could be any time from now to 9 months from now" stage and I don't like it. I want him to ask me about rings. I want him to tell me I won't have to wait too long. I want him to tell me he understands how anxious I am for it to happen and that I don't need to worry about it.
I feel like we need to have a Waiting Board Rant-a-Thon. ;)
Do C25K!!! That's my latest project to keep my myself busy.
And re-reading books I haven't read in a few years (business and personal growth topics)
And perhaps not mentioning it, per Mr Bee's plan.
Some gals (myself included) tend to "stuff it" and not talk to their guys about this.
Some gals over-do the wedding talk. So "know thyself" :-)
XOXO
@MsBrooklynA: I know. You reach a certain age and it's all you ever see or hear about isn't it? Another good one is OMG...I'm a Mom which is written by a bee, Mrs. Dumpling. She's got a 1 year old and it's not about weddings at all, just about her being a pretty hilarious mom and telling off stupid people in grocery stores and doctor's offices. Always good for a chuckle.
I think I might read all of the Harry Potter's. That movie is coming out soon and I haven't read them in a while. That will definitely get my mind of weddings. :)
I totally know what you mean about having a hold time holding back because he's the one you go to to talk about eeeeverything else. My SO and I are like that -- and this is the one thing that I go crazy trying to hold in with him. Sometimes when I've got a lot built up, I feel almost like I'm lying to him by omission -- that there's something really big going on inside my head and heart, and it involves him, but I'm totally hiding it from him. But you're right -- it's important to remember that there are some things he doesn't want to be hearing about. You're not alone there.
Go crazy on that Wii! I hope that with burning some physical energy, you'll burn off some of the feelings as well.
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I FINALLY found this website and this 'waiting' thread! I have been going absolutely crazy and can't really talk to anybody else about it - cause really, they've all heard me venting about it already - including my honey!
We've been together 4yrs now, and I am reaching the point where I am so sick of hearing about weddings and SO tired of everybody asking me 'what, no ring yet?'. Cause you know, I've been anticipating it for over a year now. I even went with a girlfriend over a year ago to look at rings so I could tell my SO what I like.
The contributing problem is that his job will potentially move within a year or so. We have already discussed that I'm not comfortable moving without that kind of committment, and he has promised I won't have to do that. So what the heck is he waiting for?!
It's just so nice to have other people understand and empathize with each others situations. It so often seems like everyone else gets the happy ending and I'm just still waiting around for it...I'm glad to have you all!!
I absolutely, positively hated the waiting stage. I hated it when people would ask me, "So, when are you guys getting engaged? When's the wedding?". It's a question you don't ask! It's a step or two below someone asking a girl if she's pregnant--you NEVER do that!
I also hated it when people would tell me that I was silly for worrying, to just enjoy this time. Seriously!?! I don't know anybody who enjoys being in limbo!
My SO and I had talked about a timeline and how we saw things happening. I was told by the end of summer 2010 in July 2009. He did, thankfully, end up sticking to that timeline, but there were many times where I cycled through those first two steps. I never really hit the "uncertainty" part. However, the rejection hit me very hard. I had to make myself take a month-long break from wedding boards and I had to block some Facebook status updates from friends who were sharing every detail of wedding planning. It may seem a little immature, but it was a coping mechanism that worked for me.
So, to sum it up...yes, I agree, the waiting absolutely, positively sucks. Looking back, I found that it really struck me when I was prone to depression (January/February...winter months with nothing much going on), as well as times where I had too much free time. The best things I did for myself were that I did things to keep myself busy. During the winter, I just kept trying to think of positive things about it.
Thanks ladies!! I'm so glad that someone else gets this stage. It is so unfun and I hate feeling like telling people I like to please shut up because I do not want to talk about it :) I know they mean well but they already know that if I knew when we were getting engaged we would probably already be engaged.
We did just have a talk about how hard it is for me to be waiting because I have no one to talk to about it and I strongly dislike not being in control. He told me that I need to chill out on the wedding talk but that he would like to go look at rings again to firm up my idea of what I want. Were so close but yet so far. I have heard everything from it could be near my birthday to I could have to wait until May of 2011. Ugh!!
@sweetcV2B: I hope it comes soon so you two don't have to do LDR!
@BlueRidgeMere: I love the wii but I totally undid myself today with the MN state fair. Chocolate dipped bacon is not good for a diet :)
@artichokey: ANOTHER HP FAN!! Yes! Are you not totally excited for the movie in November?! I did just reread all 7 within the last 2 months. Maybe I'll do twilight again or hit up Barnes and Noble for a totally new series. Did you go to the state fair at all?
@MsBrooklynA: OMG, I'm so excited for the movie! Can not wait and am super excited/nervous about where they're going to cut it off for the second part. I'm also really, really, really hoping they don't cut or change as much in this one. SO was really sad after movie six because it's his favorite book and the whole 'fire at the Burrow' thing never really happened. JK Rowling is a genius, there's no need to change things people!
Oh yes, we went to the Fair twice, on both Sundays. Once just with my parents so my mom could walk through all the buildings as that is her favorite. Then we went again with my parents and my sister's family. I have two little nieces and they love Ye Old Mill and the Big Slide so we were required to go on both which is fine with me! ? I actually work just down the road from the Fair so it's going to be nice to not deal with the traffic and the shuttle bus parking crowds! Still though, the end of the Fair is sad...as is the end of summer. Boo hiss.
About that chocolate covered bacon....I had some last year and it chipped one of my molars! Tooth casualty at the Fair! I looked at both of my marathon eating sessions as boosts for my metabolism, cause you gotta just embrace it. What's your favorite Fair food?
I've definitely hit the second stage of "The Waiting Cycle." I knew it was coming but nothing i could do would stop it. I was sooo excited when we talked about timeline and even more excited when we looked at rings and even MORE excited when we talked about venues. I was obnoxiously giddy. Then it became clear that the ring will not be making an appearance super soon, maybe early next year, and all I can think of is "WHY NOT?"
I feel like the little girl in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, "But I want it NOW!"
Girl, I am RIGHT THERE with you! i was excited to plan thing ahead of time, but now I feel like it is just a waste bc who knows how long it will be and if i will even like it when that time comes. I thought it was cute to see him squirm for a while, too, but not it just angers me. STOP ASKING ME WHEN IT WILL HAPPEN!!! I dont know!!!!!! and it seems like he doesn't either. or if he does he isnt letting on at all. I'm sick of feeling like i am pushing him and forcing him to do it, even if he insists that he is ready and wants it, too. But Im just sick of it all. I need to get my mind off of it, too, but its hard when every 5 seconds someone is asking me when it will happen, or someone is engaged, or someone is telling me what colors and songs they are using in their wedding. UURRGHH!!!!!
I tried Mr Bee's plan before i knew it existed and it back fired on me. See latest post.
@artichokey: I feel ya on the HP--my FAVE series, have read them all several times, so why not do it again to pass the "waiting"?? CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT MOVIE!!!!!
@keepsmiling19: I use the term "limbo" a lot for where BF and I are right now. We are at that age where we are done with college, have jobs, and are ready to move out, get married, and start a life, but we can't bc of money mostly. We are in limbo--we know where we want to be but just can't get there. grr....
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I've heard from a lot of bees that they go through the stages of waiting. First there is the excitement, then there are the feelings of rejection and then comes the uncertainty (according to "The waiting cycle").
Now I've gone through the first two and I tend to just circle between them. We so often talk about the subject (or rather I do) that I just tend to stay really excited about it. As of lately though I have hit a wall. Honestly, I don't even want to talk about it anymore. All the blogs look the same, nothing changes, the bees are all writing about things I may understand but not always things I "get" per se, and I just kind of want him to either put up or shut up.
He gets frustrated with me because he feels like I can be pushy and talk about the subject too often. I think he is sick of the "when's the wedding comments" also. Previous to this week, I thought they were cute and I enjoyed seeing him squirm a little. Now I have reached the "I want to punch you in the face if I hear one more FREAKING person ask me when I am getting married" stage. Guess what!! I DON'T F***ING KNOW!!! Sorry, just had to get that out.
I'm also super over the planning. I've got a major basis to what I want our day to look like and nothing can take shape until either a proposal has been made or he decides he wants to give me his input. I'm over it girls. I’m Sooo incredibly over waiting. I bought him a Wii and WiiFit for his birthday and I am just going to get in shape and keep up on my school work and honestly just try to find something else to read besides wedding related things. Even Weddingbee gets repetitive because I don't have much to contribute.
Is there anyone else out there who is SOO OVER waiting right now? Any of you other ladies have great non-wedding blog suggestions or Wii games you have come to love? I need to just think about something else for awhile!