Weddingbee boards

@Miss Chapstick - Wow. I'd also be a little miffed at $50 from a 5-person family. I mean, at some point, it's almost better to get nothing at all than something like that. I totally sympathize with you on the FIL issue, though. My FILs are experience some extreme financial hardships, and I strongly suspect that not only will we not be receiving a gift from them, but we'll likely be expected to fly them out here, pay for a cab/rental car, and pay for their hotel.

@monitajb - "Feel the bitter, then let it roll" is an excellent suggestion :)

@smyley - My fiance has been giving gifts to his friends for YEARS and often getting nothing in return, so I think he's used to it. Hopefully I'll reach his state of zen soon!

@ejs4y8 - I didn't go through it, but one of my bridesmaids (call her A) faced a really similar situation with one of her friends (call her B). When B got engaged, all of her friends will still in school. B called her engagement period "The year of her wedding" and acted accordingly - multiple showers and parties, with the requirement that all of her non-local (often broke) bridesmaids attend every single one. She got really irritated when A couldn't attend one of her events. Yet her bridesmaids still chipped in for an awesome wedding present. When A got married, B was broke and A ended up paying for her dress, her airfare to get to the wedding, basically everything. Oh, and B's marriage lasted 11 months - the year of her wedding was longer than her actual marriage.

@Tulip61110 - We're also one of the last couples in our group of friends to get married. We went to SEVEN weddings last summer and did our best to extend our generosity toward every single couple. It just bugs me when we don't get similar treatment.

@LacyLust - Yup. Clearly, if a 5-person family can only afford $50, then maybe they shouldn't be spending anything at all.

@Arachna - Here's my full explanation for the $50 issue, since I was running out the door when I commented earlier. In my group of friends, $50 would be WAY below the norm for a 5-person family to give as a wedding present. In any situation when someone is giving a gift that costs markedly below what is normally given (and "normal" can definitely vary by region, culture, group of friends, etc) and the recipient is surprised by what they receive, it makes me think that they made their choice for one of two reasons: (1) They don't believe in personally following social norms, but have no problem when others do, meaning they're willing to take substantially more than they're willing to give, or (2) They absolutely cannot afford to give any more than what they've given.

In the case of #1, I just find that somewhat despicable. It's one thing if your group of friends has made it clear that a lower amount is cool (even if it's just for you), but it's another thing entirely for someone to continuously receive gifts of a substantially higher value than they give with no group understanding that the situation is acceptable. As an example, in my circle, one of our friends is a musician and definitely struggles financially more than the rest of us. Everyone knows it, and we're all cool if his gifts aren't quite as generous as ours may be, or during particularly lean times, if he can't give anything at all. There's a mutual understanding that gifts from him won't cost as much as gifts to him, and everyone is cool with that. If that weren't the case, it would get obnoxious really quickly. 

In the case of #2 - Allow me to give some examples. I have two friends, both of whom are in grad school. I know they're broke, as they've told me so themselves. In their case, the $20 that they could spend on a wedding present could feed them for a week. So yeah, I'd be a bit miffed if they spent that money so I could have a ladle. As another example, my FIL are experiencing some severe financial difficulties, and I would MUCH rather any money they could spend on us be put toward things like their heating bill or their mortgage. If any of my loved ones (and everyone coming to my wedding is a loved one) were experiencing such financial difficulty, their presence would mean way more than their presents, and I would rather receive no material goods at all than wonder whether their gift to me was causing an undue burden.

@Arachna - But it IS my choice to be annoyed by it. People can do whatever they want. And I can disagree with their actions without forcing them to do what I think is "right". Trust me - I am aware that reality doesn't perfectly mesh with what I think should happen.

@LacyLust - "I'm sorry but your sounding kind of selfish here." - Which is why I went on to explain what I meant, as clearly what I originally said didn't convey that very well.

@Mrs. Louboutin - No, there was no card, which I found really weird. The only way I knew who sent it was their name on the "package contents" form. Maybe Macy's doesn't give an option for gift cards? In the past, though, when ordering stuff from other people's registries, it always gave us an option for a message.

@Mrs. Louboutin - At this point, not having a card isn't a big deal (unless they wrote something totally awesome and clever on it ). At least I know who sent it, so I can send a thank you card. I just won't reference whether it's an engagement or a wedding present. And speaking of weird Macy's issues - a friend of mine had a really difficult time with her gifts from Macy's. I'd estimate that about 40-50% of her breakable items arrived scratched, broken, or somehow damaged. She spent A LOT of time dealing with their exchanges department. They were always really good about it, but it's a lesson to inspect your wedding gifts right away, and not wait until you're settled in with your new husband.