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Are you looking at Catholic churches? In the area where I am getting married I looked at several and none had the no photographer rule, that's odd. I have seen restrictions on lighting and flashes, but not "no photography."
Is a church wedding very important to you? Perhaps you should check out alternate venues for a ceremony.
Oh, I got a better one for you......
the church we were looking at was $1,000 for the service! And, that does not include the priest's "gratuity"
They do allow photography, BUT they have a laundry list of rules you have to follow, including no flowers, even fake, music has to be okayed by them, and you HAVE to use their musical people, even if you have family members that you want to participate.
Ridiculous.
Look on the bright side, since your hearts not set on one specific church at least you have options! Like you said its not a religion rule its just the rules of individual churches. Just keep looking and stay positive. We encounted a HUGE wall when we were trying to find our church since I wanted a Catholic service but we aren't getting married in my home town.
Church rules are the reason why my FH and I decided we dont want one. We wanted to have a non-religious reading about love as part of our ceremony read by one of our friends and they said NO WAY because it's not religious. We were told any reading must be picked from a list of selected verses from the Bible. That's when when we decided we'd much rather pick a neutral site and choose an officiant and have our ceremony exactly how we want, instead of dictacted by the church.
I recommend this if it's an option for you at all.
If you don't belong to a church and don't like their policies, why not have your ceremony elsewhere?
@diannalynn: We are looking at Baptist, Methodist and Presbyterian churches. FI won't consider non-denominational churches and Catholic is out of play as well. We did find one church that was Methodist and allowed photos, but it was a female pastor, which FI doesn't like. I could care less, but I have to respect his opinions just as he respects mine.
melyn44: The fees are crazy! I just was looking on a church's web site for information and pictures of the space and their fees were over $1000! YIKES! And we can get hitched at our venue site, but that's just not ideal. November weather can be tricky for an outside service and the option of moving it indoors in a tented area is not appealing. Plus my father won't stop talking about a church service and really wants to hear the traditional organ as he walks me down.
@june42011: True! But, not having a decision is holding back some planning processes. So I'll have to continue my search and try to find one SOON! Their goofy rules just make me angry!
I know they seem goofy, but the inside of a Church is a very sacred place and it's understandable that each Church should be allowed to make rules, either made on religious beliefs or from previous bad experiences. For example, as much as my sister is paying for her ceremony flowers, she isn't allowed to take them with her. They're considered part of her donation to the church after the wedding.
To help with your search, I'd start looking at churches which are not part of a diocese or larger regional group. They're most likely to have the same rules as each other. I've seen photos done in a lot of different churches so there is hope! Would your FI consider a religious non-church ceremony?
Different situation, but my rabbi has in her standard paperwork that pictures can't be taken because they're distracting and detract from the sacredness of the ceremony. However, she said with digital cameras (quieter), it's less of an issue, so as long as the photog maintains a little distance, it's fine. I'll have someone make an announcement about turning off cell phones and no guest pictures during the ceremony, but I don't care if my photog needs to climb a tree off in the distance - he will be taking pictures of my ceremony.
Yea, some churches tend to be annoying in many ways. My home church was like this, no pictures during the ceremony, pay money, go to counseling. But I know why they have those policies in place. I agree with their policies, it just sucks for my own wedding. Good thing we're not getting married near my home church and chose a farm venue instead! :)
With a good photographer, they should be able to capture moments when the door is open or through a peep hole. And I did always wonder why you had to pay so much to get married at a church... but whatever. A lot of old churches also have decor policies, ie. they buy the candles if you want them (no matter how expensive) OR you can't have candles at all.
It sucks. Boo. I feel ya!
Did you get the phone number to the Union church that I sent you? If you want, message me and I'll try to help a little more.
@TheFutureMrsLamkin: That's crazy. Although I should know this because even the Pastor's son chose an outdoor wedding -=vs=- a indoor church wedding. Yeah . . . the rules should be chucked out the window. :\
I too get insensed by this, as a wedding photographer myself that has been told on occasion.....NO PHOTOGRAPHY!
i usually can sweet talk them though, if i promise i can do it with no flash. and only once was i told definately not, EVEN without flash.........so i sat at the back of the church, rested my camera on my knee, and STILL took pictures, HOPING there would be something i can use,, and luckily i got 3-4 very good ones!
But this rule does not seem to apply to guests with there point & shoot cameras flashing away.
so do you know what i do? i have my assistant go to sit in the front 2-3 pews.....as a 'guest' , then he gets the pictures. i have to keep the fact he is with me a secret but c'mon.........
is it a house of god? if so it should be free, but no, its a house of business, in which case....you have paid hundreds of dollars to get married there.....so if they are treating it like a business there shouldnt be any harm in taking pictures/.....
some priests/vicars act as if they pay the bloody mortgage on the place.
@Ms.Shamrock:yes, I got the info, Thank you! i stopped there a little while ago to try to look inside. Looks really, really small.....We may end up with 85-100 people that come to the ceremony and there is also no where to park either. Boo. The quest continues!
@TheFutureMrsLamkin: where in south jersey you looking to be?? maybe i can help find some....
Hve you thought about maybe getting married in a civil ceremony and then having a church blessing? the rules on blessings seem to be a bit more relaxed as there is no signings to do, and you still would get to be in church etc......
@anne B: EXACTLY!!!!!!!! It should be free, or at least afforable! And I should be able to have photos of my freakin ceremony! Some places do say no FLASH photography and I do get that, but they slip in a rule that you can only take photos from like a balconey or the front door or some crap. This is why I was trying to settle on a ceremony at our venue, but that also has its' challenges.
I guess i will jusr drive around looking for random churches and ask what they're policies are. It is total BS though. And there's the rule that you can't live together....yeah, okay. That's another problem with some churches, again, depends on the pastor not the denomination. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. We don't live in the 1950's anymore people!
@anne B:that's a no, it's all or nothing! If we don't find one, oh well, the end result is the same anyway. We will get married whether it's in a church or not!
@MamaHusky3: We are in Mays Landing....so I've been looking just about everywhere. Our venue is Blue Heron Pines, so we want to be somewhat close so there's not more than 1/2 hour drive for guests. I'm looking into some spots in EHT and Linwood, and possibly port republic...grrr
You are actually quite lucky that you can drive around to look for a church to marry you, because here in UK , if you want to get married in church, it HAS to be in the chuch within your parish.....and theres maybe not that many in a parish.
BUT....in UK, you can use a certain church, and have a pastor from another church conduct your service. so if you find a pastor that is OK with what you want, is it an option in US that you can then go and find a church to conduct the wedding service in?
The photography part sucks...and I wouldn't have gotten married at mine if they didn't allow pictures! My church was over $2K!!!! (if that makes you feel any better)
So you found a church that meets all your requirements but you can't do it there because the pastor is a woman? I can't help it... that annoys me! I would tell my FI to suck it up, or maybe that I refuse to be married by a man. Lol.
I really don't understand the no photography rules. If it's important enough for me to want to say my vows in a place of worship, it's equally important for me to have the pictures of this sacrament. Both are so important.
omg my church told me I could "recreate" shots. bah it's just not the same!
@anne B:sounds like a great idea, but I'm pretty sure that not an option here! Too bad!
@lauren810c:GASP! $2K???????? Now, seriously, that is insane! I thought $1K was a lot!
@Miss Lilac:LOL!!!! I've thought about it...and FI did at some point say he would do whatever i want, but I don't think it's good to start our marriage off on the wrong foot. FI would npt be happy about that decision, and I'm sure he would remind me of it for a long time!
@PinkMagnolia:I know!! All of the "no pictures during ceremony churches" have said we can re-create photos after the actual ceremony. Um, no. How the hell am I going to re-create my father walking me down the aisle and giving me away????? And I actually said this to one pastor who said, "well, we have had many weddings here." WELL, I'm not having mine!
@Ms.Shamrock:Hi neighbor! Got your message...gonna do some more searching tomorrow!
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I'm so tired of looking for a church! I get it. I have to follow your rules, and go to your counseling sessions to see if I "pass." AND I get to pay you ridiculous amounts of money for your services. Seriously, $500 or JUST the pastor is insane. And to top all that off, I CAN'T HAVE PICTURES OF MY CEREMONY????!!!! WTF?!!
This makes absolutely no sense. I can understand that it's seen as a "distraction," but come on! At least my photographer should be permitted to take photos, I'm paying him $2000! Every church I've inquired about has this goofy rule. Seems to be the pastor's rule, not the specific denomination.....GAR!
Seriously though, how do you feel about not having those moments documented as they happen?? Like your father walking you down the aisle, your very first kiss as husband and wife, and all those other emotional moments that happen. You can not re-create those afterwards in fake pictures. Gosh I'm so mad!
Sigh....thoughts anyone??