SO propose before a siblings wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

They get one day. I don’t know if it is a thing, but as long as you don’t get engaged at the wedding or rehersal the siblings have no room to be upset.  If they do, then they are being AWish and not supportive. I would be thrilled if my brother/bff/cousin/anyone got engaged the same week as my wedding, because I’m happy for them and the whole world doesn’t revolve around me. As long as they didn’t do it at the wedding. If they did it at the wedding, I think I would be miffed, but get over it pretty quickly.

Post # 4
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@southsun:  Not sure how relevant this will be. Just an IMO thing. My SO joined the military last year and just before he was to go off for training we held a big going away party cos it was unlikely anyone was going to see him for the next year. At this party a friend of mine announced her engagement, during his big farewell. She had been engaged months before but had been keeping it quiet until that party. SO and I were still happy for her but this was an annoying situation. If she announced it the day before even I see no problems. There’s no reason to postpone your life for someone else. So as long as you don’t actually do it during their wedding (as per her example) I don’t think this is a problem. And a month is just far too long a grace period 

Post # 5
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@southsun:  I dont know why anyone thinks that one couple’s engagement has to revolve around another couple’s wedding. I think doing it a month before a wedding can be seen as “attention seeking” (because at that point why not wait the month for the other wedding to be done), but truly anything goes as long as its not on any actual wedding events of the other couples. 

Post # 6
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That’s crazy. My brother proposed 9 months before my wedding, and could have gone much closer without anyone raising an eyebrow. We did wait until after my fiance’s cousin’s wedding but we would only have gotten engaged like a month before and didn’t want to take attention away at the wedding as the family is far flung. But his other cousin did get engaged like 3 weeks before and it wasn’t an issue.

Post # 7
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

@southsun:  I’ve heard about this on these boards, but honestly I think that as long as you don’t get engaged on any events related to their wedding day or in the last couple of weeks leading up to their wedding, it shouldn’t be a problem.

Why would anyone expect your engagement be postponed just because another couple you are close with is getting married in over a year? That makes no sense! I would think they would be extremely happy for the two of you more than anything, because I’m sure your SO’s sister and her FI would love to see you and your SO happy. 🙂

@SparkleBee11:  Yup, I agree completely, though I would personally draw the line at two weeks from the wedding and any big event related to the wedding. I don’t understand why anyone thinks that engagements have to revolve around other people’s weddings either (you worded that so perfectly!). It’s ridiculous!

Post # 8
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

As long as you don’t announce your engagement at their wedding weekend I think you’re fine. SO knows his family though, if he thinks there might be an issue why not leave a “cushion” of a few weeks? I think it’s silly but if you’re this far out it might be easier to plan around it than deal with possible problems. 

Post # 11
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

@southsun:  Girl, I think the SIUP is meant to be broken sometimes! You can’t just SIUP and not talk about things that are bothering you! It’s better to talk about something that’s actually very relevant to you having somewhat of an idea of when to expect things instead of sitting around not wanting to know anything and then getting disappointed each and every time you see something as a “missed opportunity” for engagement. Now you have a better idea of what’s going on and you are going to be able to enjoy the time leading up to your SO’s sister’s wedding for what it is without making it into something more. Does that make sense? I definitely think it’s a positive! Clear communication is always a positive!

Did he give you a reason for wanting to wait until Oct at least? Is he thinking about this in terms of old etiquette and manners or was that his original timeline anyway?

Btw, for the record, I don’t at all think you’re moving backwards. I really think that this pre-engagement time is tough to navigate, and that the skills that you building as a couple by going through this time–communicating effectively, viewing the situation from each other’s perspective, compromising, and being patient–are skills that are going to help you build a stronger marriage in the end. You already have your relationship, the two of you seem very committed already, and it seems that you’ll be making the engagement official sometime in 2014. What’s a few extra months of waiting going to change? You’ll still have the same great relationship and a man who wants to spend his life with you. Remind yourself of that every day!

Post # 12
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

As a girl whose sister got engaged while I was still engaged, and was just happy for her, I’d say that’s only a “thing” when people are really insecure.

Post # 14
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

@southsun:  I think bad feelings are completely normal and I hope you don’t think I was trying to tell you not to feel your feelings. That wasn’t my intention. I do best with focusing positive, so that’s what I tend to do in negative situations.

I think many on the waiting board can understand the frustration your SO’s sister must have felt when she was feeling like her engagement might never happen. For that reason I would think she should be understanding of how much having this engagement happen sooner rather than later can mean for you. However, if your boyfriend disagrees, you can talk to him about this; compromise doesn’t mean you automatically be the one doing the compromising.

I hope you can come to a happy conclusion to this! 

Post # 14
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

southsun:  I have a coworker who was proposed to at the wedding she was standing MOH for ….the bride did give her “blessing” tho and it was durign the ending part of the reception. I feel if its close and if that would bother the “bride” then nope. however if its the day before her bridal shower it has nothing to do with the bride IMO. During the bridal shower, dinner rehersal, or wedding unless the couple is comfortable with it then an announcement should be put off for another day. I wouldn’t care if a friend or relative announced their engagement at the shower or rehersal and would only be fine with it at the wedding when all the dinner and toast are over and the party starts. That could just be me tho.  

Post # 15
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

And just saw how old this post is sorry :$

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