SO refuses to consider moissanite or non-diamond options… What to do?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

If you don’t expect he’ll propose for another few years, stop worrying about it now. Your financial situation may change by the time it happens. All you’re going to do is annoy him.. guys usually hate being badgered about a) jewelry and b) things that won’t happen for a long time.

Post # 4
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Meglin:  honestly, I would let it go. The proposal is the guys thing. My DH would never imagine buying me a non-diamond. It was a non-starter. I think both parties should have some say in the ring, but if non-diamond is a non-negotiable, you should take that as is. Many guys I know would never buy a non-diamond ring. They would view it as fake and a fake expression of their feelings (regardless of how much you love it)

Post # 5
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

@canarydiamond:  I agree with this. If the proposal isn’t on the horizon right now, don’t worry about it. 

Also, when the time comes, learn to accept what he loves and wants to give to you. 

Post # 7
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

He needs to accept your position. Doesn’t he understand why men think you need a diamond to propose? It’s bc of the marketing!  The diamond industry intended for men to think they must give a diamond ring, and they wanted women to expect a diamond ring. Why is he so bull headed about playing into thst marketing scheme? Diamonds have only been a “tradition” for less than 100 yrs. Before that, men rarely even gave engagement rings.

I had to convince SO I don’t want a diamond (and it was damn hard considering he already bought me a 1.1 ct diamond thwt we’re stuck with). Your SO needs to understand that how you feel needs to be taken into account. If you don’t want a $5,000 rock on your finger, then that’s that.  The engagement ring isn’t about him pleasing himself with what he got you.

Also, the cost of diamonds is not justified. Diamonds are literally stashed away in vaults by the thousands to artificially inflate the cost. There are far more diamonds than there are fingers wanting to wear them. So, they have to stash them away to reduce the supply so it is more in line with the demand. 

So, basically he insists on wasting money on stones thst shouldn’t cost near what they cost, because he wants to get you the best, aka overpriced stones that are the result of incredible marketing.

If you want a relatively colorless stone that is sparkly and pretty and will prpbably last forever, then get moissanite. Don’t let him waste what will be both of your money just so he can feed his ego.

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You have 1-3 years… I would leave him alone and see what he does. He could change his mind about the diamond once he sees the prices of diamonds!

Post # 9
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@IheartUFC:  it’s untrue that engagement rings themselves were rare before the early 1900s. Diamond engagement rings yes, but prior to that, they were made if other gems or were just plain gold.

OP, it sounds like you don’t have an ethical aversion to diamonds. If not, I say let him buy the diamond because it clearly makes him happy. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

I would definitely go vintage/estate then. Beautiful rings at incredible prices. You can always have it reset so it feels “new” to you and your SO. 

Post # 11
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I want to give you advice without sounding like a know it all grownup but I feel like my post will come off that way. I’ve been budget conscious ever since I was about 20-years-old, and back then I couldn’t imagine being OK with FI spending 5k on a ring or with me spending 20k of my own money (saved b/c I’m budget consious) on one day, four hours…etc.

I actually barely thought about diamonds until I was told that I was no longer able to inherit my grandmother’s ring. It was then that I learned that FI really wanted to buy me one himself. (Ultimately he was going to do whatever made me happy). The ring and proposal are about the man. It’s a pride thing on their part. We did go looking so I gave him ideas. But it’s about him giving you something that in ten or twenty years he’s still going to be able to say, “I bought her that.”

Now, I totally understand people who are opposed to diamonds for moral reasons. If that’s the case, I hope a SO can understand.

Post # 12
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

My husband refused Moissanite too. Contrary to what others believe, the engagement ring is for the man too. It’s a pride thing.

Post # 13
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

And, you’re at an age where your salaries are likely to incrase by a lot in the next few years. Hopefully the pricetag won’t seem as hefty when the time comes.

Post # 14
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Meglin:  I’d let this go until you’re closer to engagement planning. A lot of guys are adamant on buying a big diamond until they realize just how expensive they are. Even if he is comfortable and ready to buy a 1 carat diamond, you can always tell him that you’d like to simultaneously work towards a financial goal together (ie – spend $5000 on e-ring once another $5000 has been saved towards the downpayment of a home).

What I would work on now is seeing eye to eye about financial priorities. You could simply tell him that saving money makes you feel more secure and happier than a new pair of Rag & Bones. 

Post # 15
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee

What I want to know: Is it important to you to have a non-diamond, or is it a preference?

 

Post # 16
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee

@IheartUFC:  Was it you who posted that interesting and disturbing article recently about the marketing and value of diamonds and the history of DeBeers? If so, then perhaps you could post it for this PP and she can have her SO read that! It was eye opening.

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