- 7 years ago
This is a vent, so sorry in advance.
The BF and I have been together 3 years, lived together for 2, and own a home together. We have a great relationship except when it comes to money/finances. This is a big concern for me because I know money is a huge reason for many divorces. But we aren’t even engaged yet and it’s already an issue.
I had a breakdown last weekend after I watched way too many episodes in a row of Say Yes to the Dress (oops!) and when he came down stairs I was a mess. We have gone ring shopping once, last summer after I had a breakdown. Nothing was really mentioned after that. We agreed that I would help pay for the ring, since like I said our money is combined. And I am fine with that (it was my idea). I also told him I would like moissanite as I think its very beautiful and a bonus that the ring I love is about $900 (which is much lower than the budget we originally talked about).
He told me that 2011 it would happen, but he hasn’t started saving for a ring and confirmed this last weekend. He said that I bring it up too much and he “doesn’t have a million dollars to buy me a ring”. I was hurt for so many different reasons. I told him that I am hurt that he would think I needed such an expensive ring, since I specifically picked one out that I thought was affordable. I mean…a $900 ring that I picked out last June and that I will pay 1/2 of. He made no effort to save $450 over 8 months? And has no plans to in the future? He mentioned tax return money but we’ve already talked about using our returns to increase our emergency savings and fix up stuff around the house.
I handle all the bills and finances and I was ok with this. I like doing it and I guess I like having control and knowing where exactly my money is going. But I am starting to feel like his mother. I don’t want to create a budget for him to buy my engagement ring and I am starting to feel like that is what he wants. He has a small credit card bill from years ago that we need to pay off. I have been asking him for over a month to get me the info. and he just doesn’t do it. I am startin to really loose it.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know when he said 2011 I should have backed off, I mean..it’s only January! haha. But knowing that he hasn’t starting savings and has no plan of how he will save is extremely hurtful. He keeps talking about how he has this great plan to propose, and he told my mom about it. But that isn’t important to me. He could propose in the kitchen with a ring pop and I would be thrilled out of my mind. Honestly, I just want to hear the words.
I am tired of feeling like everything is up to me and doing everything for him. I thought things would get better after last weekends melt down but nothing has changed. He hasn’t brought up savings, and still hasn’t gotten me the credit card info.
Sorry this was so long!