Good post here from @abbie017:
Older Bee here… so let me say I’ve seen a lot of life and relationships.
I can hear the disappointment in your post… and naturally so, in that you guys have gone to look at rings together.
(( HUGS ))
You have to be upfront with him and CLEARLY tell him what your LIFE PLAN is… and then LISTEN to his.
And quite frankly… I WOULD NOT SETTLE
A House is going to cost him A LOT MORE MONEY than any possible ERing (even one at $ 25 or $ 50 K and I’m guessing the one you have in mind don’t cost anywhere near that amount)
So I am reading this, NOT that he is thinking long term to build a home for you guys to live in… but rather a stall tactic
He’s seen the rings with you, he’s come to realize they are EXPENSIVE… probably more than he imagined.
And now, he’s looking forward to a life with you… but at the same time needing a bit of “wiggle room” to get out of making such a BIG Commitment TO YOU
Hate to say it…
BUT it is crazy…
In reality, he’s willing to make a long term commitment to brick & mortar… but not you ???
He has his priorities wrong.
I am guessing that he’ll be putting off ring shopping for quite awhile at this rate… next step will be trying to convince you to be putting money into the mix on the house (“afterall honey it is going to be OUR home someday”)… OR convincing you to move in so you all can get comfy as a couple
Comfy alright…. he’s the one looking to get comfy, while pushing your NEEDS aside !!
You need to tell him that this isn’t what you envisioned going forward
A house is a “grand gesture” and you appreciate that… but you want a Ring & a Date (what ring is up to you two)
Otherwise… this house he’s building for HIS Future, is gonna be not only EXPENSIVE but lonely.
Hang in there…
IF he is Mr Right, and truly LOVES you, he will heed your words. And realize that altho it is sweet of him to work towards building a house for the two of you, he’ll come to his senses and realize that a house won’t be A HOME without you there to share it with him…
Lol not to mention, that 2 are stronger than one… and it will be a lot easier to build a future when you are onside with him
IF on the otherhand he’s not Mr Right… you’ll know it… precisely by what he tells you back when he shares HIS LIFE PLAN (why I said it was soooo important to listen)
Sweetie, if he’s not Mr Right do not waste your time… cause I guarantee that the rest of the scenario as I’ve laid it out above (your cash – your movin in etc) will ALL come to be with NO RING OR DATE in sight.
As Dr Phil says in his book “Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got” … some men require MOTIVATION / a sense of URGENCY to see WHY they should be getting married (guys seem to think they have forever & a day… and women, too many women, let them have that by waiting around for them).
DON’T PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD
While he tries to decide if you are Miss Right…
You are a FABULOUS Woman, he’s either gonna realize that or not.
Seriously… You already know he’s Mr Right…
You all have been together 3 years… and are in your mid to late 20s… trust me, he KNOWS if you are the one or not, he doesn’t need MORE TIME.
You guys should be moving forward… nothing wrong him taking some time to save up for a ring (altho if he can afford a house NOW he can afford a ring)… or having a year or two Engagement, while you plan a Wedding, Build a House, etc.
But he shouldn’t be LEADING YOU ON… he needs to put a ring on it if he wants to take you off the market
Otherwise hon, there are going to be other men come a rushing to your side for the opportunity to date this incredible woman that is YOU
Hope this helps,