OMG this is horrible. Why is your brother marrying this woman. Does he know how she is?
Does he know about her plan that after they're married, he won't speak to you anymore? crazypants.
No matter how hard your life was that doesn't mean you get to treat people like dirt, especially people who are supposed to become family
@Caroheart: +1
There is no excuse for that type of behavior from anyone. I have friends that have grown up in all different ways with all levels of education but if any of them acted this way I would be done. It's too bad that this person just happens to be your FSIL...hopefully your brother comes to his senses BEFORE he marries her and the problem will be solved.
Those are the worst types! I'm so sorry! There's no excuse for that type of attitude.I would hate for my baby brothers to marry someone thinking that they would take them away from me. Uh not happening!
But good for you! I liked your response that he can't divorce you :)
Big big hugs to you!
Thanks guys, my mom suggested me getting points of views from others not in the family.
I don't know why my brother is marrying her! (Well I think he feels pressured into it.)
He told me once when they were broken up, that the only reason he's with her is because he feels sorry for her because she doesnt have anyone.
He didnt buy her a ring, her step mother gave them one for her to use. He keeps pushing off the wedding date! If he really wanted to marry her, I think he would do whatever he could to get her some sort of ring.
He's very smart, and attractive. I dont know why he's settling? He appologies for her behavior all of the time. I still feel bad, I think its the social worker in me. lol
Thanks for the hugs I can use them
She sounds CRAZY! Best advice I have is to be the bigger person and just stay cordial toward her. You don't have to be best friends, but you also shouldn't stoop to her low level of manners.
She definitely has insecurity and self esteem issues and and also sounds very immature. I don't blame you for removing her from the wedding party but I do feel sorry for her. She needs some help. You're brother staying with her if he doesn't want to be with her is not fair to either of them. What a mess. :(
good god not one of those "i'm with her because I feel sorry for her!" cases! Get him out NOW!
@strawbs: +10000000!!
My ex's brother married a woman he felt "sorry" for...she cheated (and continues to cheat) on that poor guy, gets drunk on a regular basis, and all sorts of piss-poor behavior, despite them having children together. She does that shit because she knows he will put up with it because he feels "sorry" for her.
Well, fuck that.
You feel bad because you are a good person and geuninely care for her feelings. Sounds like your brother's FI has some serious issues. I'm not sure how some people are straight up rude, and don't care. I think its because they are incredibly selfish and insecure. That's a deadly combination because not only do they feel like everyone is out to get them, they also want to make sure they are always benefiting out of every situation.
I don't really blame you for kicking her out. Sometimes you have to do what is best for yourself and the people you love. Don't feel bad. You better believe that if the shoe was on the other foot, she would have dropped you a long time ago.
I agree, I've tried talking to my brother, nothing works. He tells me he didnt mean what he said because they were broken up at the time, and he was mad.
I've tried reasoning with him to no avail. The only other thing I can do is support him whatever he chooses. I love my brother we're only 1.5 years apart, hes my best friend, and were a lot alike. We're both sensitive and empathetic. She's not worth losing my brother over. ;(
Even if I didn't get a long with my Fiance's family I would NEVER disrespect them or say the things she does, soley out of respect for my fiance, I guess she doesn't get that.
Ask her if she genuinely WANTS to be a part of your wedding... because honestly I would rather have uneven numbers than have someone who doesn't want to be there with me to celebrate. She is being extremely childish, and you don't want to look back in 10 years and be like, "Why was she in my wedding? She and my brother aren't even together now!"
Foster care and no mother? She's obviously never seen love of a family. For what its worth, and it might or might not work, show her family love. Write her a letter saying just what you told us....that you want her included but just as you would never let anyone treat her that way, you can't let her treat your friends in a rude manner, so while you want her a part of your day and your life, IN THIS HOUSE we are kind and loving and respectful. If she wants in, open your arms and give her another chance. If she screws up, could you smile the first time and let it go? Second time, remind her that in this house we care and treat each other nice. I believe in consequences to bad actions, and also that NOT fighting is sometimes more effective than fighting. If she's ugly she would have to leave. Show her to be included in the fun is worth being nice. I know in real life it is probably easier said than done, but if your brother is serious it might be worth the effort. You sound so sweet and caring, your whole family and I can't imagine that wouldn't rub off on someone like her. She really sounds like a scared kid honestly.
My brother has been with her for four years off and on. I have tried numerous times to be kind to her. Even when I was asking her not to be rude to my friends. I said I'm sorry I don't want to fight, I know my brother loves you, and I love you too, but you can't talk to my friends like this.
Her response
"i don't care if people don't like it, fuck them, I speak my mind. too bad"
"At least i'm being honest"
ugghhh!
This is a really difficult situation, for both you and your brother, and I'm sorry you're in it. There's not really much more you can do now though, and certainly I wouldn't recommend telling tales to your brother about her- he's a grownup, and even if it hurts, he has to make his own decisions. If they turn out wrong, you just be there to help him.
I think you've done all you can with her, my questions for you are these - she has the bridesmaid dress, could she just turn up on the day and stand at the front, so still be 'part' of the wedding, but not involved in the runup?
And if you're not happy with that - is she the sort of person who would turn up as a guest wearing the bridesmaid dress anyway, just to make a point?
Um... Cut her a check for the dress and un-maid her. Now. Seriously!
Problem solved! lol
I mean nothing really matters after that! She's horrible, not your friend, your brother won't listen... she can't get any worse. Who cares?
If she gets all upset and demands why, just say "I don't care what you think about it. Fuck you. I speak my mind and do what I want at my wedding. Too bad!"
DON'T FEEL BAD FOR HER.
There's tons of people who have had and have a worse life than her, and don't treat people like crap. That's her conscious choice. She could have gotten a GED and gone to college if she wanted, I'm sure. None of those reasons even come close to justifying her actions.
Seriously, she plans on cutting you guys off and stealing your brother. Don't pander to her!
I'm in Maryland. Want me to come up and tell her off for you? lol Seriously though, you don't deserve this. You're obviously super kind, and you should not have to deal with that. ESPECIALLY with your wedding.
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Hi Bees,
Long story short. I ended up asking my brothers FI to be in my wedding. To put it mildly shes really rough around the edges.
1. planning my bridal shower she told my friends that she doesnt care that shes not spending more than 150.00 because she has her own wedding to plan for. That she doesnt care if she has to put a lunchmeat platter on a table at a hall thats all I'm getting, and that I'm highclass.
2. My maid texted everyone to set everything up. My brothers FI, told them not to text her that she does not want anyone to have her number and dont text back.
3. While trying to reserve the venue for the bridal shower. She told my maid that she wants a recipt or they are not getting her money. That she does not know them from adam or eve, and if they dont like it, too bad.
UGHH so much tension. Part of me was trying to be cordial for my brothers sake. But I can't allow her to treat my friends like this. I would NEVER let them treat her like that either. I asked her to step out. I feel TERRIBLE, she bought the dress, which I offered to pay for so she wouldnt have wasted money. Part of me was scared my brother would be furious with me, and not come. But he said he completely understood, that she is rude, and he talks to her about it all of the time. I still feel bad.
This girl had a hard life. She grew up in foster care, her mother just died, she doesnt have much family. I think she feels insecure because the other bridesmaids went to college (and I - first person in my family to go to college, and thats why she thinks i'm highclass). She didnt graduate HS and I wonder if thats why she hates them.
She also asked me several months ago if i liked a dress, I told her I didnt really like it and she told me, well at least I have the body for it. She told me last night that shes number one in my brothers life, and one day she'll be his wife, and then he wont speak to us anymore. I told her no matter what, he can't divorce me.
WHY do I still feel bad, even after she has BEEN so horrible (theres more but I think I made this too long as is). :( I feel bad for her, I feel bad for my brother.