SO saying "the more you ask the longer it will be?"

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@S_loves_C:  marriage as an abstract concept is different that setting dates and making timelines. you’ve been together for six months, enjoy the honeymoon period! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sangriiia:  +1 

six months isn’t a lot of time,  especially at 21

Post # 5
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

@sangriiia: “marriage as an abstract concept is different that setting dates and making timelines.” couldn’t have put it better myself.

 

he may “know” you’re the one, but may not necessarily be ready to make that official. You are both very young and having been together 6 months, there is no rush to make it legal. Its great that you both know what you want in the end, but that doesn’t exactly mean its what you both want in the immediate future.

Post # 6
Member
6884 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@S_loves_C:  6 months?? I think that you guys still need to spend a lot of time getting to know each other. I don’t mean to sound judgey or anything, but think about your previous relationships and what would’ve happened if you agreed to marry them at the 6 month mark… how would your life have turned out?

Also, my SO did the “the more you ask the longer I’ll wait thing.” That is their very clear way of saying “lay off!” If he is planning something, remember that the proposal is the one thing the guys get to plan, you have a whole wedding you get to plan, so let him have this as his day, and his special way to show you how much he loves you. Don’t ruin it for yourself 🙂

Welcome to the bee!

Post # 7
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I really do understand what it’s like to be young and excitable and impatient lol, but generally at our age it’s best to try to rein in the marriage thoughts for a couple of years or so, take the time to learn what we’re like in a relationship and grow with our partner.

I pesonally would at least try to wait for my first anniversary before even thinking about defining myself as waiting, as it was I started hoping (or dreaming more like) at about 1.5 years, asked if he’d considered it on our 2nd anniversary and I’m going to “check in” again on our 3rd anniversary. Men are slow creatures, especially when they’re young, and they like to believe that all big decisions were their ide rather than feeling pushed into it.

 

Anyway, wishing you all the best x, 

Post # 8
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

Its hard not to talk about it all the time, trust me i know. But there is a lot of things that he might have to do that you dont know about (save up for a ring, research rings, maybe talk to your family/ dad, consider living cost for the both of you, and plan a proposal.) sometimes rings take a few months to come in as well. All we girls have to do is wait. Most girls on here have been in the ‘waiting’ period from a few months to a few years after deciding that they wanted to be married to their SOs.

Post # 9
Member
13021 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Saying you know after 6 months and REALLY making it happen is too totally different things.  It sounds to me like he’s saying – you’re great I can really see this happening, but I’m not ready to make it happen right now and need a little more time to be 100% sure.

Post # 10
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

DH and I were engaged at six months, but we were older than you two and it was COMPLETELY mutual. Neither of us felt pushed into it or rushed into it. It doesn’t sound like your SO is really ready.

 

Post # 11
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I get where you’re coming from, because I knew that early that SO was the one. We’ve now been together a little over 2 years, and we are not yet engaged. And I’m actually ok with that! We’ve had wonderful moments together as a couple and have grown so much. We are now getting ready to make that formal committment and plan our future, but, because of jobs and school and money and life, we’ve had to wait longer than we’d have hoped

 

Post # 12
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@S_loves_C:  I think you need to slow down. I am the same age as you and my SO is the same age as your SO, but we have been together 2.5 years already and live together. That being said, we aren’t going to get engaged until  June of next year (3.5 years of dating by then) even though we are 100% sure.

Engagment and marriage are a BIG deal especially when you’re young and I don’t think 6 months is long enough to truly tell at this age. I’m sure your SO loves you and you love him, I don’t doubt that. What I don’t want is for you to push and push and he proposes just to shut you up. That isn’t a happy ending. Enjoy dating- the 6th month is still the honeymoon stage and it is wonderful! He will propose when he is ready and you have to be willing to wait. I’m eager to get engaged,but I ASKED my SO to wait longer to propose so that I could finish some of my goals first. Make sure you do things for you as well as for your relationship.

sorry for the rant, good luck!

Post # 13
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Laurenplusalex:  glad I’m not the only one postponing the engagement until we have jobs and school figured out! also congrats on grad school 🙂 You wont even remember the waiting once you’re married, but you’ll be glad you waited!

Post # 15
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@prettyinpink11:  I’ll be honest, I wasn’t  always in favor of waiting. But, I have come to realize that it’s better to start our life together with a firmer foundation, both in our relationship and in the world. We will likely struggle sometimes, but not nearly as much as we would have if we’d rushed into the next stage when we weren’t financially ready

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