Post # 1
This is pretty much just a vent, but I woke up to some text messages today that have just instantly put me in a totally irritated mood for the day. My SIL texted to tell me that they want to get family pictures done and have chosen September 16th as the date, and asked if that works for me. I sent back an apologetic message saying I already took a couple of days off that week so we can go somewhere overnight for our anniversary, so unfortunately I can’t get Sunday off as well (I’m in retail so Sunday is our busy day), but I can see if I can request to work the earlier shift and leave at four, would that work? And she texts me back that they’re going to do it at four so hopefully I can make it. Which they know damn well I won’t, I can’t magically teleport from work looking all nice and ready to go for pictures.
I am annoyed! So you are going to have family pictures, but you don’t really care if the whole family is in them. They could just make it a bit later so I can come, but I know they won’t. And then they’ll act like I need to make more of an effort. Just like a few weeks ago when they said they wanted to have a garage sale fand have me help, and I told them anytime was good for me except for four days when my boss would be away and I’d be taking on his role and would be at work a ton. Guess what four days they scheduled the garage sale for?
My family treats in-laws the same as the rest of the family and welcomes them with open arms and makes them feel included, so it gets on my nerves the way my MIL (and sometimes SIL too) don’t really care about myself or SIL’s husband except as a means of adding grandchildren to the family. MIL even argues with you if you say that any of the grandkids look like the parent who is not her child, and will raise her voice and even yell about how everyone is wrong and they look exactly like her son and daughter. And if she is planning an event, she reschedules it if DH or his sister can’t attend..but if myelf or my SIL’s husband can’t come, she says oh well. And she makes snippy remarks about SIL’s husband constantly when they aren’t around, so I’m sure she does the same thing to me. But she is subtle enough that we never feel like we can call her out on it.
I know I might be overreacting a bit, but my reaction is definitely kinda colored based on my past experiences with her.
Post # 3
@Wonderstruck: Honestly, I don’t think that you’re over-reacting. I would be really upset as well. These are family photos; they will be on the wall and you won’t be in them because they did not give you notice or even sort of attempt to work with you in order to find a date that worked for everyone.
What does your DH say? Personally, I would hope that he would also refuse to go.
Post # 4
@ArwenBride: What does your DH say? Personally, I would hope that he would also refuse to go.
He doesn’t know yet, I texted and told him to call on his lunch break because we need to talk. I know he’s going to annoyed with his mom and that now he has to deal with this – because I know that when he says something to her she’ll spin it like it’s no big deal and we’re overreacting, and then do her cackle. Because that is just so her. UGHHHHH. What will probably end up happening is him saying to her that he has to wait for me to get off work and change and such, so hopefully we can make it, but we can’t guarantee it unless they change the time. She’ll suggest we just drive separately and meet at her house, he’ll tell her no, she’ll make a snarky remark, he’ll hang up. That is how I see it going, unfortunately. But maybe she’ll surprise me and just change the time without an argument about it.
Post # 5
@Wonderstruck: Well…at least they don’t get what they want? Gah! What a crappy situation.
Your DH might have to address the problem directly. I mean, if they cared about both of you being there, they would have given you more notice and worked with you to find an acceptable date. The fact is, they are making it very difficult, if not impossible, for you to attend and that’s ridiculous.
If it were me, I’d say something like “It really seems like you don’t want us to be able to be there. If you did, you would have gone about it differently. You keep doing stuff like this and it makes us feel extremely unwelcome”.
The bit about the children and “looks” would make me want to slap her after awhile. That’s HORRIBLE.
Post # 6
@ArwenBride: The bit about the children and “looks” would make me want to slap her after awhile. That’s HORRIBLE.
Oh yeah, I’ve told DH that when we have a child, if she comes in the room after I’ve spent god knows how many hours in labor and argues that my child looks nothing like me…I am not responsible for whatever my reaction is!
He is refusing to go to get the photos done without me, that was what he said as soon as I told him what his mom and sister said, that it’s ridiculous and he isn’t going to be in a family picture where they aren’t even making a bit of effort to include his wife. I feel kinda guilty because I used to want to try to build my relationship with his mom and get closer to her…and at this point I’m just kinda like eff it, the less I have to deal with her the better. And I know it makes him sad, but he also realizes the problem and fault of it lies with his mother.