So sick of waiting don't even want a proposal anymore!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you think he will propose to me soon?
    Yes : (18 votes)
    17 %
    No : (32 votes)
    30 %
    Hard to Say : (55 votes)
    52 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5428 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @blueberries123:  I have asked him if he plans on proposing and if he isn’t he need to let me know because I plan to walk.

    Why can’t you propose to him? Why is always the guys? Some bees here have proposed to their fiance… and even bought them man-engagement rings!

    Post # 4
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It sounds like he wants to do things on his own terms.  I think you need to back off, honestly.  You’ve been together for 2.5 years, obviously the committment is there.  I understand that you are older (I was 30 when I got engaged, so believe me, I get it), but there is no sense in putting pressure on him.  I think if you have a timeline to get engaged or a deadline of “he has to propose to me by X date” then you need to keep it to yourself.  In my experience, men do not like to be pressured or nagged.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    You have got to stop talking to him about it. He obviously knows your feelings and you’re pushing him away by bringing it up once a week. Do you want him to propose b/c he wants to marry you, or do you want a ring b/c you keep nagging the heck out of him?

    You’ve talked to him about it and he’s told you he will propose. Now trust him and let him do his thing. Do you want to know the exact date and time that it’s going to happen with what kind of ring too? The more you nag, the more you’re going to ruin his moment…

    Post # 7
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @blueberries123:  How long ago did you tell him that he needs to propose or you’ll leave? I think he needs at least a few months from that time because it can take a while to shop, order, plan, etc. If I were you I would probably give him to the new year. If he hasn’t done it by then I’d just pack and leave. He’ll know where to find you if he wants to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3830 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Its tough. I can only speak from my experience and say, girl, i was there like 3 months ago. I was thinking of leaving. I was thinking he didnt really love  me. I was thinking it all.  Then i found out he had more than enough money saved to buy a ring and just hadn’t gotten off his ass to end my torture. He knew i was upset, he knew i struggled every day.  At one point i left the house without telling him where i was and (after he freaked out about thinking i was leaving him) i told him that i wasn’t comfortable playing house anymore. I had been contemplating moving back home, and i was going to move forward with my life whether he was there or not. Thats all i said and then i left it completely alone. 

    He got the wake up call from hell. 1 month later he proposed. I definitely dont condone doing these things, but since day one i had been by my FI’s side and supported him through everything. And even though he said he wanted to marry me, his actions spoke differently.

    So i would say move forward with your life. And let him know you will be happy, and he can either join you or get out of the way.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee

    I feel your pain! I am 34 and he is 43 and our two year anniversary is on Sunday. At this point I don’t even want him to propose any more. I just don’t want to have to think about it and wonder if and when it will ever happen. I think you should try to focus on you and just not talk about it with your SO anymore. Try to stay busy and give both of you a break from the stress. I know it is hard to do that when it is constantly on your mind but I think pushing slows things down. That’s what SO says anyway! Good luck and hang in there! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3050 posts
    Sugar bee

    Ask for a timeline. If he can’t give you one then you know. And if he doesn’t meet it for some BS reason you also know. 

    I just left my bf bc he simply wasn’t sure he was ready to move forward. I’m 33 & he’s 40. If after a year & a half the thought of moving in was too much then I knew it wasn’t going the way I wanted. 

    Be willing to walk- don’t just say it. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    8042 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @blueberries123:  I suggest that you stop talking about engagement – period – for six months and then if he doesn’t propose by then, you walk.

    Give yourself that timeline, but don’t tell him. I think you have made it abundantly clear that you want to get engaged.

    Yes, you have been together long enough for him to know, maybe he just needs a little more time to work out the logistics. I understand how this would be massively frustrating!

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    1294 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think that because you said you need a year to plan and you told him that you want sept-oct wedding, you should stay and give him one last chance to propose within that timeframe.. if november or december comes and there is no proposal, then you are being more than fair because he did not listen to your wishes and did not apparently care what you felt. 

    At this point, if he has not yet proposed by that deadline you have set (if you have made it clear already then dont mention it again..) then I agree with the other bees and you should move forward in your life and tell him why. 

    I think it important to wait until the year mark because you want to give him no room to say, “well ya I was going to do it in october and we still have a year to plan.. “… and you dont want to nag him about that deadline (although you are dyyying inside) simply because you dont want to feel after that you forced him into proposing. 

    This is so tough and frustrating and I understand how you are feeling, but you need to be calm and collected, set goals for yourself and be realistic. That will give you the best outcome for YOU. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    189 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I totally feel your plan. I’m younger, but I played the waiting game way too long for my preferences. I also wanted a June wedding, but we’re getting married in Novemeber instead. We were together for 4.5 years before he proposed, and he’d made me believe we’d get engaged when we got better jobs. Well, we had good jobs for 6 months before we got engaged, and I had to watch my cousin get married and three friends get engaged who hadn’t been together nearly as long as us, but when it came down to it, I was glad the waiting was over. He actually planned a great proposal, and I’ll remember it forever. I had to shut up about it around him, but whined about it to my girls a lot. I say, give it a little longer, maybe he’s planning to surprise you! That’s what my guy did!

    Post # 15
    Member
    11753 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think you need to tell him to give you a timeline of when he plans to propse by.  It’s not a crazy request and if he can’t, then maybe you need to walk.  I say find a date in your head where if he doesn’t propose, you leave.  If you’re in your 30’s, it shouldn’t take much longer than 2.5 years to figure out if you are “the one” or not.  You really do have to be ready to walk though.  Good luck hun!  Hopefully he comes to his senses!  

    Post # 16
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @canarydiamond:  +1

    Guys really hate to be nagged (and I think bringing up the same thing more than once or twice is considered nagging) and especially if your guy is super traditional, they do not like to propose while they are being nagged about it.  I think you have reasonable and valid needs, but you need to keep them to yourself for a while maybe.  Assuming you have been very clear about your expecations and how you feel you could start this right now, if not you could have one more very clear conversation and then start, but I wholeheartedly agree that you need to set a date in your mind (don’t tell him about it, it will just come off as an ultimatum!) that is a ways off (6 months + probably) and decide that if nothing has happened by that date, you take more drastic actions. 

    BUT until then, you do nothing.  Enjoy your relationship! Is this guy the love of your life? Then act like it! Go on dates, tell him you love him, have FUN.  I think you’ll find that this is a much more effective strategy! Good luck 🙂

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