(Closed) So since I have to replace a BM now

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

If she changes her nasty ways, that’s great. That’s not enough to have her participate in the wedding. She has already demonstrated that she’s not interested, no matter what her words say. I would 99% guarantee you that even if she started to show some support, she’d end up flaking in the end. Let her try to be a friend in ways that are not wedding related.

 

That being said, I think you should replace her when you’re ready, when you have a person in mind. As far as how you broach it to that person, I’m not sure.  

Post # 4
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

maybe it’s best to just let your wedding party be how it is right now. if you have someone else in mind and ask them right away, they might wonder why you didnt ask them before … or your ‘friend’ may use it against you "well you certainly replaced me quickly!" to cause even more problems, especially if it’s a mutual friend.  i would just let things chill for a while and see how you feel about it in a week or two.

Post # 6
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I would really let the dust settle on the whole issue for a few weeks before doing anything.  You have a long time till your wedding so there’s no major rush.  See how it all unfolds; it’s best to sleep on the whole thing before doing something that you might regret later.  As for the ousted MOH – just ignore whatever she’s doing or saying.  Don’t badmouth her either, she probably wasn’t expecting you to give her the boot despite her bad behaviour so she’s reacting now.  Don’t give anyone any more fodder for gossip.  I would try to draw as little attention to this situation as possible. 

Then I think asking one of your personal attendants to become a bridesmaid would be a great idea.  But I wouldn’t then try to replace the attendant, I would just leave the wedding party as is after that.

Post # 8
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Hmmm, well, assuming you have already spelled it out in black & white once for her, I am sure she got the message but now her pride is hurt and so she’s acting like everything is fine.  Or maybe she’s in denial.  I would just not invite her to any BM dress shopping sessions, not include her in any plans etc and she’ll see that you’re serious, and you won’t have to revisit the issue.  If she asks you why she’s being excluded then say, "don’t you remember the conversation we had a few weeks ago?"

On the other hand if you weren’t 100% clear, then maybe you should just tell her once and for all that she’s out.

Post # 9
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

If she ain’t got a dress, she ain’t a bridesmaid!    Reductive and mean, but true!  Seriously, if she hasn’t realized at this point that she’s out, I’m with smartl — she’ll come to the realization that she’s not included anymore when you’re not making plans to put her in a bridesmaid’s dress, passing on details of events, etc.  (But, again, like smartl said, if you think you might not have been totally clear that she is no longer a part of your party, then I think you do need to state it clearly that she’s not included anymore.)

Post # 11
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Lol Sweeney.  Well, my situation is certainly not as dramatic as yours, but we had settled on 3 girls & 3 guys right off the bat and asked our bridal party members right away, and thought it was all done with.  But then several months later, FI decided he wanted another guy as a groomsman and there was a bit of drama as to who I would pick for my 4th BM.  But it’s all settled now and we have 4 guys and 4 girls!  Haven’t had to fire anyone yet, touch wood that it won’t happen.

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