- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016
Ok this one is very personal, so please no judgers/haters. I’m looking for a few kind words of advice on a sensitive issue. Thank you! 🙂
So, to sum it up: I feel like my SO’s personality changes when he drinks, and I don’t like it. Normally he’s a funny, super social, everybody likes him kind of guy. When he drinks (like many people) he acts not-funny dumb, like way behind what’s going on, and sometimes something small can make his mood very negative, and he’s almost never negative at all when sober. I bartend, so I’ve seen a million people get drunk and act stupid. Obv alcohol changes people, and typically for the worse.
I’ve talked with him about this multiple times in our past 5 yrs together. He is always very remorseful, and things have improved a lot since we first were together (our early 20s). He’s never HORRIBLE, I’m not talking about being mean or abusive or anything like that. More often I’m just embarrassed by the stupid way he’s acting in front of other people, and then if we’re alone (say at the end of the night), I’m annoyed and bored with this person. Normally I love hanging out with him, and around other people am proud to say “yeah that guy right there, that’s my SO.” This is not the case when it comes to drunk SO, and that’s what I hate.
Our lifestyle together so far has been very much about friends, good times, festivals, concerts, trips, etc. We have been about social drinking all along, and I like to drink too. I don’t want to turn everything around and suddenly be like oh I don’t want you to drink ever. His drinking patterns are on the weekends and in social situations, he’s not some hardcore alcoholic drinking alone every day. An open bottle of wine will sit in our house and go bad. The problem is the once and a while time (maybe once a month?) when he over does it. Once a month starts to add up! Perfect example, tonight- our friend’s band was playing at a venue our other friend owns, meanwhile I have to work. Of course he goes overboard in that scenario. Not crazy, but annoying personality comes out.
Am I being too judgy and should I just let him have his fun? Has anyone else experienced this? What can I say to my SO that hasn’t already been said? Usually a talk about it ends in him feeling guilty all day. Also boring. Any thoughts or advice anyone? Thanks for listening, just writing it out was therapeutic!! Thanks bees!