Post # 1
I always feel so bad about complaining about SO’s schedule seeing as how he’s our only income (I’m waiting on immigration paperwork so I can’t work yet). He’s had a wonderful schedule for the last couple of months becuase he’s been in school but his class is over next week and his boss is moving him to a different location which means different hours. He’s now going to be working 12 hours a day and 88 hours in a pay period. Oh and it’s also rotating shifts so he goes from 8 am-8 pm for 2 weeks and then he works 8 pm-8 am for 2 weeks.
It’s bad enough that it’s 12 hour shifts because I won’t get to see him but when he does overnights and 12 hour shifts there’s really no seeing him. It just sucks because I don’t have any friends here either so I can’t just call one of them up and hang out. I just end up sitting on the couch all day and then going to bed and waking up and doing it all over. I usually get really depressed because of how much alone time I have. Plus my sleeping schedule gets all wacky because I don’t like sleepig when he’s not here so I end up staying up until 4/5 am.
Anyone have any advice on what I can do?
Post # 3
@wisher558: Oh man. I used to have a schedule similar to that and it is ROUGH. I can’t imagine doing it while I’m in a relationship.
The only suggestion I have for you is to try to meet people. I’m not working currently and we just moved for SO’s job, so I’m in a similar boat. Try meetup.com. They have tons of groups that have all kinds of different interests. I knit, so I’ve joined a group that meets once a week to knit together. But there are book clubs, running clubs, groups that just try new restaurants together…. Really just about anything you can think of.
Post # 4
That’s rough…I really have no suggestion (other than trying to find a hobby that might lead to you meeting some people), but I feel for you. My husband works retail hours and on the days that he’s gone all day, and I’m home, I get so bored. I can’t imagine it being a constant thing. Is this a job he’s going to be doing for a long time?
Post # 5
My fiance does 12 hour shifts and they switch from a certain number of 12 hour day shifts in a row to a certain number of 12 hour night shifts right after. It is a shitty schedule, especially when he’s on nights but you get used to it. And as time passes, it gets easier to sleep at night and then wake up earlier and visit etc. My fiance works 5:30pm – 5:30am or am to pm so when he’s on nights I just go to bed a bit earlier and then wake up super early and eat breakfast with him and then I try to get home from work before he leaves so I can see him for a little bit. The nice thing about 8-8 is that you can still get some good sleep in that time without going to bed at 9pm and then get up at a decent time and see your SO. Sorry, there’s a lot of rambling there but I’m just trying to explain that I understand.
The other thing that makes a huge difference for me is that when we officially moved in together, we got two dogs so they are an AWESOME source of company, as well as an amazing relationship to put my energy into. They keep me company AND I feel safe when my fiance is gone AND he feels at ease because I’m not all alone. That may not be an option but it has helped a lot.
Post # 6
All of that being said, there are ALWAYS difficult days. Even after dealing with it for over a year, there are days where I come home from work and I’m stressed and tired and he’s already gone and I just want to sit and cry because it’s hard not having him around some days. The important thing to remember is that it’s hard for him too and it’s better if you both focus on how awesome it will be to see each other instead of how awful it is to be apart.
Post # 7
Don’t forget- there are benefits to working 12 hr shifts. He will have days off during the week. If the two of you like to do any activities like skiing etc, the sites aren’t nearly so crowded. Even grocery shopping is easier during the week.
You alone are responsible for how you are feeling.Time to get up off that couch and do some volunteer work. You will meet people and establish some connections in your community.There is no need to sit at home on the couch and be lonely.
In my first marriage we were transferred every 12 months so I know what it’s like to be in a community and not know anyone. I have also worked 12 hr shifts for years.
Post # 8
12s suck, there is no getting around it (from the night nurse on 7p-7a). You need to find something to fill your time at home that you enjoy, take up a new hobby or something or you will go mad.
Post # 9
@aamyfisher: I’ve been trying to convince him to get a dog but he vuews his cat as too important to have a dog in the house. :-/ she’s not a cuddly cat by any means, she doesn’t even redpond to her name.
Post # 10
I understand your pain. My SO works 14 – 16 hour days in the summers. I only see him on the weekends, but only then if he doesn’t work those as well. My best advice is to find something to busy yourself with. I have been taking summer classes and working, so I was distracted until my classes ended, and then I had to quit working because I have had some health problems. It has been torture.
My best advice is not to make him feel guilty for working so much. Ultimately, it is going to benefit both of you. It’s okay to be sad, but the time that he does spend with you in person, on texts or the phone, should always be positive. It won’t always be like this, promise.