Post # 1
I have been a lurker on Wedding Bee for a while now but have not posted but now I’m needing some major help !
I decided a while back that I wanted my ceremony and reception to take place at the same venue. Long story short… well shorter = )…. I found a venue, nice area for ceremony but then came question of an officiant. Due to my ignorance I assumed that I could, lack for a better phrase, hire a catholic priest and so I booked my reception site , for a sunday, without a worry. Upon further delving through websites I find that I can only have a “official” catholic ceremony in a church. So what do I do ? Do I ask my place if they are available on a sat and have ceremony in church? FI wants to be married by a priest but he loves the idea of the ceremony at our original site? Do I get married by the priest on a previous day to the reception and then go through with another ceremony on the official day? The latter is what FI wants to do. Im utterly confused. Can anyone offer a bit of advice………?
Post # 3
Personally, I would try to move the reception to Saturday or maybe even a Friday if cost is a factor. A Catholic ceremony is so beautiful and as a guest I would want to celebrate that with you. If you do decide to get married in the Church, who would attend?
I also wouldn’t mind the festivities going on for two days. If you have the ceremony on Saturday in the afternoon, and then have the reception on Sunday afternoon, just make sure OOT guests have something to do to entertain themselves.
If you get married the previous day, I wouldn’t try to have another ceremony.
Not sure how that works with the invites for a reception only shin-dig…
I hope I didn’t make it worse by asking more questions…
Post # 4
@Ms.Shamrock: I appreciate the response = )
Well if we were to have the church ceremony, it would only be for a small handful of guests, 5 at most. It would be a no frills ,so to speak, ceremony. Therefore not a two day event for most which is why FL says we can do another ceremony. Early afternoon on Sunday is when the reception is schedhuled for.
Post # 5
It depends how welded you are to your ceremony being “offficially” Catholic. We had someone through rentapriest.com–they are former Catholic priests throughout the country who decided to get married and now work as officiants. This is not sanctioned by Rome, but when people ask, I say that I had a “Catholic-esque” wedding. But if you are a practicing Catholic, this is not seen as “official” and you would need a convalidation or something. I am not Catholic, so I do not worry, and have left it up to my husband, the Catholic one, to worry about how “official” he wants to get.
Post # 6
@olive25: it’s true that rentapriest priests are not actually priests in good standing and if they perform your marriage, it is fake, as far as the church is concerned. They are not actually Catholic priests, they are ex-Catholics.
Post # 7
Why can’t you get married in the church on Sunday and have your reception on the same day? It depends on what time your reception is and how many masses the church puts on in that day. I ran into the same problem because I am getting married in the Episcopalian church and didn’t realise they wouldn’t do an outdoor ceremony. I’m getting married in the church on Sunday at 4 (both Sunday masses are in the morning at 8 and 10) and then my reception starts at my venue at 6.
Post # 8
@Magdalena: I’m a little confused (but not trying to get into the valid/invalid debate! I know how heated that gets!). If former priests can get married and still be in good standing with the church, why would it be wrong for them to marry a couple, if they are legal officiants? If they are clear that they aren’t being married in the Catholic Church and they aren’t performing a sacrament, it seems like it shouldn’t be a problem?
@plantains: Most Catholic churches don’t allow private Sunday weddings. Many have a evening Mass on Sunday as well.
@ASoonToBeMrs: I would at least call your venue and see if they are available on Saturday. Though having a 2 day event sounds kinda nice. You can have a low key low stress wedding, and then rest up to party the next day!
Post # 9
@jedeve: They are legal officiants according to civil law, so a wedding performed by one of them would be legally recognized by the state and federal governments. However, they are not legal officiants according to Roman Catholic Canon law, so a wedding performed by one of them would not be recognized by the Roman Catholic Church.
Post # 10
@2dBride:Yeah, I was just wondering what would make them an ex-Catholic because of it. But then I went to the website and it does sound like they say it is still a sacrament, so that would be a problem.
Post # 11
The issue is that it’s not just a “fake wedding” to be married outside of the Church. Doing so is an active sign of defiance of Church authority, which is a grave sin for a Catholic. As such, someone who goes through with such a wedding is to be denied from the sacraments, including Communion until the situation is rectified, which can take months to years. Further, if you’re married by an excommunicated person, you risk being excommunicated as well (this already happened to someone on Wedding Bee).
That being said…
There are a number of options for the OP:
(1) You can get married at your venue by a non-priest and have a valid wedding if you request and obtain permission from your diocese. This would be the easiest thing for you to do. To get permission, you need to meet with a priest in a local church to walk through the process. Keep in mind, though, that this permission will only be granted if you have a good reason to be married outside of a Catholic church (and “I like the venue” doesn’t count). It will take 6 months or more to get the permission, so you need to meet with a priest ASAP.
(2) You can get married in a Catholic church on a Sunday. While most parish churches are in use for Mass, you can usually find chapels, monestaries, etc. that are available on Sunday.
(3) You can get married on Saturday and either move the reception to Saturday or have the reception and wedding on different days.
@jedeve: Former priests and fake priests will of course tell you that their marriage is a sacrament – that’s how they make their living so they have a vested interested in telling you that. The truth is that to marry, a priest or deacon needs authority from the local ordinary (i.e. bishop) to contract marriage. Without that authority, the pseudo-priest has no more ability to marry than you or I.
Post # 12
Another option (but you might not like it) is that you can get married during a normal Sunday Mass. The Mass would be just like normal, except with an exchange of vows in the middle. That’s pretty normally in other parts of the world, but in the US, brides tend to not like having 500 strangers at their wedding.