- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I think I’ve been doing pretty good with waiting lately. I’ve made my peace with the fact that I’ll probably be waiting longer than my timeline (we are broke, I’m trying to slowly but surely finish grad school, SO is trying to get his business up and running, oh, did I mention that we’re broke?), but this time of year is making me anxious. Our third anniversary is coming up on June 9th and we’re celebrating that and my upcoming birthday with a few days of a road trip in the middle of June. I’m not even hopeful that we’ll become engaged during any of this time; my SO is very unconcerned about planning the road trip (for instance, it’s in three weeks and we don’t have hotels booked! the planner in me is cringing), and he told a friend he will (as in, future tense) talk to my dad before we get engaged, and I know he hasn’t between then and now.
The saddest thing to me is that I’m not even hopeful that it will happen. I’m just so apathetic about it at this point. We own a home together, we have verbally committed to spending our lives together, we’re coming up on our third anniversary– and I can’t even imagine us getting engaged.
Last night, I had a dream that my SO came up from behind me with a ring box while I was sitting on the couch at home, and I was so shocked in the dream that I startled myself awake! I haven’t had a dream do that to me since I was a kid.
Thanks for listening; I’m not sad, just apathetic. I guess I’m anticipating feeling worse about things again soon, as we’re going to three weddings this summer and I work in the bridal industry, so it’s kind of a miracle it isn’t top of mind 24/7. I guess I just want to know that giving up hope temporarily is… well… temporary. I want to be excited when the time comes, whenever that is; not over it.