Post # 1
I am a regular poster, but I am posting under a different name because this is really embarrassing. I feel so alone in this and I need some support.
My Fiance is going to a bachelor party next weekend for a wedding that is in April. I totally trust him and whatnot but in a previous relationship my Boyfriend or Best Friend at the time started dating a stripper he met at one of his friends bachelor parties behind my back. They dated for about 3 months before I found out about it and words cant explain the betrayal I felt. I felt disgusting and just horrified.
So fast forward to today. For the last 2 weeks or so I start to feel physically ill (I even threw up once, gross, I know) when I think about my Fiance going to this party. I know its not the same relationship and I do trust my Fiance, but I cant help but feel so worried. I just dont know what to do!!!! I talked to him about it a little, but I dont want to sound like a whiner and I dont want to bring up past relationships. I just need some support and advice.
Post # 3
Just calmly let him know how you feel. Do you even know for sure if there are going to be strippers there? If you’re this uncomfortable with it, then maybe he can bow out or let the guys know that he won’t be participating if there are strippers. I honestly don’t think that many guys have strippers at the bach parties anymore because it’s not a “last night as a free man” thing anymore. Obviously you haven’t been free to pursue other women for quite some time. But if you just talk to your Fiance and let him know how you feel and why you feel that way, I’m sure he’ll be very understanding of the reasoning.
Post # 4
Can you try speaking to one of the other guys that will be there? Someone you know pretty well and will step in if something gets out of hand? I know your fiance won’t do anything stupid, but maybe knowing there is someone else out there watching out for him (and you) may help to give you peace of mind?
R is going out to Vegas with his brother for his bachelors party and I know they will be going to strip clubs. I also know R’s thoughts on the strip clubs and strippers in general and am not worried in the least, But if there was one person in the world that could talk R into doing something stupid, it’s his brother. But R’s brother and I had a talk about what I’m okay with and what I’m not okay with, so it’s all good.
Hope that helps!
Post # 5
I agree with Toffee – talk to him. Does he know about your past relationship and what happened? I can’t imagine that your Fiance would be happy if he knew how torn up you were about this. It’s making you sick! If this is what is going on before the party even happens, how will you be during the party? And with any future parties with guys – bachelor or not. I think this is the time to talk to him about it, let him know your fears and where they stem from.
Fears don’t have to be rational! I don’t think that by talking to him about it you are questioning him or your trust in him. Maybe ask him to keep his cell on him, and to be available by text or something? Or to check in at the end of the night?
Post # 6
I’m just afraid of what might happen if he drinks too much. It seems like inhibitions seem to fly out the window when that happens. Fiance has never done anything to me to make me not trust him, its my own insecurities. Some of his friends are not the “best” guys moral wise. I know most of the attention will be on the groom, but Im still just worried.
I will just be so happy when its over lol, I cant believe how much this is affecting me. The past really can screw you up sometimes lol
Post # 7
I’m so sorry, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I have no idea why something that makes brides sick and can potentially destroy marriages–something so blatantly stupid, crass, and disrespectful–continues to be a well-loved tradition for men just weeks before they get married. So senseless. I’m not going to give any advice because the topic gets me a bit too worked up but *hugs* to you!
Post # 8
I dont think you should feel embarrassed in the least…
That being said, I think that you should sit down with your Fiance and confess all of the anxiety that you are having. Maybe once he hears of how you had a bad experience in the past, it will put things more into perspective for him. He will probably respect you more if you give him reasons explaining why you feel the way you do. As far as his groomsmen and friends, if you do approach one of them and ask that they not partake in any stipper activity, try to talk to more than one…they should respect both you and your Fiance enough to not “stir the pot”. I hope this helps and good luck.
Post # 9
I really think you need to have an honest discussion with him and tell him what you are and are not okay with and that you would like him to stay in control of his drinking. Just sitting there making yourself sick isn’t going to help anything, you need to tell him why you feel that way.
Post # 10
I understand completely. My previous boyfriend cheated on me with his ex, and when my fiance and I started dating it bothered me immensely that he and his ex were still friends. Even though I eventually warmed up to the fact, no matter how much I trusted him I still couldn’t help comparing the past with the present. Even to this day it bothers me a bit, but I know he’s completely faithful and wouldn’t jeopardize our relationship. If he really loved me, he wouldn’t cheat. And if he did, then he’s not worth my time.
I would say let him know how much this bothers you, but, in the end, the right guy would never do to you what your ex did. If he truly loves you and is the one, he wouldn’t do anything. Just let him know your feelings and hopefully he’ll be on his best behavior. I’m sure he will be.
Post # 11
I agree with every other poster on here. Feeling upset about this is nothing to be ashamed of! Calmly explaining to your Fiance why you’re so uncomfortable with this party is your best shot at feeling better, as well as your Fiance understanding.
*Hugs* to you.
Post # 12
Yeah, thanks ladies. I know I need to sit and talk with him. I am afraid that he will see how much it really bothers me and just wont go, but thats not what I want either. I mean yeah, I would feel better if he didnt go, but I know that he wants to spend time with his friends too and I dont want to be that girl who doesn’t let her Fiance do anything
Post # 13
I never understood the whole having strippers is a “right of passage” at the bachelor party.. As far as Im concerned my partner should have gotten it out of his system before he decided he wanted an exclusive relationship with me. I think you’re justified in asking him to skip out on the entertainment- he can tell his friend he can’t get there until later (or can only stay for a short while to avoid the girl’s)- it doesn’t have to be a big deal 🙂
Post # 14
Your right maureen, it doesnt have to be a big deal. I think ill just say im cool with him going out with the guys, but when they go to the strip clubs I will ask him if he could just come home. OK, I actually do feel a little better! thanks guys