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I think my mother is still pretending that my daughter was the result of an immaculate conception, so no haha no sex talk!
Haha! I don't have anything to add to this thread yet but I think it's hilarious and want to hear more stories!
My uncle said in his toast (at his daughter's wedding) "[Cousin's husband] isn't the only one trying to get lucky tonight!"
My Dad nearly died- while this man was a hippy in the 60s and 70s, but he is super uptight now- as a new teacher his nickname was "Little Hitler" and he's been a superintendent for the past dozen year or so.
FMIL told me that on her wedding night, as she and FFIL were heading out of their reception, her FIL (FI's grandfather) pulled her aside and said, "Wear him out," <wink wink>. 30-something years later, I still don't think she's forgiven him.
My parents were already living together before the wedding and said they were way too drunk/tired to do anything. Apparently they ordered pizza and passed out in their wedding outfits. Hahaha. Very romantic.
@McVerde: exactly! it was just so. awkward. DH's dad was definitely the worst comment because his was the most overt and it was made while I was slow dancing with him (my FIL). So that's just................ awkward. And ew. And omg don't ever talk to me about sex again. lol (I should mention prob I'm not really close with him...)
I"m kinda disappointed this isn't a common phenomenon. I feel so alone............ haha
I don't think anything was mentioned to us (thank god!) but at my SIL's wedding in 2006, my MIL told SIL's new hubby to "be gentle" or something along those lines.
My mother mentioned getting nice lingerie, because "afterall, there is a hymen involved!" I nearly died.
not about the wedding night per say, but my dad thought it was HILARIOUS to talk about what would happen in the yichud room after our ceremony. yichud is a Jewish tradition--immediately after the ceremony, the couple spends about 10 minutes or so completely by themselves, before heading to the reception. i guess in the old days that's when the couple would consummate the marriage, but now it's more like the couple takes a few mins to be say "omg we're married!!!!" and eat a little food and relax for a few minutes. it's actually really lovely--hubby and i sat there and both cried and called each other "husband" and "wife" over and over, lol. no way we were having sex then and there--the ordeal of dealing with my dress, hair, etc would be waaay to much of a pain in the ass, lol. but yeah. my dad made a LOT of super awkward jokes about it when we were planning and figuring out our timeline and such...
I think some parents deal with "losing" their daughter in different ways.
Even though I'm in my 30s and have been on my own for over a decade, my parents have had some award moments since I've gotten engaged. I've been with my fiance for five years and there are times when they act like he's a new boyfriend.
It's hard to cut them some slack in light of the fact that your relationship is involved...but I guess we all have to try. :)
I can only hope for my wedding I hear none of this :)
At my first wedding we left the reception a little early to go change and simply enjoy the fact that we were married (!). We went down to the bar shortly after (20 minutes TOPS) and people were giving us shit about what they thought we were doing. Ugh.
We had some comments too, but mainly because we waited and everyone knew that we were very ready to get to the hotel!!
FIL did text DH a few weeks after our wedding to "always keep Trojans on hand if you don't want babies... our family is fertile!" Thanks, dad.
@red_pepper_gal: What the hell does that even mean? What does the hymen have to do with nice lingerie...?
@finnaroo: hahahahaha I totally anticipate my family **wink winking** about the yichud.
LOL yeah. My FMIL got me sexy lingerie at my bridal shower and got butthurt when a couple of my bridesmaids were like "don't tell Justin that's from his MOM"
...awkward LOL
Haha, these are so funny!
I'm hoping we won't get any comments - FH and I have been together for over 10 years and lived together for 3, so it's not like it's a big secret!
But, my ninety year old grandpa definitely made a comment to my parents that I should even be wearing white... haha. Luckily I wasn't there, but I still think it's funny. He's known for making super offhand inappropriate comments anyways so I'm not taking it personally.
I was at a wedding where the maid of honor, in her toast, referenced a bible verse and said "The marriage bed is undefiled!" Everyone whooped, and hollered, and clapped. I couldn't believe she actually said that in front of everyone!
My ultra-conservatice grandmother got me skanky lingerie at my bridal shower. The shower was not a lingerie shower, but a really nice garden shower with friends and family. She also had to comment that men always love "black and red!". Disgusting! Needless to say, the lingerie went to the trash can shortly after the shower! It was so awkward that it wasn't the least bit funny at the time... looking back though, it is hilarious!
Both of us waited until marriage, and we had at least four family members take part in a bet with money on the line to see fi we would have sex that night! My aunt, two cousins, and a friend all bet whether or not we would be too tired. The next day, my cousin came up to me and asked, "Sooo.... how tired were you last night? Wink wink!" Uuugghhh... guys! This is not what I want to talk about with you!
@finnaroo: Now you've got that Simpsons episode in my head where the end is a takeoff on An Officer and a Gentleman: "I'm going out to the backseat of my car with the woman I love... and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES!" 
@red_pepper_gal: That would have seriously made my head explode--too funny (and so wrong, too).
I seriously would cringe if anyone started talking about that. My in-laws (well mostly my FMIL) are super religious and kind of prudish. Secondly, I'd be uncomfortable--how should I reply? Like laugh it off? Ick just thinking about it.
Lol - well, although we are both thoroughly and frequently devirginated, I am anticipating an awkward conversation with Mummy when I have to insist that we aren't going to spend the wedding night at my parents' house...
@red_pepper_gal: Oh my god, I seriously just spit out a mouthful of coffee reading that!! HILARIOUS! I would never be able to look her in the eye again!!!
I think I best start preparing myself for some of those comments at our wedding - FMIL is very open and has no qualms about sharing whatever is on her mind, regardless of its appropriateness! First time I met FIL, FI and I stayed with them for a few days. During that time, FMIL managed to share with me that she has very large nipples and therefore found breastfeeding quite easy, and also found time to share with me that she and FFIL regularly still "have a cuddle" which makes their marriage strong. She also encouraged FI and I to go off on our own whenever we felt like it to "have a cuddle" - nothing like killing the mood than having your FMIL encourage you to go off to "have a cuddle", knowing that she and FFIL are probably having a cuddle in the next room!
Yeah, best start preparing for those comments now!
@Miss Sayrah: haha! That reminds me... my brother got married last year and at my SIL's (non-lingerie) bridal shower my aunt (the minister at their wedding and ours) gave her this lovely wrapped box with a note on top that said something like "the secret to a happy marriage is to use the contents of this box daily." So we all assumed it was like a bible or some religious something or other. Nope! It was 3 sets of lingerie!!! lol. I was mortified for her and tried to make it known before my shower that i didn't want lingerie... she still got me some but luckily it was just 1 piece that was pretty conservative. Needless to say, its on the floor in the back of my closet unworn.
OMG! I'm getting that now and our wedding is in September!!! I was telling my parents about the hotel room we booked which has 360 degree windows and my dad was like "All those windows huh ... wedding night?! I hope your on a top floor!"
I almost died laughing and of embarrasment! I've lived with my fiance for 5 years now but it's still akward to talk about with my dad. I'm ok with that talk from my mom ... but not my dad!
OMG I accidently said something at the wedding & immediately regretted saying it, it just flew out!
We were eating our cupcakes, and husband put a little icing on my nose so my aunt yells "lick it off" and before I knew it, I yelled back "thats for later!" I was MORTIFIED! I couln't believe I said that in front of my whole family!! Thanks word vomit! 
I was talking to my Mom about honeymoon spots one afternoon while my Grandma was visiting. I was telling her how my fiance and I wanted to go some were relaxing, but not boring. We still wanted to be able to have romantic alone time in addition to places to go and things to do.
I later found out that after I left my 83 year old Grandmother said to my mom, " I don't know why they are worried about having things to do....they are on there honeymoon..."
Apparently my Grandma felt like we'd have plenty 'to-do' without leaving the room. Haha!
I cracked up when my Mom told me! So far that's the only comment. But people can bring it! I've got no shame in keepin my husband happy!
This is so embarrassing to write down, but let me set the scene first. It was about an hour before the end of our reception and DH and I hadn't left the dance floor. We were drinking and sweating. We had the best time. My father approaches us:
My DAD: This is the best wedding ever and it's not just because you're baby (leans over gives me a kiss while he's still grooving)
DH: Thank you so much for helping us get all of this done
My DAD: You've been dancing all night and I've seen that you've been drinking a ton
DH: I'm sweating so much I can't even feel it
My DAD: Well you better be careful, the last thing you would want is to be exhausted and have whiskey di**, if my daughters anything like her mother she'll expect a good wedding night show
I almost died right then and there. My father never talks like that, and obviously he had been drinking as well :)
@mwitter80: I should not have read that with a mouth full of food. LOL!
@mwitter80: HAHAHAHAHA! I just died laughing. I kind of hope my dad will say something that awesome at our reception! I think it's the colorful moments that liven up a night and give you something to tell your kids!
My husband's favorite peice of advice: "If it gets dry...spit on it." He still won't tell me which one of his oh-so-gentlemen-like friends told him this one!....
I know this thread's old but I have a story to add. Kind of the opposite of everyone elses.
My wedding is a destination wedding of sorts, so everyone has to get accommodation in town. I had been discussing with my mum and nana where FI and I would be staying and suggesting some places that they could stay.
The next day my nana sends me an SMS with the great idea she had. She had decided that to save some money, my mum should share a room with FI and I. On our wedding night! She honestly thought it was a great idea and wondered why we hadn't considered it. Having to explain to my grandmother that I would rather be alone with my husband on our wedding night was all kinds of awkward, especially as she obviously hadn't thought of the posibility of any naked scenarios.
Oh I'm sure they will. My family is so funny about stuff like that. But its okay, I've waited 21 years for it, I will not be embarressed about having sex with my husband!! Although, no one knows where we are staying for our wedding night with good reason. Somone would try to pull something.
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Beekeeper
Anyone else's family find it hilarious to talk about the wedding night *wink wink* AT your wedding?? I just remembered this tonight... but it was the weirdest thing!
DH's dad made a comment to me about how he hoped DH didn't wear himself out too much on the dance floor so he'd have some "energy for later *wink wink*", his mom made a similar joke, and even my dad said something about it!
And might I add... we are both 26 years old, not particularly religious, and living together for over a year (and not the first person either of us has lived with). So um... there are no illusions or misunderstandings about our "purity." :)
Neither of our families are typically the type to joke around about that so I found it incredibly weird and awkward that they chose our wedding day to start. It didn't bother me really (except making me a little uncomfortable)... but more just like... really? lol
Anyone else? Or are our families just super weird?