Post # 1
This is going to sound extremely dumb, but I need to get it out there and hopefully someone will understand.
First, we had a dyson animal vacuum on our registry. Fiance really wanted to register for a dyson vacuum. I thought that $500 for a vaccum was a bit nuts, but let him do it because he was excited about it and I thought no one would really buy it.
Well, I didn’t think that thought process through because of course FI’s parents had to be the ones to buy the most expensive thing on our regsitry (his dad pretty much spilled the beans in a fit of excitement yesterday). Fiance is an only child and they love getting him whatever he wants. I think it stems from only good intentions, but I find myself trying to get them to back off sometimes.
Now, my bridal shower is coming up in two weeks and I have to open this vacuum present in front of all of my friends, family and most importantly, my mother. I am honestly a bit embarressed. I am also worried that my Mom will flip out because she is very against people behaving extravegantly and will see this as FI’s parents trying to show off. It’s complicated. I am grateful for the vacuum, but I just wish that I didn’t have to open this gift in two weeks!
Anyone else have registry regret (is that the proper thing to call this situation)??
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
$500 isn’t *that* extravagant for the parents of the groom, just very generous. Try to relax and appreciate their generosity instead of being embarrassed (your embarrassment will embarrass them, and they probably don’t mean to show off). And if your mom flips out, she might be the one who needs to back off–what they give to you isn’t her business.
Post # 4
Well I guess to start off… a friend of mine has a Dyson vacuum and LOVES it. She said it’s the best thing they’ve ever had. So you might actually like it 🙂
When you open it, just act surprised and happy. No one knows you didn’t want it so no one will know you’re embarrased.
Post # 5
Agree 100 percent with Spaniel.
Post # 6
I can sort of relate. We are planning on registering for a Dyson, and FI’s mom informed us how rude it was. We both have guests who are very well-off, and if no one wants to purchase it for us, we will be glad to buy it ourselves. If it hasn’t been purchased by the wedding, my mom offered to generously buy it for us.
Post # 7
It is a vacuum. It isn’t as if they are presenting you with a complete set of sterling silverware. I can understand your discomfort, because opening gifts makes me uncomfortable, but warn your mom and tell her she has to keep her cool. It is their choice to give you a nice shower gift. And it is a pretty practical one at that.
I hope someone does share your feelings so you can get better advice. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t know Dysons went for that much, so other people may not realize that it is so expensive.
Post # 8
I might be missing something- is it that FI’s parents bought it that is bothering you, or that anyone bought the expensive gift at all?
I think it’s normal for the parents of the bride and groom, as well as those in your wedding party, to want to buy the “big ticket” items off your registry. I don’t see it as being embarrassing, I think it’s nice.
I was in 7 weddings in 3 years, and the bridesmaids (collectively) always gave the biggest gifts off the registry. One wedding we bought an entire outdoor patio set. I have also gone in on a Dyson vacuum for my closest friend from college (she loved it!).
When my sister got married, my parents and I bought her and her husband all their bedroom furniture (she didn’t register for it, but she needed it)- and her fiance’s parents bought some of the larger items off the registry.
I might be missing something, but I think, it’s normal for parents of the bride or groom to want to buy some of the bigger things. I don’t get why this is embarrassing……?
Post # 9
You aren’t the one who purchased it so you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. It was FI’s parents choice to gift this to you.
Post # 10
I had the same kind of situation with my ex-bf’s parents. They were much wealthier than my parents are, and I hated to see them flaunt it. The one thing I had asked ex-bf was to tell his parents NOT to show their new home to my dad when he came to visit. Their $2.5 million home that was still in the process of being built, with of course custom EVERYTHING. Did he do it? No. Did they show my dad? Yes. And of course after that my parents pretty much assumed that they were WAY out of the social league of those people and they were really embarassed of how much of their own money they had. That infuriated me to no end because my parents have worked very hard for what they do have and shouldn’t feel embarassed.
If your mom will be mad about it, then that is her own emotional baggage to carry. But if it will embarass her, I think you should try to explain it to your FH and ask if you could open the gift now. (Maybe make an excuse to his parents that you really want to use it now that you know they’ve purchased it?)
Post # 11
My Fiance parents gave us a $700 knife set for our couples shower, that we didn’t even register for. But I LOVE it. I’m so happy they got it for us, and took it as a sign they liked me and wanted to give us something really nice. My parents gave us silverware.
My Fiance parents always outdo my parents in the gift department, and my mom just says, “Well you know you won’t be getting that stuff from us.”
Some people just like to give nice gifts, so you should be really happy to open it, it usually leads to more nice gifts in the future if you seem really happy with what they give you.
My Fiance says it’s his parents way of contributing for the wedding, since my parents are paying for all the tradition “bride’s parents” wedding costs.
Post # 12
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
We plan to register for that exact same vacuum! I agree 100% with Spaniel – if you act embarrassed it will just embarrass them, and they are really just trying to be generous!
Post # 13
Well, first of all, I own a Dyson Animal and it was given to me as a gift from my parents… when I moved out onto my own. IT IS FREAKIN WORTH EVERY PENNY! I can’t stand using any other vacuum’s and actually have re-vaccumed a room after using another one… it still picked up more stuff.
I would relax a bit, show your graciousness, and like others said above, it’s customary for those closest to the couple (parents, wedding party etc) to get big ticket items. It may seem more expensive than other vacuum’s but it’s worth it. It’s also going to last you AGES…. so think about the fact that it’s like they’re only spending $50/year on you. That’s less than a movie date night for 2…
As we buy our house I am often hit with the frugal vs splurge. What should we cut back on vs splurge. Houses and things that go in them can be really expensive, but when it comes to things that you shouldn’t need to replace every few years it’s worth the splurge. i.e. vacuum’s, washer/dryers, stoves, etc… If you go with less you’ll probably spend more in the end by replacing it more quickly.
I wouldn’t make a big deal of it in front of your mom, and if she mentions it just say X really wanted one and I hear they’re really great… end of story. I don’t imagine it could be a big deal… unless it’s made into one. Home ownership/marriage is really expensive. Hopefully she’ll appreciate one less thing you’ll have to buy that will last for years?
ETA: I personally see extravagant as them sending you on a 2 week honeymoon in FIJI, Buying you a house, giving you a down payment on a house, remodeling your kitchen. Not a Vacuum. Maybe since she doesn’t like extravagance she won’t know how much it costs?
Post # 14
All you have to do is smile and thank them. Don’t act embarressed, it isn’t embarressing for them to gift you that. My mom is spending a lot more than that on my wedding, and my FI’s parents gifted us with a 10 honeymoon to Fiji! That trip was very expensive I’m sure, but they are doing it out of love and becuase they have the means to do so. I’m am very certain your in-laws are not trying to be over-the-top and extravagent. They are showing you and your Fiance their love.
Post # 15
MissChirpie – AWESOME on the Fiji honeymoon! That’s an awesome gift! That’s my dream honeymoon! I hope you don’t take offense at my addition, I merely was trying to think of something out of the ordinary and far away 🙂
Post # 16
Thanks for the reality check everyone, haha Our parents make probably similar amounts of money and are both succesful. My mother has just decided that my Future Mother-In-Law is evil and trying to steal my love or something wackadoodle like that! I was raised by very fiscally conservative parents, so although a $500 vacuum is not crazy, my mother will most likely see it as my Future In-Laws showing off.
I guess those are her issues and all I can do is act surprised and grateful. I guess if she is really upset I can remind her that she and my Dad are really helping us with the wedding costs.
I think FI’s parents like to spoil us because they did not come from wealth and had to work very hard to get where they are. To them buying us a $500 vacuum probably means that they are proud that they can do that for us and help us out so much. It’s sad that my Mom has decided to just not like his parents because they are good people.
Oh and just for laughs here’s a good example of the competition wackiness. Fiance and I bought our first home last spring totally on our own. FI’s parents wanted to help and offered to buy us the fridge that we had to buy. My Mom caught wind of this and had to buy us the stove we needed. Oh brother, but I am thankful for their support!