Post # 1
So, ever since I was a little girl I KNEW I wanted to be a mother, no question about it! <br />We recently found out that I have endometriosis and it has done some serious damage to my reproductive system. I am on a bunch of meds in hopes that we can fix it in a couple of years. This has put a lot of stress on us. It came at the worst time ever. <br />My FI has always told me he didn’t know if he wanted kids, that he could take um or leave um. About a week before we found out he came home from work in the morning (he works nights in law enforcement) and looked me in the eyes and told me he was wrong, that he does want to have a child. It melted my heart and made me so happy. <br />Obviously we did not start trying because we are not married and we want to wait until after. Now i find out that it may not be an option for me to have a child and that breaks my heart cause I can’t see myself in 5 years not having a baby on my hip. <br /><br />After all of this I have been angry and sad and the meds don’t help either. They acually cause mood swings and I know that I am being a bitch these days but he can be a jerk too. I just feel like I am being punished a lot even by my FI is punishing me.. I feel like he thinks that as soon as he wants babies I have taken that option away.. Idk that is probably all in my head maybe its me who feels like I have taken that from him.. and I have so its fair. <br /><br />I have opted out of taking one of my medication cause it causes the anger and I can’t push him away.. I can’t loose him but by opting out of this medication I loose the biggest medication helping my body fix itself… Now I have very little hope to be able to have children.. and I worry that if I can’t I may end up punishing him in the future. Idk I am sure this all sounds like a horrble ramble and I am not even gonna prrof read this but I want to also get this off my chest and maybe look back at this in the future and see that I am not the only one loosing something important to me, I stole that option from him too! <br /><br />Well thank you for listening to my rant I am done!
Post # 2
If you haven’t already done so, I would consult a specialist. There may be other options to help you besides medication. I know two women who were able to conceive after having surgery for their endo, for example. Explore your other options before you give up on having kids completely.
Post # 3
There are other ways to have children: IVF, surrogate, adoption. Being able to conceive, carry a pregnancy and give birth does not make a woman a mother. The ability to love, nurture, and care for a child is what makes a woman a mother.
Post # 4
Glockbaby93: Endometriosis does not make pregnancy impossible although it may be difficult.
If you really want to have a baby, it will be in your best interest to follow your doctor`s instructions, and that includes taking your medication. If it affects your mood, make sure your FI knows that and make sure you remember that when you feel like snapping at him.
I also suggest you see a fertility specialist as soon as you can. Even if you are not ready for a pregnancy right now, they can help plan a program to get you in the best possibe place to get pregnant when you do want to try.
Post # 4
Thank you both for that. <br />The only issue with “other ways of having children” is money. I will never be the kind of person who can afford those things. <br />I know there is a chance of fixing this but right now I am so depressed about it all that I am just unmotovated even if it is all I have ever wanted for myself.
Post # 5
Glockbaby93: both of my aunts had it and my grandma did too; one has one girl the other has 2 girls my grandma had 2 girls and a boy
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
A friend has severe endo. She is finishing up her PhD. The day that bad boy is done (should be this spring), she is having surgery to clear out as much endo as possible, she and her DH will have a 6 month window to get pregnant, and then that’s it. Her physician said she gets 1 shot after surgery, and then she will most likely have to have a hysterectomy. She is 31. Point being, medication isn’t the only option for abating the endo. Talk to a specialist. Get a second opinion. Maybe even a 3rd. You may need to adjust your preferred timeline, adjust your savings plan, and go to more extreme measures to get pregnant than the average couple, but this isn’t the end as you perceive it to be.
FWIW, our infertility is related to my husband. I know that he blames himself for what we are going through. I know he hurts immensely for us having to go through infertility treatments. I wish I could take his hurt away. He blames himself, but I don’t blame him. We are a team in this, and there is no room for blame in a team. I am sure your partner does not blame you for your fertility problems. Whatever blame you feel is probably what you are putting on yourself. I encourage you to let your partner into your hurt and allow him to support you. You must be a team on this, and that won’t work if you are down in an emotional hole, alone. Let him in.
Post # 7
Glockbaby93: Where do you live? In some states insurance is required to cover certain aspects of fertility assistance.
Post # 8
Glockbaby93: Are you able to get some kind of counselliing (possibly through EFAP or similar?) I think its pretty normal to be angry at this kind of diagnosis. But it might help you to talk to someone to process through it. And speak to a specialist about the condition to see if medication is your only option, you may have more!
Also, have you talked to your husband about how he’s feeling?
Post # 9
I know how you feel. I have endo too, and all i ever wanted was to be a mother. And thats why, i say take meds. If you talk and your SO, knows whats going on, you should be able to get through this. Woudnt you feel worse, you didn’t lose him but you did take away the really small chance to have a baby with you? Isnt it better to have support from the start, get the chance and maybe, just maybe, get to enjoy your miracle together later? Talk to your doctor, maybe there is some other brand of the meds that works better for you. Or something else to minimize your side effects ( anger) good luck.
Post # 10
don’t give up hope. A close friend of mine had surgery for endo and had two children after that.
Post # 11
Glockbaby93: First off, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this diagnosis. I know that it sucks and you wonder what you did to cause it. It was nothing that you did or didn’t do. Endometriosis stinks like that. There’s no real rhyme or reason why someone has it and why someone doesn’t. I have endo too and I’m a Christian. I’ve been tempted to blame God for it, but honestly, through the endo I’ve been able to meet some amazing people (seriously, the specialist I see is AMAZING and she’ll be my OB whenever we get pregnant too), and because of what I’m gone through, I’ve been able to help some other people out too. And I know that God has a plan for all of it and knows my desire for a family.
There are LOTS of options. I’ve had surgery 3x and each one has helped. They’re able to go in and remove the lesions/adhesions and improve the pain and increase fertility. I knew long before we were even married that having kids could potentially be difficult for us – I even gave DH an out before we even started dating! I was diagnosed with both polycystic ovarian syndrome in 2010 and endometriosis in 2012. Due to a chocolate cyst (caused by the endometriosis), I lost the ovary and fallopian tube on the right side in 2013. This summer, my 8th ruptured cyst greatly concerned my doctor and she recommended moving our timeline up by almost 9 months and to begin trying immediately because the disease was spreading out of control. It’s terrifying to hear that from your doctor! BUT – she did another surgery in October (my 3rd in 3 years) and she says that everything is looking good! She was able to remove a lot of the endo and says we should be able to get pregnant pretty quickly. We’re in our third TTC cycle now.
Go get a second opinion. Find a specialist that you really like and trust. It makes a world of difference to have a doctor like that! If you can get into one of the medical schools (I went to University of Michigan for a second opinion, my doctor recommended that I go and it was helpful!, they usually have good options too. I did some physical therapy that helped a lot. There are some endo diets that seem to have some pretty good results too.
Finally, don’t let this get between you and your FI. You guys need to be a team in this. Both of you will have rough days. My DH is healthy but he still has bad days with all of this. But in all of it, I know that he’s got my back and will support me through it all and he knows the same for me.
Endo is NOT a life-ending diagnosis. It might take longer to start your family, but it is not impossible! I hope you and your FI are able to grow closer because of all of this and that you’ll be able to start your family soon.
Post # 13
Just because you have endo doesn’t meet you can’t get pregnant. My mother had it severely and still had three kids with no surgery or meds. Then got everything removed after. Definitely seek more professional opinions and see a specialist. Especially if you are having reactions to meds. That is not a way to live!
Post # 14
Why do you want to wait to TTC in this case? At least start NTNT NOW. If you feel you may never have kids, or you need to wait and do A, B or C before you TTC, you are only adding to your nightmare. This waiting period will only serve to make you anxious, which will only stress you out more and more every day. It’s not worth it. If you are going to be stressed, opt for the ‘good’ kind of stress and…
Start NTNT method NOW. It sounds counter productive but believe me, have worry free sex all the time. Don’t prevent baby making. You will not feel the pressure of having to TTC, nor the fact that you aren’t getting pregnant. You are just NTNT. And whatever happens, will happen. You will have a baby before you know it. Stress is a HUGEEEEEEEE delimiter. Cut that out and you already got half the job done!
(And by the way, I speak from experience. I did not have endo but I had another reason to fear being childless while my hubby also was gung-ho abt being a dad. That did take a huge toll on me as blaming myself, etc. Though he was supportive but I sense that you know what I mean!)