(Closed) So tired of in-laws' political nonsense!! Vent!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1785 posts
Buzzing bee

@tirralirra:  Agreeing to disagree would be simplest.  But if they’re not willing to do that, it is their house and maybe not living under the same roof would be best. 

Post # 4
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

This sounds much like the relationship between me and MY parents. Although, over the years we’ve basically learned to not talk to one another about it because tempers flare big time. When I was 20 (my first presidential election) my father looked at my mother and said, “You’re not going to let her vote Democrat, are you?” in front of me. Seriously. To her credit, she stared at him like he was insane, too. It hasn’t gotten better. It has simply gotten quieter. I think refusing to engage at all may be your best bet. Also, asking your FI to run interference and change the subject when you near dangerous waters. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think that a BIG reason some (ok, most) start political debates is to get a reaction from the person they are debating!  Because honestly, does anyone REALLY believe that their ‘lecture’ is going to change YOUR mind?!  And beyond that, what would it even accomplish, other than ruffling the other’s feathers?! 

So, much like you are doing, you try to AVOID talking about it with someone whose viewpoint is totally different, probably to refrain from upsetting them.  That is the higher road of course.

Your FMIL, on the other hand, sucks for not doing the same.  I find that when I encounter ‘those’ people I ‘poke the bear’ a bit by smiling, nodding, ‘thanking them for their opinion’, and agreeing with them when they call you names such as ‘liberal communist!’.  “YOU ARE RIGHT…gosh, I was looking for a title to classify myself, thank you for pointing it out to me!”

Eventually, I have to believe that your lack of reaction to her political soapbox will cause her to move along to the next ‘victim’.

Post # 6
Member
2381 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I treat this the same as I do with people who try and throw their religious propaganda at me.  Smile, nod, change subject.  So when the tirade begins, when she takes a breath, interject with a “huh, that’s interesting.  Oh, I forgot to tell you earlier!  Did you hear about blah, blah, blah?”.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  If they persist, find somewhere else to be.  Once they realize that you’re not going to respond and not engage in debate, they’ll lose interest.

Post # 8
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tirralirra:  my FIL’s do this too, you aren’t alone. we are liberal, and the rest of his family is conservative (so is mine, but they aren’t hateful like his). his brother thinks he’s the HBIC in all senses of the term, and LOVES to use the words ‘fucking liberals’, ‘east coast hippies’, ‘democratic morons’, ‘welfare-drawing mooches’, etc. You can tell he’s just trying to get a rise out of us, because he raises his voice a bit every time he says something like that to make sure we hear him. we literally just ignore him, or in the middle of his rant i’ll start talking to FI about something else. haha. then hes basically talking to his family about the ‘fucking liberals’. chuckles.

Post # 9
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tirralirra:  Obviously they attach their self-worth to their political view somehow, and are projecting that on to you. Did the therapist give any suggestions as to how to get them to cool it?

Reading this I feel super lucky that neither my family or FI’s really care about politics.

Post # 10
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@TwoStatesBride:  LOL love it! That’s pretty much my method too when people feel the need to be so crass. Some of my family and the people they associate with call names like that and I try to excuse myself *before* I start laughing.

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