Post # 1
This is mostly going to be a whiny vent, and I apologize for how long it might get. I just really don’t have anywhere else to let this out b/c my friends are sick of hearing about my relationship and I don’t want to make SO feel bad.
We’ve been long distance for almost the entirety of the committed part of our relationship. Dated casually for 2 months before that. I loved being with him all the time and went into the commitment thinking we’d have all this wonderful time together while he finished his graduate degree here in my city.
Except he got an internship that took him to California until the end of April. Well fuck. But okay, whatever, a 3-hour different isn’t so bad with Skype. THEN they decide to send him to India for a month.
It’s 2 weeks in and I am going crazy. We barely get to talk because the internet is so shitty where he is that half the time it’s down and when it’s working the call quality on Skype is terrible. Not to mention the 10.5 hour time difference. I waited all day today to try a Skype date, but when he woke up just now he let me know that the internet is completely down for the entire day so it’s not gonna happen. After having a terrible TERRIBLE day I just broke down hearing this.
I hate my life right now. I live alone in an apartment I can barely afford that I used to share with my ex. I work a job that makes me feel worthless and unfulfilled and pays so much less than what I’m worth. This city is COLD and GREY and I am tired of the weather, tired of the people, tired of this life. My SO is the light at the end of the tunnel.
We decided to move in together after he graduates in May – which means I’m moving to California with him. It’s absolutely the right move and something we both want, especially me because I’ve always wanted to live out there and need a change in scenery SO BADLY. And more importantly, I can be with this man who has given me more love and support and companionship in four months than my ex did in five years.
But it seems so far away. My depression is crippling me right now and I find it difficult to do even basic tasks around my apartment because I hate it SO much here. I think once he’s back in the country it’ll get better, because communication will be easier. But right now… gieojgoweijgewgewrgew. I hate this.
And thus ends my super freaking long, whiny as hell rant. I will not feel bad if this gets bumped out of sight with zero responses. I just needed it off my chest. <3
Post # 3
@MissCalifornia: It’s so hard to be in a situation you hate so much, knowing that all you can do is wait it out. My fiance is going to be out of town for 4 months starting this weekend, and I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it. We’re trying to plan one visit each month, but the day-to-day will still be hard. I’m trying to plan something pleasant for as many days as possible: a few gatherings with friends, checking the local concert schedules, trying to come up with some good TV marathons to watch, picking up a new knitting project, etc.
You could also try picking up a new skill. Learning is one of the best ways to absorb yourself, and you could become a more informed person because of it. It could be something like learning a language, how to build a website, a musical instrument, learning more about a specific period of history, culture, or philosophy. Let yourself sink into something that can make very productive use of this time you need to pass!
Depression is something that’s crept in and out of my life since I was a teenager, so I also want to share with you my primary trick for keeping myself in check. Whenever I feel the depression taking over, I pick up the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He writes a lot about controlling your mind so your mind doesn’t control you and includes breathing and meditation techniques. You might even learn to enjoy the time you have over the next few months, as much as you dread them.
Also, whenever I’m feeling depressed, I make sure I let someone know, so it doesn’t go too far without me noticing. I tell my fiance and my mom, and they both try to help me get out of negative patterns, and encourage me to see a counselor or acupunturist (this usually works for me) when necessary.
Don’t let depression steal this time away from you! Let me know if there’s more you want to talk about.
Post # 4
I am so sorry you are feeling this way, I totally understand your frustration. You FI will be back in the states soon and your communciation will definitely improve. I think you are feeling like this because the communication is so poor right now. It will improve and the best think you have to look forward to is the fact that you are going to eventually move to California.I am so excited and you both deserve happiness after the distance.
Please dont allow his absence to steal your joy. Try to be happy because you have a wonderful man who loves you and will spend the rest of his life with you.
I have similiar issues my FI is in the military and he is in Afghainstan and there are days and weeks when I cant communicate with him because there is no internet service so skyping is out of the question.
Post # 5
@sunsetchristy: Yeah, I’m trying to fil the time. I’m training for a 5k right now and trying to do as much as possible. I think it’s just hard because this is the time of year where everyone buries their head in the sand and waits out the cold weather. I think I’d be less miserable if this were happening during any other season but winter.
Thank you for the book suggestion – I’ll check that out. I’m currently in therapy, which is helpful for sure. I’m just letting the winter and the loneliness get to me right now. I’ve never been an “alone” person and living alone the last 9 months has become unbearable. I miss having people to share a house with! It’s really difficult to come home to emptiness day after day.
@niasg1: *hug* Thank you. I sometimes feel bad complaining about my distance when at least my SO isn’t in any real danger while he’s gone – not like military personnel who are at risk the entire time they’re away. You’re so strong for getting through those days when you don’t hear from him. Hearing about distance relationships from your perspective majorly helps me put my own situation into perspective.
Post # 6
May is right around the corner! We’re almost in March! Where did the time go?
I have a similar feeling with FI. We agreed to move in together (after almost FIVE years) at the end of the year. I can’t stand my downstairs neighbors and how busy the street I live on is. I know your feels, hun.
Do things generally get you more down in the winter? A lot of people are like that -I know I get more gloomy when it’s cold and grey. Lots of people deal with SAD, but special lights help. I’m a gardener and had to buy CFLs (those cool twisty plant lights)for them and it’s actually helped my mood a ton. I was going to suggest some sort of exercise as well, but you had me beat! Running is seriously the best thing ever. It’s efficient, gets your fitness up so quickly, and he’ll love the runners body when he gets back. 😛
Here’s to hoping the next few months fly by and you’ll be in a better place…literally. 🙂
Post # 7
@MissCalifornia: I am glad I can help it is painful and you just want to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. You can talk to people but unless they understand they have no real ideal what you are dealing with day to day. If you want to PM when the thoughts come please feel free. Helping you takes my mind off him the Bees have been very supportive in my time of need.
I dont have it all together I have my times when I breakdown too. Right now, I am doing well and if I can help someone else deal with distance then I will try.