SO told me to start planning without a proposal?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should I actually start planning the wedding before SO has officially proposed?
    Yes, you know you're getting married anyway. : (14 votes)
    12 %
    No, you don't even know when the wedding will be. : (30 votes)
    26 %
    Just start getting together details of what you and SO want. : (68 votes)
    59 %
    Other - please let me know in the comments! :) : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1400 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @CanadaMoose:  First of all, congratulations! Haha, I actually think your SO’s reasoning is very sweet. 

    I think you should start doing a bit of research, and maybe look at some venues, but really, you need to talk  to your SO about your concerns about an unclear timeline, and find out how long he wants to be engaged for before marriage and what time of year you’d like to have your wedding. Maybe he could even figure out what time of year would be easiest for his family to travel to another continent, and how long they’d need to save up. And really, you’ll have time to visit Canada at least once while you’re engaged, right? But I don’t know that you should try on dresses now, maybe you should find your dream dress in England 🙂

    Anyways, good luck and congrats again!

    Post # 4
    Member
    182 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    There is nothing wrong with researching things now  so that WHEN you finally decide on a date/start REALLY planning you have in mind what you want. I had my gown picked out almost a year before I bought it (2 years before my wedding). I had ideas of where I wanted the wedding to take place, decor, and even hotels scoped out for guests.

    Post # 5
    Hostess
    9919 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @CanadaMoose:  I would do your research, figure out the venues you like, talk to florists and photographers so you have a short list of your top 3 of each when you set your date.  Don’t book things but start pre-planning 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I agree with the others. Start doing the research now, start a pinterest board with ideas will be very useful. Just don’t shop for the dress right away, I’d start with the venue first. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Since you’ve both decided you want a wedding, there’s no problem with doing your homework. Before any concrete plans are made, you need to know budget, time of day, time of year, number of guests, how formal, etc. and those decisions can certainly be discussed without a ring. We established budget and guest list fairly early on so that we knew what was realistic when we started our venue search

    Post # 8
    Member
    1193 posts
    Bumble bee

    Your (unofficial) FI sounds so sweet! I think you could begin researching churches and venues. You also could put together a guest list and budget (which helps immensely when viewing venues). Then when you actually have a date chosen, you can buy your dress and book things.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2368 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

     We did something similar, he knows I’m a planner and he was saving up for the ring at the time, so he said to just go ahead and start researching. We put down the venue deposit a week before we were officially engaged. And I was able to take my time, research and get ahead. 

    I’d start looking up ideas for colors, venues, overall looks that you like, and  when he proposes, the planning will be easy!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1259 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Starting the planning process is one thing but when you start to think about actually putting down deposits etc, I would be careful. Talk to your SO. I think it doesn’t hurt to at least start making some phone calls etc

    Post # 14
    Member
    3206 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I would definitely start doing research. I would go to the venues you like in the area, see if you can get a tour and take some photos. That way when it does come time for you to make decisions, you can have something to look back on and still be able to make a decision in a different country.

    I am in a somewhat similar boat. I know my SO is going to propose, my womanly intuituon wants to say around this Valentine’s Day, but about six months ago, he told me it wouldn’t hurt to start getting all of our “ducks in a row” and that, knowing my obsessive tendencies, I should start gathering my thoughts now. I think this is incredibly beneficial and if I could give any soon-to-be brides advice, it would be this. Some elements should be kept until the year before the wedding. Obviously don’t look at dresses or make any major decisions just yet, but definitely scope everything out. When I do finally get engaged, I have already narrowed our search more than half, meaning we will not be as confused or distressed when making decisions. It will allow us time to do the things we want to do: DIY most of it, collect vintage china and brooches, etc.

    Definitely use this time to your advantage. It will truly help for you to already have a vision once you are engaged. The first few stressful decisions will have already been made! You will also be able to take your time and won’t have to waste your time going through the piles and piles of prospective photographers and djs and the like.

    I would start with hashing out the very basics of the wedding:

    1. Budget

    2. Guest list

    3. Venue

    4. Potential dates

    From there you can start looking into the more intricate details AFTER you are engaged. I would start with the budget, personally. Suss out your parents, your future FI, maybe even his parents and see what you are looking at money wise. This will save you from looking at venues that are too expensive or give you an idea of when you need to start saving. From there, you can go venue shopping in tandem with creating a guest list. Once you have a wedding venue in mind, you can start thinking about dates. 

    I look at this right now as my hobby, something I enjoy doing. I know that weddings are such a massive expense and there are certain elements that I really want in my wedding that are much better spread out over time. Right now, I enjoy going to thrift stores to collect china and brooches, etc. Once I get engaged and I actually have to start executing decisions, it may not feel as fun, so I am enjoying it now, a year or two out. This is honestly what I would advise all potential brides to do. Take some time (a few months even) and gather your thoughts BEFORE you are engaged and THEN dive head on into it with a clearer focus.

    Good luck and keep us updated! 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    1802 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think it is important that you and your SO talk about an actual timeline with dates, and maybe even consider choosing an actual wedding date together. I think his reasoning behind not wanting to propose right now is fair, but it will be hard for you to plan anything if you don’t know if you’ll be engaged in six month’s time or a year’s. If he proposed when you move in with him in October you could easily have almost everything planned and in place to have a wedding a few months later if you start now. I think the main thing is to decide on a date together, and just start planning from there. Make sure you aren’t the only one putting money down though just so he realizes that this is actual money going into planning for a certain date, so he will need to propose by a certain time.

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